Destined

I Will Never Ever Be Yours

Reluctently I wore the clothes of a woman my destined had slept with, who lived in his harama. Why I didn't deny to wear her clothes? Because I wanted to get out of the castle as soon as possible, to return to my house, my grandfather and to forget about this whole matter. I'd talk to our Daonnachd council for advice. Perhaps they knew a way, how I could escape to one of the other big cities where I would submerge, never to be found again, even by the Lord himself. It would mean to leave everything I knew behind, except my grandfather. He surely would come with me.

Ailis was watching me with mixed feelings on her face: fear, sadness, anger and a little hope. Hope? What for? I didn't know and couldn't care enough at the moment. I only wanted to leave. But at the same time I was curious to know more about my strange, beastly and intimidating destined. 

„Tell me something about your brother. I don't know anything about him other than what everybody knows." 

Ailis snorted. „If he would treat me like a brother, perhaps I could answer your question." She sighed. „He doesn't open up to anyone." But then she looked thoughtful. „Well, perhaps he talks more to Senan. You could call him his friend. They grew up together, although Senan is a Daonnachd. He is the son of our Sapientis." 

Ah, yes, the Sapientis. Every Protos had an adviser and it was always a Daonnachd, because they knew of the past and more about the future. Sapientis is Latin for wise and indeed he was. This is the reason why we Daonnachd hate him. He was a traitor to our race. He used his knowledge to our own misery, to keep us in dependency, as the bottom of this city. 

We weren't a member of the High Board, the round table, where every race send two members to negotiate with the others about the matters and businesses of Gordan. The Protos was the head of everything but he accepted the vote of the High Board. We Daonnachd were nothing, so we had no seat there. And the Sapientis did nothing, absolutely nothing, to improve our situation. This was unforgivable.

„The Protos is a hard and intimidating creature. There is no space in his heart for weakness or pity. His father raised him in a harsh and really cruel way. He didn't get love from anybody, not even his mother, who was a dominating and emotionless woman of power. All he got was a brutal training to be a merciless Protos, Lord of Desa."

I hurt for the little boy who didn't get a chance to develop in a different way and now we all were bound to obey to the will of a dominant and cruel being.

„When ... our ...father died", her hesitancy to call her creator "father" told me everything I needed to know about her own relationship to him. „... when he died, my brother was 17 summers old. He took the title and the measures in his hands. First thing he did, was to visit all big towns in Desa and to set the bailiffs straight about his will and wishes with no room for discussions."

I heard about his takeover after the old Lord's death but was to young to remember the details. „How old is Gaisgeil?" 

Her eyes widened. „He allowed you to call him by his name?"

I only nodded. „You really mean something to him...", she muttered. I laughed out loud - a cynical laugh, that silenced Ailis. 

"I mean nothing to him, Ailis, don't be deceived." 

Ailis's face was pensive. „Come, sit down, l'll braid your hair, but first put on the dress." I did as she told me, curious to hear more details about the Lord.

As she worked on my hair, she began to speak. „My brother is in his 20th summer. Callida, he doesn't know another life. THIS is all he knows: fight, conquer and punishment. Perhaps...perhaps YOU can change that?" Her voice became small at the end.