Destined

"Couldn't You Learn To Love My Child?"

„Callida, wait...please", Gaisgeil called out to me in a desperate voice. I ignored his plea, too unsettled to be armed for a confrontation with him. How could he? Although I know, we don't „love" each other, him and I should respect this bond fate put upon us. There is a reason, we were destined to each other and I was willing to find out why. But Gaisgeil destroyed everything that could have been, by trampling on this bond in the worst way. 

Having his first child with another woman? Apart from being betrayed, I could never forgive this atrocity. I came back to see where we stood, if we could be anything...but now, I got my answer. Suddenly big hands grabbed my arms to a halt in a firm headlock. 

I couldn't move one single inch, he was simply too strong. His frantic breath fanned down my neck. My back was pressed against his hard big body. We kept silent for a few seconds, relishing in a strange way the warmth and comfort of each other's presence. The mate bond worked its magic. „You have to let me explain, Callida, to understand the whole picture, than you may condemn me", his hoarse voice demanded. 

„Oh, believe me, I will condemn you, nothing you could say will change what I am feeling at the moment". I heard a deep sigh behind me. „And what DO you feel?", he asked in a soft voice, a little quiver resonating through his words. 

„Utterly betrayed", I shot back in a cold voice. Gaisgeil inhaled deeply, as he rested his chin on my head. I stayed silent, although I wanted to rip him to shreds. „Please, let us talk, but not here in the corridors, where everyone can hear. Please!", he begged. I was confused, hurt but through  all these negative feelings I realized his plea. A Protos never pled ...with nobody. But he did! Why? Was I really important to him? Im what way? Didn't he say as a last good bye 3 summers ago, that I had to live with his ways and to shut my mouth?

I nodded without words, suppressing my anger. He led us through the halls, where curious eyes followed our every movement. I huffed, annoyed by their gawking. They only wanted to see my reaction - knowing, that another woman was pregnant with my destined's child. They craved to be the witnesses of my break down, my humiliation! Suddenly Gaisgeil stopped, turning around to the crowd he growled. "If you keep on annoying my destined, I am going to claw your eyes." The next moment they all dissolved ...

Silently we went on, until we reached the open iron gate of the garden.  Several women with their children and a few couples walked together through the endless sea of flowers and plants, well kept by us Daonnachd. Gaisgeil guided us into the maze made of high boxwoods. After a few serpetines and turns, we reached a little meadow with a wooden bench. "Nobody is in the maze, we are alone", he  told me, indicating with his hand to sit down. I knew, his high developed animalistic senses detected our surroundings. I watched him take a seat and followed reluctantly.

Nobody wanted to speak first. We both knew, that this converstation would make us or break us. Gaisgeil cleared his throat. "When you left Gordan, I sent the women of the harama instantly off with a fortune in their hands. Most of them sought other ... benefactors, or left Gordan for good." His words soothed a hole my soul. I felt disgusted with myself and my weakness, but I felt relieved. The thought of him and his harama tortured me. Gaisgeil watched me with an honest expression. "You have to believe me, Callida...what I said than", he made a grimace, "I only said those hurtful words to show no weakness in front you." He laughed silently, shaking his head in amusement. "You were a young girl with an attitude and it triggered the worst in me...." 

I gulped, turning away from his intense stare. It felt like a heavy burden was lifted off my heart. What an impact he had on me and we weren't even together. But as nice as it was to hear his honesty...it didn't change the fact, that he slept with another woman, impregnating her. I felt his burning gaze on me. Slowly my head turned in his direction.

"You have to believe me, I was faithful the first two years of your absence." I saw his emotions on his features: remorse, longing, desperation. He didn't even try to suppress his feelings. "At night, I felt your pain. You were miserable and it resonated through our bond. But than, suddenly, it stopped, you felt better and even happy." My eyebrows furrowed. "Why couldn't I feel your emotions?" Gaisgeil shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe, because you had enough to deal with, maybe, because you are a Daonnachd?"

"Than, in your third year at the Laidir", he took a big breath of air, "I met Blaithin. She was in love with me. Loneliness got me in a dark place. And she...understood and gave me comfort." I snorted. "Yes, spreading her legs for a man who is not her destined, who belongs obviously to somebody else, is a prove of a great character. She knew, you had found your destined, everyone in Gordan knew." 

I felt heat burning in my stomach. "And you?" I am sure, my eyes burned like yellow fires. "You gave in to your loneliness. Don't you think I was lonely too and miserable? Don't you think, I needed comfort too?" Gaisgeil watched my outbreak with a pained expression. "And what do you expect me to do now, huh? To be understanding and forgiving? To accept that she'll have your child and play the dotting step-mum?" I studied his face. "Or...do you want to break the bond and marry her?" His eyes widened, shaking his head wildly, denying my question. "NO, I WON'T BREAK OUR BOND, NEVER", he roared.

I clenched my jaws. "Perhaps it's the best way to solve our problem." Gaisgeil grabbed my hands. "No, Callida, no. I made a mistake, yes, but I stopped what I had with her before I even knew she was pregnant. I only slept once with her when I was drunk. When she told me, I was devastated." His eyes pierced my soul. "You have to believe me, I want to get to know you, to be with you. YOU are my destined, my only hope to be happy and to live a full life."

He stroke my palm. "Please, give us a chance, although everything is messy. We'll solve it together." I took him in. Yes, he was desparate. Yes, he was sorry. But did I have to pay the price for his "mess". Why should I? Was he worth it?

"Let us play a game, Gaisgeil?" His eyes were on me and I saw the bad premonition in them. He knew, I was toying with him. "I'll forgive you, become your wife. In a few months...this woman will bear your child?" I watched him questioning, as he nodded his head. "In four months", he replied calmly. 

"What, if it is a boy?", I shot at him accusingly. Instantly he stiffened and he took his hands back, his gaze lost. "What than?", I pushed. He stayed silent. Suddenly he stood up and paced around. Abruptly he stopped and turned to me. "Couldn't you find it in your heart, to overcome the obstacles and learn to love my child?", he asked in a helpless but also hopeful way. For seconds I was paralyzed.  Could I? I stood up, walking a few steps, hardening my soul. "Could you, Gaisgeil? Could you accept a child I had with another man, while I am bonded to you?", I asked in a cold but calm voice. Gaisgeil paled.