Final Fantasy Oneshots and Drabbles

Even MORE Chaotic Travels: Dissidia NT

(Request from bbaj739 ! Thanks again!)

The Emperor was going to kill Spiritus.

How dare he make the warriors go on some..."friendship bonding experience"? How dare he force them into cramped, disgusting vehicles? How DARE he make the Emperor share a room in said disgusting vehicle with a lesser royal?

It was preposterous! Utterly prepos-

"Yo, Mateus! Get out of my seat!"

The Emperor looked up from the book he was attempting to use to distract himself and saw Jecht staring at him, with his arms crossed. I would smite you for not using my full title but this vehicle is so utterly tiny I'd end myself as well. "This is not 'your seat.' We are all stuck in here together." He replied annoyedly, going back to his book.

Jecht glanced at the Emperor, before looking behind him. "Will you leave my seat if I tell ya that Kam'lanaut is stealing your clothes?" He asked, pointing behind him.

"That is your best lie to make me leave?" The Emperor rolled his eyes, and looked behind him...and Kam'lanaut was just SAUNTERING out of their shared room. With clothes that were definitely above his station.

The Emperor blinked, and then immediately summoned his staff. "I believe those belong to me." He growled, stalking up to the other, considerably smaller royal. Jecht immediately slid into his seat, getting ready to watch the fireworks.

Kam'lanaut rolled his eyes and huffed, not dropping the Emperor's clothes. "Of course they are not. These are mine." He lied, which made the Emperor want to stick his staff through the bratty prince's face. "They are mine." He snapped back, before pointing his staff at the Zilart's armor. "I know they are mine because judging by that armor, you have the fashion sense of a dying mule choking on the dust of a superior animal."

Jecht whistled, as Kam'lanaut began stammering for a response. He did drop the clothes, which the Emperor immediately grabbed. "Ridiculous." He grumbled, storming back to his chamber. "Utterly ridiculous." He glanced at the other room. "I wonder if the other prince would be willing to change-."

Almost as if on cue, the RV screeched to a stop, nearly causing the Emperor to fall over. He spat something and stood back up, noticing that the "other prince", Zenos Yae Galvus, was out of his room, glaring at the front of the RV as well. "Do you know why we are stopped?" The Emperor asked, crossing his arms.

Zenos shook his head. "I do not. In fact, I was asleep." He shoots the Emperor a pointed glare. "Keep your fashion spars to yourself. You're loud." The door is then slammed in the Emperor's face before he can even protest.

Instead, he stormed to the front of the car, passing Jecht and the still stammering Kam'lanaut, and flung the door open. "Why are we stopped?" He barked, glaring at the two warriors in the front.

Kefka cut Garland off before the armored man can speak. "Garly here doesn't UNDERSTAND the OBVIOUS concept of driving. It's ridiculous!" The Emperor watched Garland whip around in the driver's seat. "Kefka, you blew out the tires by attempting to wrench the wheel! From me! The great Garland!"

The Emperor notices the clown visibly scoff and decided to politely back away from the two warriors. I'd rather Kefka not scuff my armor with his wayward magic. He thought, entering back into the main room.

Jecht was still sitting in there, alongside a very pissed Zenos holding a doll of the Warrior of Light from his world under his arm. Kam'lanaut was auspiciously absent but the Emperor could care less about him at the moment.

"Do not hold your breath to continue moving. The clown blew out the rubber tires." The Emperor snapped, sitting down angrily across from the other two. "Where is the ratty Zilart?" Jecht shrugged but a yell from the drives's cabin cut off what he was going to say.

"How dare you think this is funny, Ultimecia? We are STRANDED!" The Emperor rolled his eyes as Garland continued screaming. "I DEMAND you drive over here and help us-DO NOT HANG UP!"

"What a shocker." Kefka sounded bored, which usually meant someone was going to die. "At least we can hear something of interest." Zenos grumbled, crossing his arms. "Though, where
is Kam'lanaut?"

Before Jecht could respond, another yell from Garland cut them off. "Someone is FIXING your RV? Can they not come here?"

There was a pause. "What do you MEAN daemons cannot go into the sun?" The Emperor rolled his eyes. "Where is the Zilart, Jecht?"

Jecht took a big swig of his drink. "I think he's goin through your clothes again." The Emperor leapt up in anger, storming off. "KAM'LANAUT!" He screamed.

The other two warriors watched him go. "Did you not tell Kam'lanaut you would pay him if he got rid of Mateus?" Zenos asked, toying with his doll.

Jecht nodded, and took another swig. "Yep. Gotta get that gil together. He did good."

***

"You sent your warriors away in RVs?" Materia asked, sipping her tea. "Was that a good bonding experience?"

Spiritus glanced at the screen, watching his warriors bicker, fight, and scream at each other.

"You tell me, Materia."

******
Just gonna pretend I had a plan for this.

Ultimecia and Cloud of Darkness got a whole RV to themselves, because Ultimecia was not going to room with the "slimy gross boys" and Cloud of Darkness just came along for the ride.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, Circle! Got
to write some new characters, which was an experience. Kam'lanaut can go eat bricks. (His brother is bad as well, like Eald'narche lowkey scares me.) And like I said, I'm pretty sure I mischaracterized Kefka lol.

Vote, comment, etc. Have a good day/night everyone!