My Yellow

Part 59 - Theo

I'm completely frozen in place, watching Rose move back until she smacks into the head board. I feel helpless, I don't know what to do. I back up and grab my phone, my hands shaking. I don't want to leave her alone, so I'll do the next best thing. I dial Makayla's number, hearing it ring twice, then she answers groggily. "What?" Her voice is raspy.

"I need your help, Rose is... I think she.." I feel my chest tighten looking at Rose. She's not moving. "I think she passed out, she started to have like.."

"Hold on," Makayla interrupts, suddenly sounding awake and alert. The phone clicks. I toss my phone down to the floor realizing she hung up and hastily walk to Rose. She's definitely passed out. I panic a little and grab her wrist.

"She's alive," I breathe and exhale a long breath. I know she Isn't dead, but she's so still. I hear the door squeak open, then see Makayla walk in. Shes wrapped in a blanket.

"Here," Makayla waves her hand. "Move," I place Rose's hand on her stomach and move back. Makayla walks to Rose and gently shakes her. Rose gasps and sits up straight. "It's me Rose," Makayla says gently. "Come on hun, let's go to my room," Makayla moves hair from Roses face and gives her a gentle smile. Rose is silent, she won't look over to me. She stands from the bed, makayla stands by her. I watch as they both leave, Makayla shutting the door behind them. I take in a deep breath and rub my hands in my hair.

"I'm such an idiot," I whisper and sit down on the floor. "Why didn't I ask first?" I grip my hair and kick my feet out. "I couldn't even help her," I mutter. I feel like throwing up. I lean back, until I'm laying on the floor.

"Knock knock," Keehos voice rings from the door. "I heard some commotion, everything alright- why are you on the floor?"

"I'm useless," I say bluntly, throwing my hands in the air.

"Why do you say that?" Keeho laughs. I turn my head and watch him walk over to me.

"Well something happened with Rose and I couldn't.. help her," I shut my eyes and drop my hands. "The one thing I wanted to do, I couldn't even do it."

"What happened with Rose? Was it bad?" Keeho sounds panicked.

"No.. well yes," I sit up onto my elbows. "I... well we," I tilt my head back. "Something happened and she had a panic attack? I think? She thought I was John and started to freak out and I just kinda stood there. I couldn't do anything."

"Oh wow," Keeho sits down and crosses his legs. "Well stop throwing yourself a pity party, this isn't about what you couldn't do. It's about what happened with Rose."

"Well yeah but-"

"No buts," Keeho smacks my arm, making me fall on my back. "You realized you couldn't help her. So try and figure out how you can. So the next time this happens, cause I'm sure there will be a next time, you can help her. Stop thinking about yourself."

"I'm not trying to," I mutter and sit up. "How do I even figure that out?"

"Google idiot," He raises his eyebrows. "Look up how to help someone, take notes, make a list. Where is Rose?"

"Shes with Makayla," I bite the inside of my cheek.

"Well that's good. You can also get tips from Makayla," Keeho tilts his head. "Are you dense?"

"Screw off man," I stand up and brush off my pants, even though there's nothing on them. "I just didn't think of that. I was caught up in what just happened."

"Well," He stands and puts his hands in his pockets. "You're dating someone with trauma. You need to know how to handle when this happens."

"Right," I rock on my heels. "You're right."

"You didn't think this was going to be a walk in the park did you?"

"No I didn't, but I guess I also didn't think about this happening. I should have, but I didn't."

"Right well," Keeho shrugs. "Now you know it'll happen. So get your sorry ass on the computer and learn how to help her."

"Okay," I whisper and cross my arms.

"Okay," Keeho nods and yawns. "I'm going to Rose, do your research."

"I will," I shut my eyes and take a breath.

"Also camping is in like two days, so get your research done by then," I hear shuffling, then the door open and shut. I open my eyes and turn to my computer on my desk. I walk over to my desk chair and pull it out. I sit down and open my computer. I type in my password and stare at the bright screen.

"I know it won't be a walk in the park," I mumble to myself and open Google. I reach into my desk drawer and get out a pad and a pencil. I lean back and rub my face. I sit up and grab the pencil. I twirl it in between my fingers and then set it down. I start to type in different things in the search engine, not sure how to word it. 'How to help someone with PTSD' is what I end up typing. More than a thousand results. I open the first link and start reading. " 'With the right support from you and other family and friends, though, your loved one's nervous system can become "unstuck."' Okay well that is good at least," I scroll down and keep reading, eyes bouncing on the words. I grab my pencil and start to write down the tips the article is giving me. I pull my computer closer and skim through. I exit that article and open a new one. I start writing tips from that one. My eyelids feel heavy, but I blink the feeling away and continue to read.