The Fifth Member (Little Mix/Perrie Edwards GxG)

Chapter 68

Beth's POV:

Have you ever experienced a kind of sensation, that makes you look at your life in a different perspective?

Where one special decision, changes everything?

It could be a minor one first, like choosing to quit your job and go into another section.

But then there are the extreme cases. Like taking your life.

It's kind of comical that I had to go this far, to realise how bad I was doing the entire time.

I only got used to it.

Incredible, how no one ever tried to get me professional help.

I didn't exactly google it, but I'm fairly certain it's not everyday that someone has the mess of the life that I have.

Did all of my close friends never view it as necessary? Were they just as delusional as me?

Would professional help even be any kind of useful? I genuinely don't believe it.

Sitting in my living room, with the five most important girls surrounding me, talking about my relationship with Perrie. I didn't have any kind of focus on them, but rather, I'm getting all of these flashbacks to the good old days.

"What do you think would they think of my actions if they were alive?" I asked absentmindedly, mostly talking to myself.

I believe Sam said something but I didn't really listen.

"Of course they'd be understanding, cause that's what they always were. They would come up with the perfect advice and perfect plan to build me back up. With a simple movement of Noah messing up my hair, Alison pinching my cheeks in an annoying way, Dad chasing all of us in an effort to tire us so we'd have no energy to bother each other anymore, and mom simply smiling while taking often times my side. On family gatherings, Beca and I messing up Chris's clothes because he always made an effort to look good. My little cousins not leaving me alone because they wanted me to play with them. Baby Gabriel, who always calmed down in my arms. Zack being the responsible person for us all when we went out and did stupid shit because he was one of the oldest. Caleb and I pulling pranks on all of them by messing up their drinks, spilling water on them or simply starting a war with throwing things at all of them. Aunt Rose who was around more than I can count. Praising my mother's cooking skills and often enough teasing my father about their childhood and youth. Grandma who always sneaked us money if she had some like she was some kind of drug dealer. Grandpa always talking about the same thing, football. Family gathering which went on till 3 am. Even all the kids stayed awake." I answered my own question.

After staying quiet I snorted and said, "Now imagine you have all that, and it gets taken away with no way of returning. Suddenly, right after one of the best days of your life. Hurts like a bitch doesn't it?"

All of them stayed quiet and the silence was suffocating me.

"Beth, you remember what we talked about in the car right?" Sam asked.

I didn't say anything.

Of course I remember Sam. It was two hours ago maybe.

And of course I agree in terms of it being better for her, but not for me.

I need her. But she doesn't need me. That isn't healthy, that's true.

I couldn't look at her anymore. I'm embarrassed as well as hurting.

Sam said Perrie didn't want to break up with me, but now Sam wants me and her to break up.

"Beth." Sam said slightly annoyed.

"What?" I asked.

"We need to talk about this." She said.

"What is there to talk about? You people don't listen to me do you? Yes the thought of Perrie breaking up with me was the push I needed to do it, but I wasn't far from doing it to begin with. Nothing of this has to do with the present. It's all about the past that I just can't fucking let go of. I dwell on it and make myself even more depressed. The past that shaped me." I said.

"Well I want you to have a happy life and you'll be the happiest with Perrie, but if you don't take a break right not it won't end up pretty. For none of you." Sam said.

Suddenly, my entire heart stopped when I heard a voice.

"Sam always has been right hasn't she?"

No. I'm hallucinating. I'm dreaming. That can't be. No.

Don't get hopeful Beth. Just don't.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten.

I didn't hear anyone talking but I didn't dare to open my eyes.

I can't handle the hallucination right now.

"How..." Sam trailed off her voice shaky.

No. This isn't real. It can't be.

"I guess I've got a lot of explaining to do." Said the same voice.

This can't be. No. Just no.

Finally the suspense was too much so I abruptly stood up and turned around.

Slowly opening my eyes was someone who I never thought I'd see again.

He smiled at me kind of unsure. He saw that my mental state wasn't good currently.

"Missed me?" He asked.

I couldn't speak. Tears started streaming down my face. Although I had a lot of questions, I walked faster over to him and he pulled me into an embrace.

I couldn't control my sobbing. It became louder and even more filled with pain.

All he did was rub my back slowly and hold me tightly.

I could hear Sam sobbing as well. Both of us were holding in so much.

I couldn't calm down. My heart was beating wildly and tears wouldn't stop streaming down.

I heard the girls comfort her. They must be confused.

Sam stood up as well after I let go of him and she hugged him as well.

"Where the fuck were you Noah?" I asked sobbing.

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A/N: Cliffhanger!