Jane is having trouble grasping her father is gone
A/N: the next four or five posts for Jane will be her working through the stages of grief; this is centered around the loss of a loved one/parent; if this is triggering for you, please do not read; these posts might be shorter than normal
Jane groaned in frustration as she slammed the knife down on the counter. She had been trying to cook to keep her occupied and it just wasn't going right. First, they didn't have the meat she needed. Then, after she had gotten that, she didn't realize she didn't have the right seasoning.
As she chopped the vegetables, they kept flying off the cutting board to the counter or floor. She wasn't cutting them straight or the way they needed to be and it only added to her burring anger. "Calm down there, killer," Minhyuk said. The slamming of the metal on the counter had startled him from his book.
She only glared at him, taking a deep breath before speaking. She didn't want to snap on the boys; they hadn't done anything except be patient and there for her. But she didn't understand why she had all this anger bubbling in her. She just wanted to lash out at anything or everything or anyone.
"This fucking knife is defective," she hissed out, glaring at the cookware. Minhyuk only chuckled, standing up and coming to cut the vegetables for her. "It's not; I just don't think you know how to cook." She glared at him again, trying to bite her tongue. "At least I'm trying to learn." She snapped and then groaned at herself. She really was trying not too.
Minhyuk held his hands up in surrender, "I was just teasing. You're doing fine, Jane-ah. Why are vegetables making you so angry?" She sat down on the chair, letting her shoulders slump over. "I don't even know!" She shouted, causing Minhyuk to jump again. He was confused. He put the knife back down, slowly going to sit in front of her.
"What's wrong?" He asked gently and she looked at him with glossy eyes. She had been crying far to much for her liking lately. "My dad is gone, Minhyuk. Just gone and there was nothing I could do! I should have visited him more." Minhyuk only frowned at the girl berating herself.
"I should have called more! Been there more to make sure he was going to the doctors! I should have been a better daughter. Been around more and talked to him more! Instead I was here partying it up on the goddamn stage and music video sets while he was dying! I hate myself for that!"
Minhyuk grabbed some napkins off the table and handed them to her. She hadn't even felt the wave of tears rolling down her cheeks. "You weren't and aren't a bad daughter, Jane. You are the apple of your dad's eye. There was nothing you could have done whether you here or there. You have to understand that."
She leaned forward, burying her face in her lap. "I should have been there more," was all she said and Minhyuk sighed, rubbing her back. When she didn't look back up, he sighed again and laid down on the floor, sliding under her legs. He looked up at her from the floor. "You look like a fish with your cheeks and face all squished like that," he teased.
It worked; she chuckled a little. "I'm a mess aren't I?" She asked and Minhyuk nodded. "Yeah. But it's acceptable for now. You're really ugly when you cry too. Now, that is something you should feel guilty about. Letting us see your face like that all the time." She chuckled a little more, weakly trying to swat at him.
He smiled warmly up at her. "I know there's a lot you wish you could have done differently. I'm sorry this job has taken up so much of our time, but he knows you loved him. That you still love him. And he is so proud of you, YunJae. He always has been. He never had an ounce of regret for letting you chase this."
She nodded before sitting up and wiping her face. Minhyuk stood back up. "Now, let's cut these vegetables and make us a nice meal, yeah?" She nodded, following back to the food. She still felt guilty and angry about a lot of things, but not as much as she did before.
She knew her dad was proud.
