My Yellow

Part 22 - Two

TW: Suicide, Blood, self harm.

Rose's POV:

I take a deep breath. My eyes reading over the Prozac label on the bottle in my hands. I shift my weight from foot to foot. I walk to my desk and get out a pen and paper. I start to write.
Dear Maddy and Keeho.
I'm sorry. This is the best way for all the issues that I've caused to go. If I go, John goes too. I don't want him around you guys, and if I stay so does he. This isn't your fault. I promise. If you ever miss me, look up to the stars. I promise I'm there. I'll always be here.
I skip a few lines and hover. I write down his name.
Dear Theo.
I know you didn't like me much and I really don't blame you. But you thank you for everything. You truly are a kind hearted person even if you don't want to show it.
I set down my pen and fold up the paper. I lay it neatly on my desk and stand up. This is the only way to make sure John stays away for good. I shut my eyes. But it has to work. I grab the bottle of pills and go into the bathroom. I open the trashcan and grab out the blade. I stare at myself in the mirror.

Flashback

"You have my eyes," my dad once said to me, while we were fishing.

"I thought I had moms eyes," I laughed and swung my feet back and forth as they dangled off of the pier.

"You definitely have mine," he laughed a bit and nudged me with his arm. "You are a spitting image of your pops!"

"Pops? That makes you sound old!" I giggled and looked out at the ocean.

"I am old," he laughed. "Wanna know something?"

"Mhm!" I nodded.

"I love you so much, Munchkin," he smiled at me. I remembered how his eyes crinkled when he smiled 

"I love you too daddy," I smiled and looked back at the ocean.

End of flashback

I feel the tears forming in the sides of my eyes. I take my hand and hit the mirror, I watch the glass shatter. My hand is bleeding. I fall to the floor and sob. I look at the ceiling above my bed and see the stars. I look at the star with the writing I love you, munchkin written on it and cry harder. I grip the pill bottle and catch my breath.

Flash back

"But why?" I asked my mom, sitting on the couch when I was 17 years old. She grips the paper in her hands.

"I don't know, I'm so sorry," she went to hug me and I pushed her away. I stared blankly ahead of me and tried my hardest not to cry. Why was it hurting so much? He left me when I was seven. I shouldn't be crying over his passing.

"I won't get to say goodbye will I?" I asked her, not meeting her eyes.

"No." She whispered. "I'm sorry," she repeated.

"Why are you sorry?" I felt myself getting angry. "It's not like you killed my dad. Or made him leave. He did it all on his own." I remember standing, and grabbing my car keys. I walked out. The air was warm. I found out he died on April 24th, 12 days after his original passing. I walked to my car and got in. I started it, and backed out of my driveway. I started to drive. I went to an empty parking lot and got out. I screamed. I remember just screaming until my throat got sore. I remember falling on my knees, crying harder than I ever have. I remember my sister trying to call me but I ignored it.

"How dare you!" I remember screaming. "How dare you be such a pussy you leave twice!" I cried harder. My body was aching. My mind was racing. I remember looking up to the night sky and seeing a star brighter than the rest.

End of flashback

I look back at the stars on my ceiling. "I hope to see you again dad," I whisper. I open the pill bottle and open my mouth. I let the pills fall in, and I swallow. I throw the empty bottle away from me.

(TW BLOOD AND SELF HARM)

I take the blade in my hand and hold it to my wrist. I lean my head back and move my hand up, feeling the cold blood run down my arm.

Theo's POV:

When you find out, just know you didn't win. Her words are ringing in my head. I pause. Realizing. I get up. "Keeho watch him!" I yell. I run inside. I run to her room. I try to open the door. It's locked. I look around frantically. I back up, then run full force at the door with my shoulder. It doesn't budge. I back up and do it again. Still nothing. I shake out my arms, and do it one last time. The door flies open. I look around her room, and walk in. I see the bathroom light on. I run to the bathroom and see her on the floor. Blood. So much blood. I scramble for a towel and wrap her arm where I think the source is coming from. I grab her, and hold her up. "Rose," I yell. "ROSE!" I look at her arm, her blood is now covering me. I see the flashing lights of the police. "Hold on Rose!" I stand up and run out. I run outside and to the not even at a full stop police car. They stare at me. "Please get an ambulance she isn't moving," I plead. My eyes land on Soojin. She gets out and her eyes go wide. "Please," I whisper. She gets on her radio. I turn and ran back inside. I can hear Keeho calling me. I run back into her room and apply pressure to her arm. Her lips are going blue, her face is pale. "Rose," I feel my heart racing. "Rose please stay with me. You'll be okay," I hold her arm tighter, I hear a jingle of keys and I see Soojin and another officer run in. I stare at them, my eyes filling with tears. Soojin runs to us and bends down, feeling for a pulse.

"She has no pulse, hurry with the ambulance!" She says on her radio. I stare at Rose. Everything was slow. Her lips are now blue. I hold her arm tighter.