Complicated Love (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Chapter 18: Blue

It was a rough night, trying to fall asleep. I could hear us driving on the road to our next location. The remaining of the soldiers that were sent over were riding in a separate truck back to the base. Everyone was passed out on eachother, the long mission draining them. I had my head on Bucky's shoulder, hugging his arm as he rested his head on top of mine. I could tell he knew I was still up, because I could see him failing at trying to keep his eyes open.

But no matter how much I try, I can't fall asleep. Everytime I close my eyes, all I can see is Scott's limp and cold body on the floor where I left him. And it doesn't help that I know his body is now up in flames. Some people say it's PTSD, others survival guilt, I just think it's being a decent human, and being terrified. No need to put labels on everything. We lost another 6 soldiers, both by the special guns that Hydra somehow were able to produce.

"You okay," I hear Bucky whisper faintly, on the very edge of falling asleep. I hummed in response, and he takes my hand in his, squeezing it lightly. After a minute or so, I could tell he was out like a light, his little snores leaving his partly open mouth.

We got to our next location while it was light outside, so we stopped around 5 miles East from the building and waited until sundown to make our next move. I nudged Bucky awake, who somehow stayed asleep the whole time. He rubs his eyes to wake up, and we get out of the truck to set up camp for the next couple of hours. I was sitting on a log, trying to get all of the negative thoughts and horrific pictures out of my head when Bucky walks up to me. He holds out his hand and says, "Come on, you need to sleep."

"I'm fine, Buck," I say, not taking his hand. He sighs and takes my hand that was in my lap, making me stand up.

"I know you didn't sleep at all since our shift. You need to sleep before going to get this next base. I'm just looking out for you, doll," he says, and I can see the worry in his eyes. I nod, knowing that I am tired and he's right. He takes me to the truck that no one was in and he sits down. "I got everyone to clear out for the next couple hours so you can be alone," he says, giving me a smile. He was about to walk away, though I didn't let go of his hand. I didn't even need to ask him to stay as he got up on the truck with me.

He sits down, motioning me to come over to him as I close the truck doors. I sit down beside him, laying my head in his lap. His hand goes to my hair, tangling his fingers and rubbing my scalp. A wave of tiredness rushes over me, as if my body decides to give in on sleep. I feel my eyes getting heavy, and the world around me slowly goes dark.

"Do it, pull the trigger," a german voice says behind me. I'm holding a simple gun, full of bullets, in my hand, as I shake trying to hold it up. In front of me was Bucky, tied in a chair staring dead in my eyes. Johann Schmidt or should I say Red Skull, walks in front of me, putting the cold blue glowing up to my head. "I said, pull the trigger. I want to see Sargent Barnes' body drop to the floor."

"I can't," I mumble under my breath, but loud enough for Johann to hear.

"Fine," he says, moving the gun away from me and moving it to Bucky. "I'll do it myself." He pulls the trigger, sending the blue light over to Bucky's body, making him disintegrate in thin air. The shot rings in my ears as I feel the tears skim down my face.

"Wake up, doll," I hear someone whisper, shaking me slightly. I jerk up, grabbing the hand that was touching me, ready to turn around to punch who I thought was Johann Schimdt, but turned out to be Bucky. "Hey, hey, hey, you're okay," he says, taking my face in his hands. I flinch slightly and I see the hurt in his eyes as he wipes away my tears that I didn't know were on my face. He pulls me into his arms, trying to calm me down. "Wanna talk about it?" he says after my breathing slowly downed.

The doors of the truck open, revealing Steve on the other side. "Hey, we are about to go in in an hour," Steve says. As if he got the message that something happened, he leaves us alone with a simple smile before closing the door. I get up, leaving Bucky's grasps, and he stands up with me.

"Are you okay?" he asks again, and I nod my head, looking everywhere but him. He grabs my hands and makes me look at him. "You don't have to go if you don't want to," he says, his eyes switching to and from both my eyes.

"I'm fine Buck, let's just get this over with," I say. He sighs, but nods and we exit the truck. I got ready, making sure all my weapons were loading and ready for combat. Steve pulled me aside for a second after I finished putting extra bullets in my pocket.

"You okay? You seem a little shaken up," Steve says, the same worry in his voice Bucky had earlier.

"I'll be great once we have this base on fire," I say, and Steve raises his eyebrows at me. "I'm fine, I promise." He nods, pulling me into his side for a second for reassurance. Once he was done we get back to the group and he announces, "Alright. Let's head out." I grabbed my rifle as we all made our way to the next base we are about to demolish, hopefully.

This base wasn't going to be as difficult as others, but we don't have many people. This is probably the most ground I have to cover out of all the bases, and it's going to be difficult doing by myself. This base was covered in guards, as Hydra knew we were coming, and I already shot down 7, and I just entered the base.

My breath quickened with every step I took, thinking about all of the endless negative ways this could end. Some leading to Bucky's death, others Steve's, sometimes both. Those thoughts quickly stopped as I saw a room filled with 4 guards, who were all talking to one on a communicator. I stop in my tracks, doing my best to make as little sound as I could to see if I could get any information.

"They are here, sir! They are taking the base down, and us along with it," one of the guards panicked, who was sitting in a chair as the others gathered around it.

"I don't care! Take care of Captain America," an angry German says over the speaker, who I assume is Johann Schmidt.

"I don't think we can," another guard said, and the guard standing next to him hit him in the head for the stupid response.

"You better, or it's not going to be a fun reunion," he says. "I need to take Dr. Zola to the train to send him through the Austrian Alps so he can start making more of the weapons you soldiers are somehow failing to use. Now get off your asses, and start killing Captain America and his puny men."

"What about the girl?" a guy says nervously. Yea, what about me?

"She's an easy target," he says, and the line dies. Of course he says that, sexist...red...creep. Time to go to work, if that's what you want to call it. While they are distracted, I walk up to the doorway, shooting the first guy closest to me, making him collapse to the ground. The other guys turn my way, and look to the other side of the room, seeing their weapons set down in the corner. Before I could even think, I pointed my rifle at the weapons, shooting them, before thinking about the consequences.

In the matter of milliseconds, a blue flash blinds me, and a force pushes me up against the wall. It takes me a second for my vision to clear and the dust goes away. My head started to pound, and I could feel liquid dripping from my nose. Great, blood. I wipe the liquid off with my hand, expecting to see a red liquid, but I see a light blue liquid. What the actual fuck. I know the world is crazy, but this is beyond it. Science has to have a reasonable explanation.

I got up, stumbling slightly as I tried to grab my rifle, but ended up being crushed under some rubble. I saw the guards who were all groaning, dead or unconscious, and decided I needed to leave, knowing Steve was going to blow up the place.