Cold Hearted

Panic

Elena POV

The back of my eyes hurt as I slowly opened them up to see the still dark sky outside peeking at me from behind the curtain. It must be night still... or really early in the morning. I am so awfully tired... drained was the best way to describe it. I simply remember crying a lot last night, a lot happened last night after all. I could honestly sleep all day... if I could actually get to sleep in the first place that is... on this very comfortable surface I have my head on, but... it doesn't feel like a pillow.

Speaking of pillow though, a smile was brought to my lips as I remembered... the last thing I felt before falling to sleep. I remember muttering something, a goodnight to Harry I believe despite not entirely remembering what I said but... I remember this.... heart fluttering, pillow-like feeling on my forehead last night. It seemed familiar, but I can't exactly place what it really was.

Whatever it was... it was very very nice that was for sure!

Anyway, I eventually forced my eyes to stay open despite the fact that I'm still exhausted and honestly... that extends to physical and emotional exhaustion. I took a long sigh as I remembered the horrid truth I had uncovered last night, it made me shiver with that alone. I absentmindedly snuggled closer to the source of warmth I was enveloped in before actually processing much of where that warmth was coming from. I lazily looked up and realized I was lying on Harry's chest... like completely on Harry's chest.

I don't know how I got here... but it sure is comfy!

I had my head rested right underneath his chin and his arms were completely around me, it looked like I had hugged him in my sleep somewhere along the line. I took a peek at his face and smiled a little bit as he was still asleep... and he looked so cute! He had this lil smile on his face and would occasionally move his head or make a low humming sound, like he was having a nice dream! Well, that's one of us that's getting a good night's sleep at least.

As for me, I thought I was sleeping and yet I feel like I didn't sleep a wink at the same time. I had no dreams, no nothing, only rapid pacing thoughts and moments where my head would replay what I saw last night... even thinking about it makes me sad. I slowly put my head back down on Harry's chest as the obliviousness of having just awoken wore off, and so did my smile.

I frowned and felt my eyes already filling up with tears all over again which isn't fair at all, it's way too early for this! But... I just feel so..... touchy, like emotionally sensitive sorta touchy. Like if someone called me a silly name right now, I would burst into tears sort of sensitive. I whimpered a little bit as I tried to get the tears at bay but miserably failed as keeping it in just made a rouge small sob escape from my lips. I immediately put a hand over my mouth so I wouldn't wake Harry up, I'm sure... I'm sure he's tired from having to deal with me last night anyway.

So I kept my hand pressed firmly against my own mouth so only the smallest of whimpers could get out as tears pooled onto my hand. It... didn't feel great to suppress it, but I don't wanna bother Harry any more than... than I might already have. Thoughts from last night... seeing... seeing papa pass away all over again... it felt suffocating just to think about! I felt my heart beating a little faster, I tried to take deep breaths like Harry always helps me with and I help him with all the time but I... I couldn't do it without him which only made me feel... feel like I can't even look after myself!

I replayed his voice in my head, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that he was smiling at me, taking deep breaths with me, syncing up his breath with mine, then pulling me into a hug to continue so I could feel his chest rise and fall... but it wasn't working. My brain began to move at a hundred miles per hour, thoughts kept spinning and spinning before it became a blur... as long as my eyes were closed I could suddenly only see what I saw yesterday playing over and over again! I felt like I could only hear the screams I had heard from the spring festival all those years back... and it was seriously suffocating me.