Desire

page 44

44

"I laid in silence. I couldn't believe what I had done.

"I have to go" I said as I jumped up and headed to the bathroom to put on my clothes.

"Deysire, wait!' Angel said as he walked towards the bathroom.

I stopped, he grabbed my hand and walked me back to the bed where we sat side by side.

"I,..." I started

"Don't say you're sorry. Saying that means that you regret what just happened and I can't take that. Your body needed me. 

"Angel, we're both married and I..." I caught myself from telling him that I was sleeping with his dad.

"I understand. I am sorry for disrespecting your marriage, Deysire but I am not sorry for touching you the way you needed to be touched, for kissing you like you wanted me to. I felt your body go weak. You felt safe with me and in that moment, you did not feel the need to be strong. My body covered yours as protection. Those orgasms we just gave one another was an exchange of power."

I was sitting there with absolutely no control. I knew the situation wasn't right. There was nothing that I could tell myself that would justify my actions.

"Angel, I have to go!" I said while hurrying to the door. I made my way back to my room and showered.

I thought for hours about what to do and ultimately, I made the decision to leave. I booked a flight and wrote a note to Angel.

Angel,

I'm sorry for leaving.

I have to go home. Thanks for everything.

Love,

Deysire.

I left the note at the front desk as I checked out. I got into my uber and headed for the airport. While in the car, I thought about Keith. I was no better than him. I was no better than Amanda. Were we now even? I just wanted to go home and be held by my husband. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I questioned myself. I text Keith.

"Hey. Left the trip a little early.

Started missing you. Sorry for the way I've been treating you. Will be home around 10a.m"

Once I sent the text, I felt even worse. I wasn't in love with him anymore. I had fallen out of love with the only man that I had ever known. So why was I texting him and willing to forgive him for fucking my best friend? Because it was easier to pretend with Keith than to ever admit what I had done.

I arrived at the airport and checked my phone before shutting it off to board the plane, to see if Keith responded. Nothing.

I continued to boarding. Once seated, I put in my earplugs and fell asleep.

I arrived at the airport on schedule. Claimed my baggage and caught a trolly over to my car. I headed home and to my surprise, Keith was there. I walked inside and he was sitting in his favorite chair.

"Hi" I said

He said nothing.

"Keith?" I said loudly

He stood up with his arms behind his back and I could see his eyes watering. "Keith, what's wrong?" I said now worried.

He walked up to me, stared at me and stood silently and then handed me my diary.