When Jane's mom left
Jane was old enough to understand that parents and people who love each other shouldn't fight this way. She may only be seven, but she was wider beyond her years. At least, that's what her dad always told her. Now that she thinks back, she doesn't really remember a time her mother was there for her to compliment her or offer her that motherly love.
Her mom would disappear for days at a time, come home looking like she had been in a bar fight days or weeks later. It would ensue another fight between her and Jane's dad. Jane wasn't old enough to understand what her mother was doing and why she would disappear for a while and then come back. Let alone why she would come back looking disheveled. She was too young at the time to understand what the little pinhole marks that lined her mother's arms were or what they meant.
She was too young to understand that they didn't have much money because of her mother's dangerous addiction. She was too young to understand that when the police came knocking at their door she should have told them that her mom was home, sleeping off her banger just down the hall. But her mom had always told her not to tell strangers where she was or that she was home.
She was to lie, tell them that she hadn't seen her or that she was at work. "I thought we're not supposed to lie?" She would ask and her mom would just smile coldly at her, telling her that it wasn't a lie, just a chance for "mommy to rest." Jane listened because she loved her mother. Until she didn't anymore. When her mother brought home a strange man when her dad was away at work, Jane felt the uneasiness in her stomach.
The man seemed angry, yelling at her mother about money and other words that Jane was too young to comprehend. She ran to her room when she heard her mother offer her up as payment instead and the strange man seemed to be content with that. Jane had locked her door and hid under the bed and thankfully, her dad had come home early and it was worst fight she had ever heard.
A few days later, her mother had bags packed and was rushing out of the house all while Jane was watching cartoons. The tears in her eyes and the pain in her heart were real. She chased her, latching on to her legs before she could reach the front door. "Please don't go! I can fix this!" She begged with tears. She didn't want her mom to leave. She needed her.
Her mother carelessly shook her off. She bent down, tucking some of Jane's unruly hair behind her ear. It was the only memory Jane could ever recall of her mother being an actual mother. The only time out of the short seven years of her life that she could remember her mom actually showing her love or affection. She kissed her forehead, a sad smile on her face.
"I have to go, baby. You'll be fine. You'll always be my little star." She cried and begged and pleaded as her mom left but she did leave without another look behind her. Jane had sat in front of the TV the rest of the day with tears streaming down her face trying to wrap her young mind around why her mom was leaving her and why this time it didn't seem like she was coming back.
Her father had rushed into the home, only receiving the call from his now estranged wife that she had left their seven-year-old child alone at home in not the nicest neighborhood an hour ago. His heart broke at the sight of his daughter, sitting like a stone in front of the TV. Her nose was red and the dried tears on her cheeks made him hate his wife even more than he already did.
"Jane-ah, why don't we go wash up?" He said quietly. Jane didn't say anything and he moved to pick her up but she jerked away. "Don't touch me." She said and he narrowed his eyes. "YunJae, that's not how you speak to adults." He scolded and she put her head down, black hair falling in front of her face. She walked to follow him, letting him wipe her face and help her change into her nightgown and tuck her in.
When he turned to leave, her small hand came out to grab his. "Please don't leave me to." She said with a broken voice and if there was any such thing as karma, her dad was hoping that all of it would come to wreck havoc on Jane's mom's life. To break this little child enough to scare her that everyone would leave.
So, he stayed and every night for years Jane refused to sleep alone. They shared a bed until she moved to start training but Jane was not the bubbly, happy girl after that day. Much to her father's trying in making her feel loved and wanted, she was growing up to be almost exactly like her mother. She didn't show affection and was cold.
But deep down, everyone knew she was just a little broken hearted girl that was still holding on to the thread that hopefully, maybe, her mother would come back. One day.
