Destined

"Still There"

„Can we have some private conversation?"

His eyes trailed my face with hope and fear of rejection at the same time. I watched his facial expression in disbelief:  The big Protos, first of all men, was afraid, a human would refuse him!? If that wasn't worth an entry in history books! In the first time in our new age, a Lord of Desa fears a Daonnachd. My eyes gauged him. Was he for real? Was this the same man that send me without a second thought three summer and winters away to the Laidir to be trained? The man that cheated on me? I couldn't make out what was going on in his head. Why was he suddenly so...devoted, clinging and jealous? What changed?

I nodded slowly. „Follow me, we can talk in my room." 

I turned around to lead the way through our little cozy house, aware of his physical presence behind me. His intimidating body shape dwarfed everything around him. From the corner of my eye I sneaked at him, how he took everything in: the pictures on the walls, the shelves, the books. When we reached my room, I inhaled deeply before entering. This was my little world. Everything in it had a deep meaning to me. Now he would enter this private shelter. As I opened the door I watch his curious face closely.

His eyes immediately looked around...amazed, when he perceived everything. Slowly he walked to my book shelves - my sanctuaries. Grandfather and I invested every coin we didn't need for food or heating in books that we got our hands on. Books, only we Daonnachd could read. 

It was still a mystery, why the other creatures weren't able to read. They simply couldn't learn how to spell the alphabet, how to read. Many tried to learn but failed - so they gave up. This is the reason, why they needed us Daonnachd. This was the reason, why they simply couldn't get rid of us. Knowledge was our savior in a world of strength, were you are valued by your physical and mental ability to dominate others. It was a contradiction in itself. They depended on us, we depended on them. Nobody could live without the other. 

I observed, how Gaisgeil took one big anatomical atlas out. He turned the pages with the explanations of the inner organs. His index finger began to trail the letters.

"S.. s ..Sp..spine." I stood there...frozen in place. "Ki...kid...kidney." His voice was a little unsure and shy but he spelled the words right. I was speechless. His shipish eyes met mine. I woke up from my stupor.

"Gaisgeil...you can read?", I asked astonished. I drew closer to him, my hand reaching for the book.Our fingers accidentally touched. His rough calloused hands looked gigantic...and scary. What he could do with his hands. Snap my neck without much effort. He must have felt my emotions because the next instant he took my withdrawing hand in his, holding the book in his other. 

"No, I would never, never hurt you. This hands would destroy everybody and everything but never you." My eyes searched his. I didn't want to confirm his statement. I cleared my throat and withdrew my hand from his grip. He let me go.

"So...when did you learn to read?", I asked puzzled. I had to know, how he learned something that seemed so impossible. I had to tell my grandfather. This was amazing, extraordinary ....beyond the bounds.

His eyes remained on me, a little hurt, than turned back to the book. "Senan and I used to play when we were little boys. He was my first real friend. When his father Sapientis started to teach his son, I wanted to learn too. At that time we were inseparable." He watched me warry and a little sad. "Sapientis tried his best. He was very patient with his pupils. Senan moved forward in a fast speed. He was simply a smart boy. The progresses he made in a short period of time were admirable. It was the first time I began to understand as a child, that Daonnachd could do something, I wasn't capable of."

He watched me with an empty gaze. "It was a really sobering moment. The delusion I was thrown in by my father's parenting, dissolved. Here I was not the Protos, the strongest, the heir of Desa." He chuckled ...but in a dark way, that showed his self-loath.

"A simple little Dannoachd was my superior, although I was the future ruler of Desa." He shook his head, still chuckling. "I talked to my father about it." Gaisgeil's eyes turned to me again. "You know what he did?" I froze in anticipation. Slowly I shook my head "no".

"He beat me into unconciousness. When I woke up, he told me to never doubt again, that we Creachadair stood above all the other creatures. That we were born to rule over all". He pierced my eyes with a cold stare. "He said, the other creatures were weak and useless. Slowly I began to believe his words, so I never played with Senan again and stopped visiting Sapientis teachings."

My heart went out for the little boy who had questions that remained unanswered. Who needed guidance and love but received nothing but pain,  chastisement and cruelty. No wonder he himself developed into a cruel ruler. 

I took slowly a few steps until I reached his strong tall body. My hand rose in anticipation. My fingers traced his leather uniform. I felt his muscles ripple under my touch. My fingers wandered further, above his big arm to his colarbone that was hidden under silver fragments sewn into the leather. When I reached his cheek, my movements stopped. Gaisgeil observed me, not interrupting my actions. He stood still.

I watched his green predatory eyes. And suddenly they weren't cold and judging. No, they were warm and soulful. My destined! Strong, harsh, cruel! But there was also something else: a sensitive and emotional, intelligent side that was hidden under a lot of layers. The former Protos couldn't beat this side out of his son.  It was still there - awaiting to be allowed out.

"Gaisgeil", I whispered, while my fingers moved on, caressing his cheek tenderly. 

Two strong arms embraced me carefully, afraid not to startle me. His chin placed on my head, he humed. My arms went automatically around his upper body. There we stood, in silence, relishing each others presence without words. I felt his lips kiss my head.

"I know that you search for answeres, my destined. Desa has secrets that are well-hidden." The hair on my neck rose. How could he know? 

"I'll help you find these answers."