Destined

„No More Dodging The Decision"

I saw how agitated Gaisgeil was, how Blaithin's open display of her feelings affected him. Clearly he was torn. A few months ago he must have been drawn to her ...or in some way flattered by her desire for him. He gave in. Pretty soon he understood, that is was only a fleeting moment, nothing more. But his actions had a side-effect: he created by default a new life that'll bound him forever to the mother of his first child. 

Gaisgeil wasn't like his father, who was cruel and reckless to his women AND his children. My destined was different than I thought. My hand in his, he let me to a faraway corner of the castle. As we arrived in front of a simple and old wooden door, he turned to me.

„Nobody comes here, nobody but me, Sapientis and Senan. We can talk here." Curious I followed through the door...and was left speechless. It was a ginormous library with thousands of books, documents and folders. THOUSANDS! A dream came true. With a few hurried steps I was in front of the first gigantic shelf. Hesitantly  I reached out. Biochemistry - biological processes at the cellular and molecular level. My fingers began trembling. This was fantast...

„I told you, I would help you discover a few secrets of Desa. This is the beginning." Gaisgeil stepped next to me. „Senan and I played in this library as boys." He laughed silently with a soft smile on his face. 

„As Senan begann to read, he was always with a book in his hands in here. I couldn't understand the appeal...", he snorted, „because obviously, I can't read. But I knew instinctively that these books held a knowledge that was important." He watched me intently.

I cleared my throat. „Well, yes... indeed. This book here..." His hand on my shoulder stopped my enthusiasm. „The book won't disappear. It's here for you to explore with thousands of others. You can research until the last sheet of paper. But first, I have to talk to you about what happened with ...", he hesitated, his eyes lowered to the ground. My enthusiasm was abruptly gone. 

I groaned. „Gaisgeil, I know it's hard on you, but you have to make up your mind." I looked him straight in the eye. „No more dodging the decision: Do you want her? Yes or no?" I observed his facial play carefully.

His eyes widened. „NO", he shouted agitated. Embarrassed he coughed. „I mean, no, I don't want her." His eyes were open and honest, I saw no hidden lies in the depths of his green orbs. „I want a chance with you, Callida. With you only." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. „I can't change, that she'll have my child. That ship sailed. And I am ashamed, to have wished..."

He turned away. I touched his arm, the book still pressed in front of my chest. „Gaisgeil..." He laughed bitterly. „What kind of man with honour wishes the death of his unborn child?" 

To say I was shocked was a understatement. No, this wasn't right. I had to let him know. „This child is yours, Gaisgeil. You don't have to be with the mother to be a good father. This child is yours to hold and to love."

With a dull face he watched me intently, nodding. „And you, Callida, no more dodging the decision.  Can you live with the fact, that this child will be a constant reality in my life?"

My heart clenched. No more running away. I had to make a decision. Could I honestly live with it? Blaithin would always be a thorn in my side. But the child...no, I couldn't hate the child. It was innocent.

„I can't watch into the future, Gaisgeil. But for now, I can truly admit, yes, I can. If I want to be a part of your life, I have to accept your child." I stepped into his personal space with narrowed eyes. „But if you ever betray me from this point on, I will kill you and throw your bones to the dogs to feat. No harama, no other women. Did I make myself clear?"

His eyes brightened, smiling relieved. „If I ever betray or cheat on you, you may do as you said, I won't defend myself." Our eyes drank each other with a new formed longing and understanding.

To hide from his heated stare, I turned around to the shelves. „This place is really big, Gaisgeil." With the book in hands I scanned the other dozens of books on the first shelf. „It's incredible...and I can freely examine all the books and documents? No restrictions." Gaisgeil shook his head. „No limits, you are free to do as you please."

„And what happens, when I'll find some truths, that will change our way of living? That has the power to destroy Desa as we know it?" Gaisgeil let his eyes roam the shelves, the books and papers. He exhaled, rubbing his chin. With a clear determination he glanced my way, than again at the amounts of books.

„Then, so be it."

I was taken aback by his fatalism. Is this the man, who ruled Desa with an iron hand? Who suppressed every tendency to change the power he hold? 

„Are you sure, you want that?", I tried to push him. He nodded dejected. „I always knew, something is lurking within our past. I know, that the Daonnachd were once the only human race. I always wanted to know, what changed. How is it possible, we have diverse races now? The Creachadair, Cuan, Dhaoine, Immaniter, Laidir, we are strong, big, resilient. But we can't use our brain like you Daonnachd can. Why? There must be a reason, Callida. Perhaps, you will solve the riddle?"

My eyes bulged. I was speechless about his deep thoughts. He really thought about this and wanted to know the truth. I slowly neared his strong, warm body. I touched with my right hand his broad chest. The leather under my fingers was smooth. As my eyes rose up to his face, I met  his piercing stare. 

I opened my lips to tell him my own thoughts but was interrupted by an entering Sapientis. „My Lord, a delegation of the Cuan want to talk to you", he turned to me, „and you, my Prota."

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Cuan= Gaelic= sea

Beanntan= Gealic= mountain

Teine= Gealic= flame

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