The Distance Between Us

Track Fifty Three - A Song For Mama

Previously On...

Rahul finds out about Riddhima's truth. He comforts both Armaan and Riddhima.

Track 53 - A Song For Mama, Boyz II Men

Armaan was predictably very aloof for the next couple days. He didn't spend time with the others and steered completely clear of Riddhima, leaving the room the moment she entered, yet somehow making it seem like a coincidence. True to his word, Rahul had warned everyone away from pressuring Armaan in any way. Riddhima had been his most vocal supporter and insisted that Armaan would talk to her if he wanted to talk to her, and no one would make him feel obligated to do so.

That wasn't what she wanted. Riddhima never wanted Armaan to feel obligated or pressured into spending time with her, into being with her. She wanted him to be with her because he wanted to, not for any other reason. There had been too many obligations and favours in her past and she didn't want any of it.

So, she ordered her friends to stay away and hoped for things to get better, for Armaan to find it in himself the ability to forgive her yet again. She could see just how badly she'd hurt Armaan by hiding this from her and it made her ache. She remembered a similar look in his eyes when he'd found out that she'd gotten married. The hopeless desperation, the betrayal, the agony... all of it reminiscent of the worst phase of her life, and maybe Armaan's life too.

She'd done that to him. She'd hurt him so badly, yet again, despite not wanting to. She knew that the truth would hurt Armaan, especially after she'd essentially lied to him for weeks, but she didn't think that it would affect him so badly. Treacherously, it made her harbour hope that maybe Armaan still had feelings for her, that maybe he was still in love with her, even if a little bit, if he was reacting this way. She knew it was most probably not that, it was just Armaan taking her lies hard, but she couldn't help herself from wishing that were the case. She vowed to herself to never keep something from Armaan again after this, no matter what.

Honesty and communication were the key to any successful relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, and being hesitant to talk to each other had landed them in this mess countless times. It seemed as if she'd not learnt from her mistakes. Thankfully, Armaan had.

Armaan knew that Riddhima hadn't done what she'd done with malicious intent. He knew her. The years may have passed without them talking, but he didn't need to talk to Riddhima to know who she was. He knew that her twisted logic made sense to her. He knew she'd been afraid. But, he couldn't let it go. The entire situation hit too close to home.

For a second, Armaan felt as if he was still standing in the middle of the Sanjeevani Cafeteria, the words, "Meri shaadi Sid se hui hai. Siddhanth Modi mera pati hai. Main Riddhima Gupta se... Riddhima Modi bann chuki hoon," echoing in his head on loop. At least Riddhima had had the decency to not reveal such a huge truth to Armaan in front of the entire world after he'd made a fool of himself like she'd done the last time.

So, given the circumstances, Armaan couldn't help but hold a grudge. He wasn't feeling particularly magnanimous, especially not towards Riddhima... not after everything. It didn't matter that the reason she'd hidden this from him might have been how he'd react and he was reacting exactly the way she'd feared... Not now. Not when he was hurting so bad, not when he felt so betrayed. He didn't want to listen to her, to anybody. He didn't want any explanations or excuses or reasons. He had every right to be pissed at her for what she did, and he would remain so till he felt like he was in a place where could accept her apology truthfully.

It was good that she understood that. He really did appreciate her giving him the distance to work everything out himself and not crowd him with her apologies, especially because he had never done the same for her. Armaan was self aware enough to know that he'd repeatedly made the same mistakes with Riddhima, time and again, and had always done everything he could to get her to forgive him, but had not always tried to respect her space when he did so. Having lost so many people in his life already, at one point, losing Riddhima had been his greatest fear and he'd gone overboard in trying to avoid that from happening, not that it had mattered in the end, or that it was an excuse for what he did. He should have respected Riddhima's choices and let her process everything in her own time instead of crowding her till she forgave him.