I opened my eyes and shot up trying to get air into my lungs. My fright was immediately so high I feared my heart would beat so fast it would stop. I gasped and gasped, trying to breathe. Seconds after I sat up, Zach was doing the same; staring at me and looking scared.
"Koda? Koda are you okay baby?" he yelled shaking my arm. I drew in breath harshly, but was still getting nowhere. I clutched my throat, squeezing my watered eyes shut. I felt the pull of oxygen-depressed lungs and stomach muscles as I reeled over myself.
"BREATHE! BABY, CAN YOU BREATHE!" he yelled, frantic.
My eyes were shut and forcing out tears. My heart fluttered hard in my chest and my nerves tingled as I grabbed my throat again. I kept trying to get air into my already failing body, but it was absolutely not going to happen.
"What's happening?" I heard Mikey's voice at the door then the clammer of four sets of feet rushing into the hotel room. I tried looking at them out from under my hair and tears, but it was all cloudy and spotted. I cried more with fear and anxiety. I may have dreamed of dying twice, but now I really was.
My brain was hurting and I felt my body go limp. I was hanging by one finger onto the cliff of consciousness. I still felt everything; the limpness of my limbs, the pull of my body out from around the- what seemed- hundreds of pounds of covers and blankets. I could just barely feel faint ground and a constriction somewhere on me, voices all around, then one right in my ear. But soon, in all the hysteria...
Something in me opened at that moment and I was flooded with oxygen. I gasped and drew in great heaves of air as all my senses came to me. I got steady on my feet, felt the hands around me and grabbed onto them with force as my head was beginning to unclog and clear. My vision was only blurry now because of my hair and tears, but I could see. I felt the immediate twinge and rawness at my throat from where I held it roughly. I was finally breathing again, finally able to get my lungs filled, and now able to catch my wits.
"Are you okay Babygirl?" I looked at Jesse who was the one holding me. His big brown eyes were dancing over my face with a concern and fright I've never seen in them before.
"Y-yeah." I managed squeakily. I felt Jesse's knuckles with my fingers as I looked at everyone.
"What the hell happened?" Mikey asked me. He came closer to my face and I saw the look on Jer's, Bry's and eventually Zach's change to disgust. Mikey came close to my face and touched my cheek which was extremely sensitive to the touch. I winced away from his hand, and when he pulled back, his fingers were covered in blood.
"What? What happ-" I was about to ask when I slid out of Jesse's grasp and walked to the bathroom. I stared in the mirror at red, bleeding, and rubbed raw stitches. I tenderly touched the irritated flesh and found one stitch nearly ripped out. I shook my head and then caught wind of my throat as I let my head down. There were red-violet finger marks all over the sides and fingertip prints over my esophagus. It was light crimson colored and awful looking. My eyes were shot; red from fright and tears. Why the hell do I cry so much? I really looked like I had been beaten to hell and back.
"Stupid shit!" I yelled.
"Why are you talking about Bryan like that?" Jeremy joked.
I laughed. "Oh cry my eyeballs out." "Koda babe-" Zach was the first to come into the bathroom, but the others were right on his heels. He stopped and stared at all the markings and blood. "Holy shit, who did this to you?"
"I-" I tasted blood as it ran from my cheek into my mouth. "I had nightmares. One came and I thought I woke up when it ended, but it didn't so I had another one."
"We have to get you cleaned up first before we hear any explaining." Mikey rushed in and rummaged through the cabinets under the sink until he found the First-Aid Kit. He popped the lid and began his doctor-like onslaught of cleaning up my wound.
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•
We all sat in the living room of our suite in a solid silence. I was bundled up with Zach at my side, his guitarist fingers running through my hair slowly. The others sat there just staring at the floor like I was; just fully amazed and in shock over the incident. We had been like this for the past five minutes after I told them about my dreams. I then thought of a question I had to ask.
"Did we get The Mustang?"
"Yeah." Jesse said. "This morning."
"What happened after that? I mean, tell me what happened from then until now because I honestly don't remember going to sleep."
"Well," Bryan started. "You went and got the car from your dad then was gone for a few hours. When you got back we all got ready to catch some food and a movie, but that didn't go so well."
"Yeah." Jeremy nodded. " The showtime for the movie was at 10:45 but we only got to stay until like eleven because fans recognized us before they dimmed the lights."
"So we all got out of there and came back here at around 11:30-ish."
Mikey jumped in. " After that I think you went to go lay down for a while to like read or something but ended up falling asleep."
"When was this?" I asked.
He thought for a moment. "Like... Twelve."
Zach's phone screen flashed on next to me. "It's almost two now."
I sat there quite amazed. "I can't think of how I lost track of time like that. I don't remember any of that. I'm usually pretty good about remembering things and that really makes me upset that I don't remember anything. What could've......." I trailed off as I racked my brain. I looked all around as if any of the answers were just lying in front of me.
"Maybe it was your pain pills?" Jeremy said.
It clicked. "When did I take them?"
"Oh..." he thought. "You took some in the morning."
"How many?"
"You took two as prescribed then, then before we went out to dinner you took one." Jesse answered.
"That was it." I said. " And I won't be taking ANYMORE of those."
This kind of lightened the air a little bit. We sat there just in the clarity. I looked over at Zach who was reaching for my hand. He leaned over and kissed me gently before wrapping his fingers around mine.
"I called Riker, our tour bus driver for the southern regions, to come and drive us back to Cali." Jesse stood up and walked to the little kitchen behind him. "He would've been here a long time ago but he was in north Tennessee then. He called like twenty minutes ago and said he was in Atlanta and should be here soon."
I nodded. "Yeah, so he should be here any minute."
"Let's just hope there won't be any hallucinations and violent dreams on the tour bus." Bryan joked.
"Yeah, I sure as hell hope not."
