My heart dropped. I only had less than one second before it became obvious I had something to hide, and it passed extremely fast. I could either say no and he know I was lying, or I could come out and tell him. I could trust Bryan, I knew that. He was like that one person you could tell all your problems to and he knew how to help you solve them. Those were his vibes. I had already run out of time to lie and get away with it, so I had no choice.
"Bryan-"
He stopped me.
"You can say what you want to me. I won't tell anyone, I promise."
My eyes began to water.
"I'm messing up Bryan. Badly. Worse than bad. Fucking terribly messing up."
He shifted on his feet and patiently stood there listening.
"I let it happen and realized when it kept going that I wanted it. I want something that I knew good and damn well was wrong, and it's too late to go back and rewrite it."
His demeanor was still quiet and thoughtful, even as I poured my heart out to him.
"You can't rewrite what has already been done Koda." it may seem a little harsh, but the way he said it was comforting. "And I think you're more excited by the rebellious idea of what you're doing then just actually wanting it. At least not for you. You don't want this for you."
I nodded.
"You're the type of person who is always pleasing others in any way you can. You didn't want to reject Jesse by saying no when it started because you wanted him happy. You didn't want him to look at you in a negative way for rejecting him.
You became effectuated with whatever was giving you that momentary high-even if it was from Jesse and not Zach. I know you know you're making a mistake because you're not the type of person to cheat at all. It fed a desire you had and you ran with it only to feel guilty afterward."
"How did you know there was something between him and I?" I asked weakly.
Someone came around past us. We waved and waited until they were gone.
"I got up to use the bathroom this morning and heard the front door open so I stood there to see who it was. I saw Jesse and figured he brought home Angelique or something like he has before, but then I remembered they broke up. I saw you and him, heard your conversation, then saw the more than friendly kiss you two shared for quite a while."
I felt like a fool. A regular damned fool.
"What do I do?" I asked, dabbing tears away.
"The only thing to keep you from feeling guilty any longer: tell Zach. TALK to him, don't start a fight if you can help it though it will escalate to one sooner or later. I can't guarantee what will ensue afterward, but just keep this in mind; Zach truly loves you. This is going to rip him up, no doubt, but the sooner you get it done and over with, the better off you'll be."
I sniffled and nodded.
"And another thing; get it out of your system; this thing you have with Jesse. Feed it as much as possible now so the feelings don't arise later after the problem's been solved. Okay? Then tell him when you know this fling is done for."
He opened his arms for a hug.
"Thank you Bryan." I said.
"Anytime. I know you'll do the right thing eventually."
"I know I will too Bryan."
I just don't know when.
