Destined

„I Hate Him More"

Amarin's words hung in the air like a sword ready to fall. My ears couldn't believe what they heard. A group of unknown people were planning to overthrow Gaisgeil, the Lord of Desa...my destined. This was a shocking news. 

From the corner of my eyes I saw how Amarin was assessing my reaction to this disclosure, his eyes never leaving my face. Even the announcement of their plan - without putting anything into action - could cost his life...and perhaps mine too by association, even if it was unwillingly.

Why did he tell me „their" aim? He must have been sure, that I won't run to Gaisgeil to reveal what I heard. Who is this group anyway? What is Amarin aiming at? My assistance in this scheming? I had to know everything, but at the moment I was paralyzed, I couldn't think straight.

„You said 'we'...who are these people?", I asked agitated. 

Amarin's face hardened. „I told you already too much, because I thought, you are trustworthy. I am not so sure by now. I won't risk our mission or the lives of the resistance fighters."

„Then why DID you tell me? You must have thought long about it, if you can trust me enough to keep your secret? You are well aware, that you told me openly that you want to take down...my destined?" I faced him to see, if his answer is honest.

Amarin snorted. „Fate must hate you to give you a monster as a mate", he spat venomously. I cringed at his hateful comment. When he saw my reaction, his face showed remorse and guilt. 

„No, please, sorry Callida...I really don't meant what I said." He took a step in my direction but I stopped his advance by the rise of my hand. 

I shook my head annoyed. „No sugarcoating, you spoke what you thought. No need to deny it."

I paced the room, for the first time realising, where I actually was. It was a casually equipped room with several seatings, cushons and small tables. Obviously a room to have a nice small talk. The cozy atmosphere  contradicted the talk we had right now.

I stopped and turned to Amarin who was patiently observing. „Look, if you had told me a few weeks ago, I would have leaped in the air and praised Theos."

Amarin's facial expression switched in nanoseconds. His patience faded being replaced by a piercing stare. Like a hawk he was watching me. „But something changed, doesn't it?" he inquirend with a hardly hidden accusation. As my face fell, his eyes widened. 

He gulped visibly. „You ...you fell for this", his expression turned sour, „abomination?" I turned my head away not ready to face his reaction or lecture. He huffed, clearly unhappy.

„Callida, you are a smart, intelligent young woman, you can't be serious", he cried out. „That man was raised to conquer and rule without pity. He is cruel and evil to everyone. We Daonnachd are the scum on the bottom of his shoes. How can you even think about it?"

„It's funny how you call yourself a Daonnachd.", I shot back at him. But when I saw the hurt on his features, I instantly regretted my sarcasm. I wasn't somebody who hurt others with intent. His accusation let me to retaliate, but it was wrong.

Exhailing, I calmed myself. „Look, I know who Gaisgeil is. I know he is cruel and hard. But I also saw other sides of his personality, that perhaps nobody saw except me."

Amarin listened without interrupting my thoughts. „He had no chance, Amarin, he is the product of his upbringing. His father raised him to be a heartless, cruel leader without compassion - not for his own kind and certainly not for the other races." I know I sounded a little bit pathetic but I wanted Amarin to understand, that perhaps there are other ways to change Desa...with Gaisgeil.

„Before you snatched me, I came from a meeting with a delegation of the Cuan." I searched Amarin's eyes. „At the end of our talk, Gaisgeil announced, that from now on the Daonnachd will be a part of the High Board with two delegates at the round table." I saw the disbelief, the shock in Amarin's face.

„Gaisgeil IS able to change. He only needs new perceptions. Gaisgeil trusts me, he..."

„Tell me, why should the Lord of Desa, who impales on a daily basis his enemies, trust a Daonnachd?" His eyes roamed my face than my body. I felt uneasy under his cold stare. 

„You are a pretty Daonnachd, Callida, but I saw the women your destined fucked. They were rare beuties... like Blaithin. Why do you think, you are so special to him?"

This was a real cruel blow...but I kept my composure. Don't show weaknesses was the first lecture I learned at the Laidir. You can hurt and crumble on the inside but on the outside you should show strength and determination.

„Perhaps he isn't as superficial as you?", I countered his effort to belittle me. Amarin closed his eyes shamefully, pain emerging on his handsome features. 

„I am sorry, Callida. I talked without honour. This was low by me." I nodded slowly. „Yes, it was and I think, I did nothing to earn your contempt."

He shook his head, angry at himself. „I hurts to see you getting near the Lord, I am not blind. The other day at your house everybody present could see, that he has real feelings for you. I saw the burning jealousy in his eyes as he strangled me", Amarin grunted.

Now I was clueless. Why should he be hurt by Gaigeil's feelings? „He is my destined, Amarin, it's in the nature of the bond that we feel attracted to each other. He is a possessiv Creachadair, it's their instict to claim what they believe to be theirs."

Again, Amarin shook his head. „No, it wasn't the demonstration of ownership that I saw..." He  watched me in a hopeless way. „It was real...it was ...love", he voiced out repelled.

I stood there petrified. Why did Gaisgeil's growing feelings for me bother Amarin so much? My forehead wrinkled. His chuckle tore me out of my thoughts.

„You don't know, do you?" His question and searching eyes left me speechless. He insinuated, that I oversaw something that was obvious. The wrinkles on my forehead deepened...

Amarin took the few steps until he was in front of me, only inches away. He watched me quizzically.

„I want you too, Callida, with all my heart and I hate the Lord even more, because fate honoured him by such a precious gift like you."