Hell Is Better With 𝒀𝒐𝒖 - Sequel to Welcome To Hell

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 3.5 - 𝑼𝒏𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏

Another day. Every morning was another reminder I had survived the night, and faced yet another day. I never necessarily hurt myself, or sabotaged my chances of making it through the night, but I begged and pleaded with the universe each night and hoped for the best.

Today was no different.

I awoke to the sun shining on my face, my blankets kicked from my bed from all the tossing and turning I had done in the night. The sun felt like how honey feels on the tongue, smooth and welcoming. I knew it was much to late to be morning, no doubt missing my first class of the day. I couldn't decide if I was glad for that or not.

It took me a few moments to find the will to move, to find the will to start my day, the will to survive. I sat up, my creeking bed protesting under my weight. My body felt like a thousand bags of sand, even just sitting up felt like I should flop back to the comforts and safety of my bed.

I got out of my bed, pushing myself to find an outfit to wear for the day, before heading to my bedroom door. I put my ear to the door to listen closely, if anyone was home.

Silence.

I slowly twisted the knob to the door, finding my way out into the hall in just my underwear, fresh clothes in hand. I hurried to the bathroom two doors down, and started my shower.

I waited until the water steamed over the cheap plastic curtains, staring at myself in the mirror. My chestnut hair was a tangled mess atop my bed, my pale skin almost screaming for a good wash. Evidence of black ink from drawing the bridge scene the last afternoon was smudged on one cheek, while the other left evidence that someone had put there hands on me. A small bruise lined the bottom of my eye, along my cheekbone. The sight of it alone made me tear up. How dare she.

I turned from the mirror, sick of looking at myself. I was utterly disgusted. Biting my tongue to keep from crying this early in the day, I pulled back the curtain and stepped in. I let the burning hot water surround me.

"You're going to come to the party, right, Jaehyun?" Chris' lighthearted voice broke me from my deep thoughts and focus on my art.

I stuttered, looking up from my art to see three faces starting back at me, "W-What? What party?" The three smiled in anticipation, waiting for a response.

"There's a party being held by some girl in another art class. I figured it would be worth inviting you." He smiled, his wide eyes expecting a response in his favor.

It was nice, an invitation to a party. I didn't get invited to plans even when I did have a few friends in high school. But I didn't think I was in the right headspace for a party.

"C'mon, man! It's gonna be a dream! Maybe even make some new friends or pick up a girl.." He seemed genuinely interested in the party, like he really wanted me to attend. For a moment, just a spark of a moment, I felt wanted somewhere. Even if it was just an acquaintance inviting me to go to a party.

"I-I don't know.. I've been busy recently-" I wanted to lie, but didn't get the chance to.

"At least think about it." He paused laying a scrap piece of paper on my workspace, shuffling some of the pencils out of the way, "This is the address, it's tonight. Just think about it. We'll all be there."

And think about it, I did. As soon as class was dismissed for the day, I walked through the crowded corridors like I did everyday, still stuck in my own mind as I always was, just now thinking about something much different.

Maybe it would be a good thing, to get away from the house just for one night, to let lose and drown myself in alcohol. I wouldn't even have to think about my real life there. One night wouldn't harm anyone.

The anxiety of having an upcoming party had my heart thumping out of my chest, the most diverse emotion I had had in days. Thank goodness for it, as it had reminded me I was alive.

It was on my walk to the nearby river that I decided to go, just maybe it would be a good idea. I sat at the same bench I had the day prior, pulling out the same sketches I had begun. Today I worked on the water, again today there was no boats in the water, just small animals here and there. It was relaxing, I let myself fall into the work, not a single thought about my own life.

People walked by every so often, but I never did raise my head to look at them, continuing my work. It was yet again another beautiful day outside, clouds slowly flooding into the empty blue canvas of a sky. It was picturesque, but I didn't belong.

I wondered if somewhere, in a different universe I did belong. Maybe I could've been at the forefront of  someone else's world, or had a group of friends who treasured me. Honestly, I'd be happy with just loving parents.

Did my mother truly mean the words she had spoken to me the day before? Over art? When did it come to this? This constant battle of my parents' aggression towards me, and my want to please them just to receive love? Would it be just to change myself to please them, but destroy myself? Would I then be worthy of my parents' love?

I knew the answers to all the questions my mind had.  I knew it wasn't about the art at the end of the day. It was about the lack of love. It was about my parents being unaccepting of anything they deemed as correct. It was unfair.

When my pen ran dry, I called it an evening. It was earlier than I normally head home. It was sunset, the sky putting on a show for those willing to watch. I normally was too deep in my artwork to look up to the sky, today I was more than willing to watch her put on her show.

When I made it home, neither of my parents were there. The house was dark, all the lights off. I could breathe easier than when they were home, but being anywhere need this house made it harder to breathe easy. Just stepping in the threshold made my chest tighten.

It had already been decided that I would head to this party, so I changed out of my messy clothes that were littered with evidence of different art mediums. I chose to wear a simple outfit. It was an exciting evening for me, but at the end of the night, I was going to forget my own life for the time being, not make friends. I let myself relax on my bed afterwards, until the time hit 8pm. I knew the party would be starting at 9, so I took the time to Google the address and see how long it would take to walk. I chose the most picturesque route which I could comfortably stroll. I left soon after, not wanting to risk being home when my parents did arrive.

The air outside was cooler than during the day now that the sun had set. It was cold on my nose and ears, but welcomed nonetheless. With my hands buried in my black jean pockets, I walked down the empty sidewalks, my mind absent from the present day as normal.

I was nervous for the party, nervous about seeing Chris and all the others from my art classes. Would I be accepted there, or seen as the weird one out? It would be amazing for them to take a liking to me, but realistically, I couldn't believe those thoughts. Who would want to spend time with me?

These thoughts replayed in my head like a mantra, until I came face to face with the party in question. Music blasted loud enough to be heard blocks away, with familiar students all over the outside, some singing along with drinks in hand, others clearly worked up and needing a breath of fresh air. I knew I'd be one of them, soon. Bright lights poured out of the curtains and blinds that were poorly hiding the evidence of a party going on inside.

I took my last breath of fresh air before willing myself to step forward and head into the unknown.