Cold Hearted

A/N I may need a few days...

Hi everyone...

I kinda don't know how to start this, but you all are the only ones I'm actually going to be able to talk about this to for a while... but I'm going through a pretty hard time at the moment.

So as many of you know, I'm an equestrian. I leased a very special horse for three out of the six years I've been riding now. She's the horse that taught me a very good portion of what I know now, was there for me to lean on through thick and thin, and I ultimately loved her very very much. 

Obviously I leased her meaning I didn't own her, but nonetheless I had a major connection with that horse.... and today I learned that she had to be put down a few days ago.

She has been the horse that I could hop on and simply have fun and she was also my first place winning show horse, I could ask that horse to jump over the moon and I swear she'd try. She was my best friend and still is... this is extremely hard for me to even write about.

I remember going to catch her from turnout and I'd call out her name, she'd come galloping towards me and she'd run alongside me if I ran. The number of laughs I had just because of her, like how she'd randomly toss her head around to flap her lips up and down as if she was trying to make me laugh or pick one of her front legs up when begging for treats. Even when I thought she was trying to kill me, she was always simply teaching me a lesson.

That horse took off with me more than any other, and yet she did it while keeping me safe. That's what always astounded me, the way she'd do so many stupid things and yet it would all be while keeping me safe because she didn't want to hurt or scare me, she wanted me to learn. And she taught me so much because of it, she even took care of me when I did the stupidest shit on her like gallop her around the racetrack bareback or even stand up on her back (with the proper equipment of course), but she never even batted an eye. She was my first pony to a point, and I was her kid that she got to teach for her last years on this planet.

I will forever be grateful for what she's done for me, I simply wish I could've seen her once more before she passed. But she was so sick at this point my trainer said she didn't even want me to have that image of her in my head, she wanted me to remember my first pony as the spirited, spunky, stern but gentle, crazy, extremely speedy, happy, loving, and extremely smart girl that she was. She's still one of the smartest horses I've ever known, it's no wonder she was able to teach me so much.

So I may need a few days to process and grieve, I'm still behind on comments and all as well. But I will be back, and I may even start responding to comments again tomorrow, but tonight I just need to exist. I can't even tell any of my irl friends about this yet since her owner hasn't broken the news to anyone except my trainer and I, so having to kinda do this on my own is proving to be rather difficult. 

Thank you all for understanding, I won't be gone for long. I'm still excited to write the next chapter for this book and even my other one "The Queen and Her King", but I simply don't have the energy right now. Once I come back those two will be updated rather soon, but I'm still a little in shock to say the least. Regardless, thank you for your patience and understanding.

Remember to stay hydrated and to be kind to yourself until next time, and take it easy while you're at it :) 

-Brooke