Destined

„Do I Have A Choice?"

His arms held me in a steely  grip. No escape possible. His ragged breathing fanned my neck. I let my hands travel his back up and down in a soothing rhythm - with gritted teeth. Although I was angry as possible, I knew, only my touch could relax him now. "Gaisgeil, I am here, I am not going anywhere!", I whispered softly in his ear. Slowly, very slowly, his breathing settled down in to a steady rhythm, his grip on my body less painful and scary. 

But than I stiffened again, when I felt his lips on my neck leaving little butterfly kisses. Again, I tried to wiggle out of his hold, but he growled lowly as a warning, his lips still on my skin. "Gaisgeil", I huffed out annoyed, "no, let me go". He raised his head so he could watch my reaction out of the corner of his eye. Exhaling he straightened up und rouse to his full height. His eyes were closed, as he breathed slowly in and out, obviously trying to gain full controll over his emotions.

"Callida", his rough voice sounded raw and still not totally human, „you have to understand, that you belong to me, as I belong to you." His green eyes opened, scanning my face hauntingly. " I won't let you go. Only death can unbind us." I was speechless about the power his words emanated. There was a part of me - I am ashamed to admit - that gravitated to his words that broadcasted his dominance. The other, rational side of me, felt revolted. He had no right to feel this possessiveness. I was not his property. 

I kept still, thinking about my next move. His body language told me, he knew, I was not happy with his actions and words. My eyes searched his. „I know, you grew up as the Protos, Lord of Desa. You learned from a very early age that everything, either breathing or unbreathing, belongs to you and is at your will." His eyes narrowed suspiciously, daring me to be wise with my next words.  

„Yes, some force draws us together, but I won't be toyed. It's my life and nobody, not even YOU, oh mighty Lord, will force his will on me", I warned him.

To my utter astonishment...Gaisgeil...laughed. Warmly, heartily. There I thought he would laugh at me and mock my resistance, and humiliate my weakness. But he only laughed, heartfelt. My eyes bulged out of their sockets. He coughed to regain his composure, watching me with a tenderness, that made me blush. What's ... going on in his mind? 

„I've seen men twice your size shit their pants in my presence, Callida. I don't think that you are weak or my possession. You only prove, that you are born to be strong, to be a Prota in the best way. You'll stand by my side to rule, not to yield to my will, but to reign WITH me." 

I was dumbfounded...totally lost for words. My ears must have tricked me. THIS was not the Lord of Desa I knew.  I felt helpless, didn't know, how to react, what to make out of him. He was so contradicting: possessive, yet accepting, strong, yet weak, aggressiv, yet tender. 

 „Look, Callida, I know, what I did was"... he searched for words, careful not to raise my walls against him..."thoughtless and imprudent, but I can't change what happened in a drunken moment out of control. We have to live with the outcome."

He saw, I was ready to oppose, so he kept speaking. „The only thing we can do is to decide together, how to deal with our future. Yes, there is a child on its way and I can't deny that it's mine and I'll embrace it."

Gaisgeil took my hand in his rough gigantic palms, stroking it tenderly. „I want you, NOT her...", he muttered. „She was only a compensation...no...not even that...ugh." Frustrated he furrowed his eyebrows, sorrow shadowing his features. I stayed silent, didn't want to interrupt his thoughts, longing to hear them. 

His eyes buried themselves in mine. „I can't change the past, Callida, if I could, I would. Please believe me, please forgive me." Tears started to burn my eyes. I knew, he regreted his doings. But I am not sure IF I wanted to deal with his errors. It was a turning point. Either I forgave him and lived day by day, being a step-mother...perhaps learning to love his child. Or...Yes, what? What's the alternative. Do I have a real choice?

Before I could clear my thoughts, we heard men rushing our way. As they arrived, they straightened up, their right hand clasped in a fist over their heart. „Lord, Sapientis send us, you have to come to the castle, immediately." The man speaking watched me cautiously. Gaisgeil was clearly annoyed about the command in the man's choice of words and narrowed his eyes.

„WHAT? Who dares...", Gaisgeil snarled. The men cowered, expecting the rage of their Protos. I calmly laid my hand on Gaisgeil's back which relaxed him instantly. „Tell me now, why am I expected?", my destined asked in a calmer way. The man looked at me carefully and without explaining why ... I KNEW.

„Lord...there is a problem with...Blaithin." Gaisgeil's eyes widened. „What problem?", he demanded in a stern voice. 

The man send me a last cautious stare. "Blaithin is bleeding".