Complicated Love (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter 20: Memories

Gabe had Zola at gunpoint, dragging him out of the train once we hit level ground. We met up with the other group. I could see their confusion only seeing Gabe, Steve and I return, but once they saw the looks on our face, they already knew.

I couldn't wrap my head around reality. I saw what happened, he's not standing next to me. My brain was processing. Steve calls it my loading phase or how other people call it denial. Steve says that anything 'tragic' happens, I isolate myself and don't talk to anyone until I can come to the conclusion it's true.

I guess he's right because that's exactly what I'm about to do. Falsworth was driving while I sat in the passenger seat. We didn't speak, not one word was said unless I was telling him the directions. Other than that, it was silent.

I was processing, trying to understand what happened. I watched what happened, but I couldn't accept it. Bucky can't be gone.

I notice a tear falling on his cheek, and I wipe it off, similarly like he did this morning, and said, "you better come back to me, Barnes. Do you hear me?" "Whatever it takes," he says.

My mind went back to the moment when Bucky left for war. I remember thinking that that could have possibly been our last moment. Whatever it takes. He left. He's gone. I felt my throat close, tears stinging my eyes. This whole experience brought us closer, somehow trusting and loving each other more. But still, with all the skills we had, including Steve, it wasn't enough.

I was trapped in my thoughts, replaying the incident in my head, tears running down my face. Falsworth looks over, doesn't say anything but takes my hand in a friendly way. I smile at the action slightly.

We were heading back to the base, so Colonel Phillips could try and get information out of Zola. We arrived, and I got out, giving the Colonel my mission report, and headed straight to my tent.

Steve's POV

Sad was an understatement of how I felt. My friend, the only guy who was my friend before the serum, is dead. I unloaded the truck, and Peggy came up to me. She looked pretty, her uniform on with her brown curls. If the incident didn't happen, I would probably ask her out right now, but Bucky and Y/n is all I'm worried about. "What's wrong Steve?" Peggy asks, reading my expression already.

"We lost Bucky, fell off the mountain," I say, my voice breaking halfway through. She gasps slightly, then embraces me in a hug. The comfort was nice, but I just wanted Bucky back and by my side, telling me that I need to be flirting with her better.

"I'm so sorry," she says when she released. "How's y/n? She must be devastated."

"She's processing," I say, knowing how she grieves. "I don't know if she broke yet or not."

"Do you want me to talk to her?" she asks.

"No, thank you. I have to give something to her anyways," I say, remembering that I promised Bucky I would.

"Well, if you need anything, and I mean anything. I'm here for you both," she says, giving me a sympathetic smile. I thank her, and go back to my bag, grabbing what I need to give to Y/n, and making my way to her tent.

Y/n's POV

I sat on my bed, thinking that I stopped the tears, knowing Bucky wouldn't want me to cry when Steve walked in. He had tears in his eyes, and I know he's trying to contain himself for me. He had a letter in his hands, and he sits down next to me. We sit in silence for a moment, until he says, "You okay?"

Obviously not. "I will be," I say. "You?"

"I will be," he repeats. "Umm," he fumbles with the letter in his hands before handing it to me. "Take this. You'll understand it once you read it." He forces a smile as I take the note. "I'll leave you alone to read it. You know I'm always here for you." I smile at his response, and he walks out the door.