Destined

"Harsh Realization"

I ignored Gaisgeil's physical presence next to me, his attempts to explain everything. I gave him the silent treatment, too hurt to listen to anything he had to say. How many times have I had to hurt myself like that? To feel myself humiliated, jealous and as a second choice? A choice, he didn't even make himself - destiny did. An unnatural force nobody really understood. Destined!? Who destined us as the ideal pair? Who decided that our natures were best accomplished if together?

"I've had enough. If you are willing to talk to me, to listen to my story, you'll have to come to ME. I'm fed up begging for mercy." His cold eyes send me a clear message: I AM THE LORD and I am done whining for your forgiveness. I watched his back, as he rode in front of the troop in the direction of the woman...Ceallach. 

My heart contracted painfully but my mind told me to let him go. He overstepped my boundaries. He was proud? And I? What was I? Somebody who was bound to forgive? Someone to trample on, someone who doesn't fight back, who doesn't draw consequences?
I didn't want to be that person. He wanted ME to crawl in front of HIS feet? Have fun waiting...

I snorted, shaking my head. No, that won't happen. My burning eyes watched him, how his horse climbed up the ledge, where she was. The tears threatened to fall, but I kept them in. No...I won't let them see how terrible and betrayed I felt in this moment. 

To my left and right Ai and Yrina appreared, silently riding beside me. I felt their careful gazes on me, but they didn't say a word.

I knew, one of them would break the silence, and I knew exactly who.

"You are right to ignore him. He is not good enough for someone like you!", Yrina gritted out.

"Like me? You mean weak and yielding?", I asked in a dull voice.

"What are you talking about, stupid girl?", she replied.   

"Yrina, leave them be. They should talk it out, don't interfere", Ai admonished her.

"TALK IT OUT? How many fucking times, Ai? She is hurt because of that horndog", she spat out.

Yrina sighed, watching how I cringed at her words. "Callida, you know I am not somebody who sweet talks. I'll never deceive you and lie to you, I love you too much for that."

I waited for her next words meant for me. I knew, she would never hurt me and lie to me, she was too straight forward and honourable.

Yrina scanned my face with soft eyes. "You are wonderful, Callida. It's as simple as that. You are beautiful, smart, loving, charitable, what is there not to love and cherish?"

Now, I coudn't hold back a tear that rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away.

"It hurts, Yrina, so much. Everytime I feel at ease, everytime I am happy and careless, I find myself hurt. His past catches up with us and I can't help it...", I whispered.

Yrina growled. "You should deny the bond. Tell him you are done with him. As far as I know, you Daonnachd can sleep perfectly at night after you denied your destined. We others can't. We are hurting deeply, Callida. Let HIM hurt and whine about his loss. Save yourself a lot of pain and walk away. Now it's the perfect time."

Ai stayed quiet, her face a serene mask.

Together we observed, how Gaisgeil dismounted his horse, walking a few steps between the wolves that surrounded Ceallach. He didn't show fear of the wolves, like he knew they wouldn't hurt him. My hand fisted around the leather reins as I observed, how he reached her. They faced each other, talking with smiling lips.

"Leave him", Yrina silently advised.  Slowly her head turned to me. "Please, listen to me for once. There are many men out there, who would kiss the earth you walk upon. Let him go."