Physical Attraction | Sakusa Kiyoomi

45.

Chewing on the end of my pen, I went back to reading over my answers a second time. A disgusting habit I had not been able to break throughout my studies.

"Please finish your sentence and set your pens aside. This concludes the exam." 

Sighing, I put my pencil aside and leaned back, more relaxed. My last exam was over.

"Please remain seated until we have collected and counted through all the exams."

Patiently, I stayed in my seat until all the exams were collected and counted through as announced.  Afterwards we were allowed to leave the huge lecture hall where the exams had taken place.

Since we had been asked to enter the hall in alphabetical order of our last names, I sat relatively far forward and therefore did not have to wait long before I was finally allowed to walk out.

The attendant gave me the signal to leave, whereupon I packed my bag and stretched properly on my way out. My neck and back were killing me. Sitting and writing for hours had really taken it out of me! At least I was over it now.

As soon as the bottoms of my shoes touched the asphalt outside, a switch flipped in my head that I had been able to hold off for weeks.

What are the boys doing right now?

It was the fifth week in which I was already absent and actually the first time that I had lost a thought about the team. I had concentrated too much on my exams and had forbidden myself to think about Osaka even once. Since the thought of the team would have also reminded me of Kiyoomi and especially of his last words to me. For five weeks I had managed to banish him from my mind, but now that my last exam was written... It was as if a dam broke and all the thoughts that I had pushed back until then crashed into me in great waves. 

If only it were the thoughts alone. A mass of feelings burst into me along with it.

I really hadn't given myself time to think about it. Because whether it sounded mean or not, I no longer wanted to waste my time thinking about Kiyoomi.

His words... the fact that he kinda confessed his feelings - even if he still couldn't quite say it. It was killing me. It hurt. Because everything I said to him, I certainly meant it.  The thing with Kiyoomi and me... I had been thinking about us intensely for two months. I knew he had feelings for me. But sometimes feelings alone are not enough. For me, feelings alone are not enough. Was it selfish? Maybe. However, I had decided for myself that I didn't want that. I would not be happy like that.

It was getting louder and louder around me as more and more students came out of the hall and started comparing their tasks. One boy kept calling out to his friend, snapping me out of my thoughts. Everyone seemed pretty excited about having the last exam behind them. While I stood here almost wishing for another one just so I wouldn't have to keep thinking about the black-haired ace. I wanted to get him out of my head.

But that was easier said than done when I saw his dark beautiful eyes before me and his perfect face with his perfectly toned body where you could so easily trace the muscles of his entire upper body and the veins on his forearms. Man. Those damn attractive athletes!

But it wasn't just his looks that made me think of him. On the contrary, it was more the seriousness and sadness in his eyes and his words that had hit me right in the heart. But I had made my decision. Even before he had approached me. Kiyoomi was a case sui generis, and I didn't believe in the least that guys would change for a girl. If they did, it would only be until they reached their destination. After that they would fall back into their old pattern and one would feel stupid, stupid that you gave them a chance at all and wasted feelings as well as your time with this person.