Destined

„I Am Not That Cruel"

I was a healer. I swore to save all lives, regardless of who they were, what they did, if they were good or bad creatures. A life is a life and I am no judge of its value. A true healer does not condemn and treats the ill, wounded and the dying, regardless of their status. 

Of course I accompanied Gaisgeil back to the castle ... to the mother of his child. His child, that perhaps was about to lose its life. I felt horrible, torn between relief and guilt. Am I really that cruel to feel comfort with the death of an innocent child? I felt repulsed of myself. 

We were guided to the rooms of her...Blaithin. The woman who felt his intimate touch on her skin, who shared her body with his. His child grew in her womb. Or was it already too late? Was it dead, left this world before it had a chance to live? I felt a sharp pain. No, it wasn't right to wish its death, no matter the circumstances of the baby's conception. It held no responsibility of its parents betrayal. 

I made up my mind. If it was in my power to save this child, I would. As we entered Blaithin's bedroom, we heard her whimpers and cries of grief. Gaisgeil stopped in his tracks, his face showing ...  simply nothing. Like an empty canvas.

I rushed with my case past him to the bed in the center of the room. One woman, who looked exactly like Blaithin, only older, send me a dismissive glance. 

„What is SHE doing here", she cried outraged. „Be quite, woman. Callida is a healer, you should feel honored she even looks at your daughter", Sapientis cold voice warned her. I ignored both, opening my case to take my stethoscope out. „What's that ...THING", the woman shrieked. „Hold your tongue", Sapientis replied angrily. Meanwhile Gaisgeil remained silent and ... strangely detached. I wondered what was going on in his head but didn't have the time to ponder on it. 

I sat myself on the mattress next to Blaithin, who watched me carefully, whimpering. „My baby ..., my little baby", she cried, holding her belly, big tears rolling down her cheecks. I took her hand. „Blaithin, listen please ... I have to examine your belly to know, what's happening inside, if your child is alright." Her whimpers lowered a little. 

I showed her my stethoscope. „With this instrument I can hear the heartbeat of your baby. It'll be a little bit cold at first on your skin, so don't be startled", I warned her gently. With big eyes she observed my actions. „I have to uncover your belly to put the instrument on your skin." Slowly I shoved her nightgown up, displaying her babybump..." Her hand garbed mine firmly. "Why are you helping me", her judicial eyes tried to stare me down. "Do you want to hurt my child?", her voice slightly threatening. Her accusation made my blood boil. I huffed out loud but tried to keep my composure. 

Perhaps she already lost her unborn child, I tell myself. Be patient, my mind  demanded but my heart hammered in my chest. I tried to fight off all the negative feelings errupting at the same moment: the hurt, the jealousy, the resentment. I didn't want to be the destined of the Lord of Desa! I didn't ask to become the Prota. I railed against my fate. 

But at this single moment, only ONE thing was of importance: to help an unborn child. I couldn't live with the guilt, not to have done everything in my power, to prevent this child's death. "Listen, I know, the situation is strange, but I am your best choice. Do you want your child to survive?" My eyes showed determination. She searched my face for any traces of treasury, but obviously found none, because she noded frantically. "Than let me see if your child is still alive and if we can save it." Suddenly she let go of my hand and I was free to do my calling.

Carefully I put the stethoscope on her skin, listening. At first I heard nothing ..but than ... THERE, the fast and rhythmic beating of a child's heart. I smiled relieved. "The child lives!", I cried out. Blaithin instantly wept, shedding happy tears. "But why...why am I bleeding?", she asked with an uncertain look." I shook my head. "It could be of many reasons. I can tell you after I made a vaginal examinaton." She only nodded slowly. 

Turning around, I adressed the others in the room. "Please, leave us, I have to check her gynecologically." Sapientis followed immediatly my order, dragging Blaithin's mother with him who tried to fight him of. "No, I have to stay, she is my daughter ...", but he forced her outside. 

Gaisgeil and I watched each other. Quizzically I roamed his features. But I saw ...nothing. No pain, no anxiety ... nothing. His face was blank, totally detached. Than, he abruptly turned around without a single word, about to leave the room. "Lord ... Gaisgeil, please", Blaithin called  after  him. I saw his shoulders stiffen. Only for a few seconds he stopped in his step, but than he was gone out of the door.

I turned around slowly, speechless. Blaithin's soft cries filled the room. "Why, why is he so cold? What did I do to resent me? I carry his child ... perhaps his son and he simply walks away?", her painful sobs shaking her body.

His son! I felt uneasy in my skin, the bad feeling of betrayal hauting me.