The Distance Between Us

Track Six - The Reason

Riddhima spent the rest of the day in a daze. She couldn't believe that Armaan had moved on, or was trying to move on, or had a girlfriend or whoever she was. They'd been talking just a few minutes prior and the way Armaan spoke, it felt as though he was still harboring hope that maybe someday she would be with him. But, then, Tammy had come, all heartbroken and sobbing and Armaan had forgotten that she was even there. All his focus was centered on that one girl.

Riddhima hadn't ever seen Armaan that way with anyone else apart from, wellher. She was used to being the center of his attention and the receiver of his affections. Seeing him be so gentle and loving and caring and so Armaan with someone else hadn't sat all that well with her. He used to be this way with only her, just her, dammit. He hadn't been this way with Muskaan or Anjali or even Nikki. And he'd been best friends with Nikki for most of his life. So, yeah, Riddhima understood that this Tammy person was really important to him.

And sure, maybe he didn't love her yet - because let's face it, the way he was looking at her, he might as well be in love with her. Or maybe he hadn't realized it yet. He had always been a little slow at getting a hang of his feelings. Whatever the case maybe, it was apparent that Armaan was trying to move on. Honest to God, from the heart, move on from what had happened. And, so she would have to maintain her distance.

She wouldn't go near him, wouldn't confess her love for him, wouldn't apologize and wouldn't hope he would take her back because finally, she realized that he was what she needed in life. She only needed the feeling of knowing that she wouldn't ever have him back to know that. Riddhima had been in denial of her feelings for him for so long, it had become like second nature to her. She lied to him in the beginning when he confessed his love to her, she lied when they broke up and she lied when he left her after the accident. So, when he had come back to claim what was rightfully his, Riddhima had fallen into a pattern and lied through her teeth about not wanting him in her life.

Sure, she'd been somewhat honest with him in their last conversation in the locker room, but she'd lied even then. She'd asked for him to move on, to forget about her knowing that she couldn't bear to live in a world where Armaan Mallik showered all his neverending affections on someone else. But, still, she'd lied. For herself. Because, she wanted to take the easy route. Because she was too much of a coward to admit that she wanted him in her life and because she didn't have the courage to stand up for herself and their relationship.

Riddhima had been entirely too selfish when it came to Armaan, always taking and giving way too less in their entire relationship. Well, it was time that she woman up and do something for Armaan. Something that made Armaan happy, and not her.

So, she decided that she wouldn't tell Armaan about the annulment. She wouldn't tell him that her and Sid were no longer together. And she wouldn't tell him that she had spent the better part of the last six years searching for him desperately. She wouldn't tell him that she was no longer on talking terms with her father, not after she informed him that she wasn't spending her entire life with Sid like he'd planned for her.

Life for her had not been easy in the past six years. Living on her own for the first time in her life had been an eye opening experience. She'd found that she loved it. Even though she'd struggled a whole lot when she first moved out of Sid's house into her own, it was worth it. Sid had been the perfect gentleman, assuring Riddhima that she could stay with him as long as she liked, but it hadn't felt right. Not after everything that had happened. She owed it to herself and to Sid. They wouldn't be able to maintain a proper distance if she didn't move out. But, more than that, she owed it to Armaan. It had never felt right, sharing house, much less a life with someone who wasn't Armaan.