Physical Attraction | Sakusa Kiyoomi

44.5

"Kiyoomi."

Overwhelmed by the gentleness in her voice, I looked up at her. My heart stopped an instant as she gave me a heartbreaking smile with sad eyes.

I didn't know what to make of this reaction. A complete emotional chaos reigned inside me. However, she took that agony away by continuing to speak.

"I've had two whole months to think about us," she began. "You said some really hurtful things to me." Her words hit me harder than before. "At first I was so incredibly hurt and angry that I just took everything you said - like I said, nobody treats the person they care about like you treated me. But the more time passed, I review what ever this relationship was, more and more and was able to see everything from a more or less outside perspective. It wouldn't make any sense. Everything you've done so far - with me and for me. The way you've taken care of me. It wouldn't make sense if it had all been for a little sex." She paused, silently gazing at me as if she needed to sort out her thoughts.

"You were there for me when things happened with my grandpa. The whole night you were by my side. You ditched practice to take me to the beach because I wasn't feeling well. You watched me so closely that you knew I was freezing at the airport. You waited for me all night long when I drove from Tokyo to Osaka. You always approached me when you noticed that something was bothering me. You are constantly jealous and possessive."

Her eyes began to glisten, however, she immediately blinked away the tears while giving me a bitter smile.

"Kiyoomi, you having feelings for me is already perfectly clear to me."

Her words gave me hope, but the sad undertone and expression on her face held back the euphoria inside me.

I felt like suffocating under the freaking tension.

"But that's not the issue," she continued to speak.

I no longer understood anything. So, what was the problem if she knows how I feel about her?

"What is the problem?", I voiced my thoughts.

She bit her lower lip for a moment before taking a deep breath. "When I realized you had feelings for me, it didn't change anything at all."

"What? Why not?" I unconsciously pulled the collar of my shirt down, trying to control my breath.

Sighing, she glanced around the room briefly. "Let me ask you a counter question instead." Her green eyes looked soberly into mine. "Let's say I forgive you. We both have feelings for each other. Now what?"

Now what? I let the question run through my head and decided to answer honestly, because anything else had gotten me nowhere so far.

"I want it to be like it was before."

"And that's the problem," she immediately countered. "I don't want that."

As my heart sank, feeling more and more helpless. The situation more and more desperate.

"Kiyoomi," she sighed my name again which I couldn't even enjoy. "Is this your idea of a relationship? Do you even want a real relationship? Or is it enough for you to just keep sleeping me, nothing else? In any case, that's not how I envision a relationship."

Not able to say anything I let her continue talking.

"I want to go on dates," she confessed. "To be able to hold hands, talk about everything, and kiss without having sex right away. In a loving and romantic way. I don't want it to always end up sexually. I need someone who can tell me how he feels about me. Someone who makes me feel good, even outside of bed. When I had no romantic feelings for you, the physical was enough for me, but that isn't the case anymore. You're not even able to tell me what exactly you feel for me."