Final Fantasy Oneshots and Drabbles

Three Still Can't Form A Good Plan: Dirge of Cerberus x Reader

(TW: Some mentions of heavy violence)

"Has anyone seen Weiss as of late?" Azul barked, stalking over to the other two Tsviets, both of who were sitting idly. Rosso scoffed in response, brushing hair out of her face. "Of course we haven't!" She retorted, jumping up. "And I'll tell you why. That stupid Turk is making him soft!"

Shelke glanced at Azul, back at Rosso, and sighed aloud. "There is now a 100% probability of her ranting. Excellent move, Azul." She whispered to the blue Tsviet, who grumbled something. Rosso ignored them and continued. "They're almost always in the throne room when I'm in there! Weiss doesn't even give me the damn time of day!" She slammed her hands down on the table. "I'm SICK of it! Do you hear me?"

"We do, in fact, hear you, Rosso." Shelke replied. Rosso spat at her and sat back down, crossing her arms, as the girl continued. "What do you suppose we do about the Turk? There is a high chance Weiss would slaughter us all if we ended their life."

Silence.

"Why not ask Nero? It's his brother, after all." Azul offered, only for Shelke to shake her head. "Nero is in stasis right now due to mako loss. We should not disturb him." Rosso scoffed again. "Like that matters." She muttered, causing Shelke to swivel her head toward her.

"Nero reported no annoyances should disturb him." The girl responded calmly. "Those annoyances included fights, petty arguments, and Rosso the Crimson."

Silence again.

"Disdainful little shadow. Remind me to stab him when he wakes up." Rosso hissed under her breath, before raising her voice. "If staining the walls red with their blood is off the table, I'm out of ideas." She grumbled, before Shelke cleared her throat. "If we cannot kill, perhaps we can make them leave." She offered, causing the other two Tsviets to turn around. "How so?" Rosso snapped, crossing her arms.

Shelke merely stood up, padded over to the door to the throne room and waved Rosso and Azul over. "Listen." She whispered, pointing to the faint beam of light from inside.

The two other Tsviets glanced at each other, and knelt down by the door, Rosso scrunching her nose up at the sight inside. Shelke tilted her head.

"Then a plan will be formulated."

***

"Tell me, Turk." Weiss muttered in your ear, as he ran a rough hand through your hair. You were sitting on his lap, the fabric on his pants uncomfortable on the skin of your arm. "What is it like above this blasted company? Has anything changed as of late?"

You didn't respond initially, and instead shifted awkwardly on his thigh, causing Weiss to grumble and tighten his arm around your waist. "Answer the question." You tilted your head and shrugged. "The first class SOLDIERS have vanished. That's about it." You admitted, hoping that was a solid answer. Weiss just buried his face in your hair as a reply.

It had been a few months since Nero had vanished, and while he had since returned, Weiss had become even more clingy to you. He had barely let you leave Deepground's underground floors and always wanted you near him. The other Tsviets hated you for it, which Weiss barely noticed.

"Weiss?" You asked, your voice sounding squeaky. He just mumbled something in response and you took that as a chance to speak. "Could the other Tsviets kill me if they had the chance?"

The man paused. "I'd happily slaughter them if they even attempted to lay a finger on you." He muttered coldly. "Don't worry about it." That was definitely enough of a response for you, and you hushed up.

***

Rosso ripped herself away from the door and let out some muffled, angered screech. "I can't DEAL with this anymore!" She snapped, slamming her foot on the ground like some petulant toddler. "The way he treats that stupid Turk is RIDICULOUS! Utterly RIDICULOUS!"

She turned on her heel before Shelke and Azul could even react. "Forget annoyances! I'm waking Nero up RIGHT NOW, and he'd better banish that...WENCH to some shadow realm, or I'm going to scream like a BANSHEE until he DOES!" The woman vanished down the corridor, still ranting.

Azul glanced at Shelke, who was silently analyzing. "Does Rosso have a thing for Weiss?" He asked dumbly. Shelke didn't even blink. "There's a high probability."

Rosso returned a few moments later, still ranting, and quite literally dragging Nero by the metal wing. The dark Tsviet looked irate enough to slaughter an entire village. "There had better be a good explanation for why I'm awake." He hissed. "Or I will gladly end all of you."

Shelke stopped Rosso before the woman launched into another rant. "We need to get rid of the Turk." She restated. "They are stinting the growth of Deepground, and stealing the attention of your brother." The shadowy man scoffed, but didn't get up off the floor. "I had no need to be conscious to know that." He grumbled, fluttering a wing. "What do you want from me then?"

The transparent Tsviet paused herself, before replying, once again cutting off Rosso's rant. "Help us get the Turk as far away from Deepground as possible. That is all." She brought up her plan. "All we need to do is drop them here, a small, faraway town in Mideel."

Rosso finally got her chance to butt in. "Oh, and what do we tell Weiss? If death is even mentioned, one of us, except Nero, is going to end up some sort of blood eagle. And I'm NOT ending up a blood eagle." She snapped, tapping her foot.

"I have a fake note, forged in the Turk's handwriting." Shelke replied, pulling out a piece of paper. "We will give this to Weiss. Yes, I thought of everything. I am the intelligent one."

Nero glared at Shelke but said nothing about her last line, standing up. "Fine." He hissed. Rosso scoffed but she nodded.

***

You coughed, feeling woozy. "I feel...crushing darkness?"

Upon looking around, you weren't in your home in Midgar, nor in the underground facility. You were in a small inn room, in a place you hadn't visited, only heard about from your fellow Turks.

"How did I end up in MIDEEL?"

***
Shelke had thought of everything in their plan, except Weiss's reaction. It was the first time since Nero's return he had become visibly distraught.

"I suppose it's not a surprise they left." Rosso offered, crossing her arms. "You can't trust dirty Turks, either way."

Weiss drew his swords on her. "You three, OUT!" He snarled at Rosso, Shelke, and Azul. The trio glanced at each other, and slowly began to back out of the room.

Nero glared at Shelke again before she left.

"You certainly didn't think of everything, did you, rat?"

******
Rosso has the same character as Chloé Bourgeois. New headcanon.

Anyway, look, it's Platinum, your not wanted but still acquired source for Deepground content. Which isn't surprising, Dirge of Cerberus is not the best game. Thankfully Intergrade at least brought two of these color-coded nutjobs to the spotlight. Or one, honestly. Weiss appeared for about five whole minutes.

I got this idea for this Vayne oneshot involving sky bandits and ransoms, so yeah. Might write that next idk.

Also don't google blood eagle. It's gross.

Vote, comment, etc. Have a good day/night everyone!