"...I am low my friend and how my heart does sink. Yeah I am lost right now as the ocean deep; I am low my friend and how my heart does sink..."
I listened to The Amity Affliction as I walked. Headlights flashed on me from behind and from the front. A few people waved at me and cat-called at me, but their advances were def and un-responded to.
"..It's like there's cancer in my blood, It's like there's water in my lungs, and I can't take another step, Please tell me I am not undone."
I hunkered into my body as I turned the curb. I was less than three miles from home now, even if i worked thirteen miles from home.
It won't be your home for too much longer. My brain shook itself. What that little voice inside my head just said stabbed me roughly in the stomach. It was true, but that was the decision I made. Foolishly.
"..It's like there's fire in my skin
And I'm drowning from within -
I can't take another breath,
Please tell me I am not undone."
*
Nearly four thirty a.m do I come into the door. I shut off the same song I listened to the entire time I walked-The Amity Affliction, "Pittsburgh"- and tucked the phone into my pocket. Round objects on the floor distracted me.
I picked it up. It was soft and fragrant.
Rose petals.
Many of them. All lacing the walkway , up the steps to the first door there. I followed them and pushed the door open gently. TV light filtered, shadowing everything in a harsh, flickering light. He had it on the music channel, song butterflying from time to time through the flatscreen speakers. It highlighted moods and shadows of all the petals on his floor and up onto the bed where he lay.
Zach was laying there, his mouth parted some enough to breathe. In his hands was the most beautiful bouquet of roses I had ever seen. Each rose the perfect shade of red, ribbons hugging them all together, thorns clipped enough to not hurt so much. I covered my mouth.
I stripped down to my underwear, checking first for anymore blood: thankfully, there was none. I left on my tank top and bra and softly laid in bed beside him.
I focused on his softened expressions, his pouty lip, his wing-like eyelashes shielding his divine eyes. I reached out and faintly brushed my fingers against his jaw. He was so heavenly. He poured his heart out for me, and all I did was take it.
A song came on his television, one I wanted to listen to on my walk here, but I knew I would become sorrow-some. I couldn't deny I would.
"Don't say you miss me anymore
You don't know the meaning
Oh you slipped out the back door
You think I'll take you back I wont
Yeah I'll keep the memories keep your distance I let you go
'Cause your love is on fire on mountain tops not down with me
Your heart is so wild but never free.."
Johnnyswim: 'Over'.
"So comes our fate Zach." I whispered to him in his sleep. "I know it all too well and yet, you're still in the dark."
I whimpered and hid my face behind the roses. "For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. For someone as perfect as you should never have to dampen their shining heart with useless tears."
"...Ooh say goodbye say goodbye
Ooh say goodbye say goodbye
Let it die let it die
Ooh ooh.."
Johnnyswim sang, my tears kept coming.. all the while Zachary never stirred. I didn't want to say goodbye, but I was going to have to.
I always had a motto: always say 'bye' or 'I'll see you later' and pray that you will. If you say 'goodbye', it is permanent. You can never get it back when you say 'goodbye'. And I....
Devastatingly...
Was going to have to say
goodbye
To someone i was never prepared to loose.
Ever.
E
V
E
R.
