My Yellow

Part 24 - Rose

"It's not your time," My dad holds my hand. I stare at him.

"But I want it to be," I whisper. "I'm so sick and tired of everything. I'm tired of being here," I move my hand away from him.

"People will miss you," he hums. "Your friends will."

"Oh like how people missed you? When you left? When you left both times." I look around the white room we are sitting in.

"You know I'm sorry," he whispers. "That was the only way for me to leave the demons in my head."

"But it wasn't!" I scream, my voice doesn't echo in the empty room. I hold my head. "It wasn't. You could've gotten better for me, or for your 5 other kids. But you chose drugs over us." I whisper.

"I made very bad decisions in my life. You didn't need me. You became so strong on your own." My dad rubs my back.

"I didn't need to be strong!" I scream. "I was 7 dad! I didn't need to be strong I needed my dad. But you left," I stare at him. "And you let the life you chose kill you. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Do you know how much that eats at me? How much I lay awake knowing I didn't get to say goodbye to you? Knowing I couldn't help you."

"I didn't want help munchkin," he says gently. "I know now how much I should've gotten help. But at the time I didn't want it. And if I didn't want it, there was no way to save me."

"You could've stopped him," I whispered, looking away. I feel a pain in my chest. "If you would've been a good dad maybe John wouldn't have done what he did."

"And that eats at me. I couldn't protect my baby girl from the evil of this world, but look how strong you are becoming. John will get what's coming, and you will rise from the pain he caused," my dad drops his hand from my back. "I wish I could've protected you. I wish I could still protect you, but I can only watch over you."

"That's not good enough. I want my dad. I want my dad back," I feel the tears dripping down my cheeks, and they are ice cold. "I want my dad back." I repeat.

"I'm always going to be here," he stands up. "I'll always be with you munchkin, no matter what." I look up to him. "As for you, it's not your time. You need to go back. You have so much more life to live."

"I can't," I look away from him. "I can't. I'm not strong enough."

"But you are," my dad takes my hand and helps me stand up. "You're so strong my little stingray," he puts his forehead to mine. "This isn't goodbye," he says gently. "I will see you again when you're ready,"

"But..." I open my eyes no longer feeling my dad there. I look around. I feel a pain in my chest.

"1.. 2...3... CLEAR!" A paramedic yells. I feel my chest jolt. A pain shooting through it. I hear a heart beat monitor start to go.

"We have a pulse!" Someone shouts. I can't open my eyes. I can only listen.

"Pump her stomach!" Someone else yells. My arm hurts, I feel a pressure on my stomach. I feel someone turn my head, and then I feel me throw up all the pills.