perfect? - montgomery de la cruz

Ashley Bennett: Gone but never forgotten

"Ow, my hand.", Justin said with a small laugh. "I'm sorry baby.", Ashley said as she loosened her grip as he laid in the hospital bed.

The situation wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. To say that Ashley was terrified, was an understatement. Every time she left the room, she had a panic attack. Every goddamn time. Just the mere thought of losing him made her want to disappear. Justin knew how scared she was. Shit, he knew how scared everyone was and he tried his best to make everyone laugh. He was laying there in his bed with a big smile on his face as he tried to hide how truly bad the situation was.

The big teddybear that Alex and Charlie had left was sitting on the floor. Justin had insisted that they kept the bear in the room since it was first time in a long while that Ashley had let out a genuine laugh. "I'm going to be fine, my love. After this we'll go back home to New York, alright?", he said as he looked at the anxious wreck that sat next to him.

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"Wow...", was all that Ashley could say after Clay had told her about what Justin had been through. It broke her heart that Justin had ever felt that he needed to sell himself in order to survive.

"Why... Why didn't he tell me?", she asked softly. "I would never judge him for that, I mean shit, I was taken advantage of as well."

"That was the reason, Ash. He didn't want to tell you because he didn't want to burden you. You had a thousand other things to think about and you didn't need that as well. He avoided telling you because he loves you.", Clay explained as his voice started shaking a little.

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Ashley was sitting in the waiting room as her leg was anxiously bouncing up and down. There had been an emergency in Justin's room and she wasn't allowed in because she wasn't his family. She was silently praying that she misheard when one of the nurses yelled that he wasn't responding.

The door to his room bursted open and Clay ran out. "What happened? What's happening?", Ashley asked as she shook his shoulders. "He's not gonna be able to breathe without the machine. We have to make him comfo... oh god... we have to make him comfortable.", he panted as the tears ran down his face. She didn't have time to process what he had said before he ran off.

Comfortable? Why would they have to make him comfortable? Oh. He wasn't leaving the hospital. He wasn't going to New York with her. He was dying.

Clay's parents didn't have time to talk to her before she took off the same way as Clay. She was met with Charlie and Zach that were standing outside the entrance. "Ashley...?", Zach said with a worried tone.

"Why the fuck aren't you in there?", she said as she stepped closer to him. It probably looked pathetic. A 6'2 boy that was towering over a girl he couldn't even look in the eyes. "I can't go in there...", he started.

"No. No, you don't get to do this. You don't get to make this about you. Your best friend is dying. Go up there, you big fucking coward!", Ashley yelled as the tears fell down her face. "Go up there!", she kept on pushing him until he finally went into the hospital to greet his dying friend.

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The following week was awful. Ashley hadn't been in school once because she was planning something. Something big. School didn't fucking matter anymore. How could it, when the person you love the most is dying?

The doctors had given them time to talk to him before he eventually passed. Ashley was laying in the bed with him.

"Please.. please don't leave me baby...", she sobbed into his chest, feeling his tears fall into her hair as well. "I don't want to...", Justin said quietly as he let the love of his life pour her heart out in front of him.

"How am I supposed to do this without you? I can't."

"Yes, you can. You're gonna live a long life without me. Because, you're gonna fall in love again and it's going to be great. It's just not going to be with me.", he said as his own heart broke. His own words hurt him more than anything because he realized that he didn't want to go. He didn't want Ashley to love someone else because he wanted her to love him.

"I'm scared, baby.", he whispered as he put his face into her hair. "I know, I know. I love you.", she said, her tears making her unable to see. "I love you."

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Justin Foley died in his hospital bed surrounded by people that loved him. Ashley, Clay and his parents hugged each other, desperately trying to piece each other back together even though they knew deep inside that they would never be able to.

Ashley never went to the funeral. She was too busy sitting alone in her room.

One can't quite explain the feeling of losing someone you love. Especially when it's before your eyes. It felt as if Ashley had just lost her breath, like she was drowning from within. You can't believe it at first. It's just a dream. But the sinking feeling, the pit of your stomach and the lump in your throat tells you otherwise. It felt like a piece of her heart had been ripped out, and there she stood. Hopelessly. Grasping at thin air. Searching for something, anything to fill it again.

She felt like someone had rolled their sleeves and plunged their fist into her chest, ripping out her still beating heart. The pressure on her chest made it hard to breathe, her breath coming out in short puffs as she screamed until she thought her lungs would collapse. The overwhelming feeling of not wanting to be here anymore flooded over her, an emotion so powerful that it hit her like a freight train. She didn't want to live anymore if all her life consisted of was losing the people she loved.

Ashley Bennett laid on her floor with an empty pill bottle in her hand and two pictures in her other hand. She laid there with a small smile on her face. Jeff and Justin. If you looked at the pictures, it looked like they were alive. But they weren't.

She was scared but she wanted to die. She was tired.

"I know I'm not forgiven. But I hope I'll be given some peace."

Those were her last words before the drugs completely took over her system and left her to die.

Ashley Bennett died in her bedroom. Alone. Surrounded by no one but the hope of being reunited with her love.

Thank you so much for reading the last chapter of perfect? - montgomery de la cruz. It has been a long ride and I feel really good about the ending even though it was a tear jerker.

Thank you all for reading and for the last time...

Please don't forget to like and comment!

-elise:)