My Yellow

Part 18 - Rose

I let the paper towel soaked with milk sit on my eyes as I try to catch my breath. I cough, my lungs burning. I feel someone rubbing my back. I feel someone patting my knee. I take in a deep painful breath and take the paper towel off of my eyes. I open them, everything was blurry. I sniffle, looking at Keeho by my side. "Is it bad?" I ask weakly.

"Your eyes are a bit swollen," he whispers, I realize now he's the one patting my knee. "But you'll be okay."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Maddy whispers, I feel her hand go off of my back. I turn my head and look at her. I can't make out the expressions on her face.

"I didn't want you to get dragged into this," I say and cough, my hand going to my chest. "I can handle it on my own."

"Clearly not," Maddy says, her voice raising. I shut my eyes, the burning sensation coming back. I stand, but almost fall back to the floor. I feel an elbow in the mid of my back.

"You need to be careful Rose," I hear Theo say from behind me. His tone was cold. "Do you need more water on your eyes?"

"Yes," I whisper and feel for the sink. Keeho wraps his arm around my waist and guides me. I feel cold water going back on my face. I understand why Maddy is upset, But I didn't want him to go after her.

"You should've told me," Maddy says from the floor. "I would've helped you."

"No," I say, water going in my mouth. I cough and shut my mouth. Keeho stops the water and I lean my head up. "This is my battle not yours."

"I'm your best friend!" Maddy shouts, standing.

"I know!" I shout back. "I thought... I thought I could handle this! I need to stop being scared of him!"

"You're being a dumbass!" Maddy shouts. "You..." I open my eyes, my vision is no longer blurry. The anger in her face falls. "I'm just glad you're okay." She says quietly. I reach for a paper towel and lay it on my eyes. I take small breaths. I hear her sigh. "But why?? Why did-"

"I don't know!" I scream, my lungs burning. She goes silent. Everyone is silent. Keeho whistles. "I don't fucking know Maddy! Maybe because I thought he would give up or something! I didn't think he would show up here and try to fucking hurt me!" I know my voice is loud, but I don't care. I don't care anymore. "Okay? So you can keep asking me why I didn't tell you or whatever and I won't have an answer! I just didn't." I take the paper towel off of my eyes. Maddy is just staring at me. Something in her face breaks. "Can't you just for once ask me if I'm okay or something? Yanno this whole time you were just questioning me!"

"Are you okay?" She whispers. I've never gotten this mad before.

"No! No I'm not!" I stomp my foot. My eyes trail over to Theo, who was also staring at me. "As for you!" I clench my jaw. "I don't understand why you hate me so fucking much! Huh? What did I ever do to you!"

"Rose.." Keeho whispers.

"No!" I turn to him. "I'm so sick.. I'm so sick and tired of this!" I turn back to Maddy. "If I would've told you, what would you have done?" I whisper, anger lacing my tone.

"I... I don't..." Maddy looks away from me. "I don't know."

"Exactly," I whisper. My heart is pounding. "You would've freaked out about it and made it worse!" I watch her sniffle. I know I'm being an asshole. I don't care anymore. "So I'm sorry Maddy, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, forgive me," I mock a bow, sarcasm dripping from my words. "You're not the one who nearly got raped just now. Nor the one with pepper spray in your fucking eyes." I whisper. I clench the paper towel in my hand. "So instead of being all upset about me not telling you, why don't you be a caring friend." I walk past her, I walk past Theo. I head to my room. My head is pounding.

"Rose.." I hear Maddy call. "Rose come back!" I walk into my room and open the door, then slam and lock it. I walk to the mirror and look at my swollen red eyes. I throw the paper towel on the ground and walk to my phone. I pick it up, right when I do, John starts calling. I answer. I feel possessed.

"You li-"

"You don't have the balls." I hiss. "You don't have the fucking balls John. If I see you again I promise it won't be pepper spray, it'll be a knife to your fucking eye." I hang up and lean back on my bed. I feel my phone buzzing. I answer it. "What John? Would you rather me gut you-"

"Rose," Maddy says. I pause. I stare at the stars on my ceiling.

"Sorry I thought it was John," I whisper.

"Did you just threaten to gut him?" She stifles a laugh. "What the fuck"

"Did it sound scary though?" I laugh a bit, feeling my nerves calm down.

"Yeah it did, now open your door, Keeho and I have milk on standby in case you need it. You aren't sleeping alone tonight." She hangs up. I look to the door, I don't want to answer it. But I know if I don't they won't leave me alone. I stand up and go to the door opening it. Keeho and Maddy stand there. I move out of the way so they can come in. Keeho goes straight to my bed, but Maddy stands in front of me. "I was being selfish," she says quietly. "I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have blown up on you like that," I say. "You don't need to be sorry. You had a right to be upset with me."

"You had a right to be upset with me too," Maddy looks at me. I give her a weak smile. "Hug?"

"Hug," I say gently and we wrap our arms around each other.

"That's kinda gay!" Keeho calls.

"You're gay!" I call back.

"Um," he huffs. "Anyways, now that the girls are done fighting, wanna watch a movie?"

"Yes," Maddy and I say at the same time. I pull back from the hug, and pat her shoulder.

"Y'all are creepy," Keeho laughs. I roll my very sore eyes and walk over to the bed, I sit down and grab my phone. No new calls. No new messages. I open my phone and go to tinder. I bite the inside of my cheek. I ex out of the app and delete it. I toss my phone behind me and budge Keeho to move over. He does, and Maddy sits down by me. I stare at the TV as Keeho searches for movies. I hear them talking, but my brain isn't processing. I glance over to my still unpacked bags, my eyes landing on my pills. I haven't taken them in awhile. I look back to the TV, suddenly feeling the weight of everything that has happened all at once. I shift in my current position and take a deep breath.