The Distance Between Us

Track Twenty Eight - Demons

Padma sat on her bed, lost in thought. She'd never even imagined that her past would come back to haunt her in such a cruel way, after so many years.

35 years. It had been 35 years since Karthik had left her, without a word, after finding out that she was pregnant with his baby. Had he ever wondered what had happened to them after he left them to fend for themselves in such a brutal way? Did he ever regret his decision? Did he ever try to find them again, to make amends? Or, did he carry on with life, never thinking about them again, never worrying if they were dead or alive?

It was true, that in the first few years after he'd left, Padma had harboured hope that he would see the error in his ways and come back. That he would accept Padma, and maybe even Riddhima. If he did so, she'd get her family back. Yes, Shashank and Smriti had adopted Riddhima, but Padma knew, if Karthik ever came back, the two of them would get their Riddhima back, too.

But, as the years passed them by, and no one heard hide or hair from Karthik, her hope diminished, till one day, there was none left. That was the day Padma really broke. The day she woke up one morning, and just knew that Karthik was never coming back for her, or for their daughter.

Padma had been strong when she found that note from Karthik, she'd been strong, when, with a heavy heart, she'd turned to Shashank and Smriti for help, she'd been strong when Smriti had agreed to the adoption, knowing how scared Padma was of the society. She'd even been strong the day she'd signed the adoption papers and Shashank and Smriti had taken her baby girl home, to raise her as their own.

But, that day, knowing he wasn't coming back, was the day that Padma Bansal was no longer strong enough to handle it all on her own.

For months after that, Padma spent her life in a daze, breathing but not living. Her life was consumed by her work and her loneliness, the only few moments of respite being those when she saw Riddhima at the hospital when she came to visit her father. It was only those few interactions that carried Padma on for so long, her only hope, her silver lining. Nothing else mattered.

And slowly, she learned to live with it. She learned to live with the darkness, the acute sense of being alone, of having no one. It was difficult, but she did it anyway, because she wanted to live. Not for herself, but for her daughter.

She'd made peace that this would be her life. But then, her daughter grew up. And, she found out the truth about her family. Then, Padma got married to Shashank, and her life changed. Completely. Suddenly, it was full of happiness - two daughters who adored her, a mother who loved her and a husband who cared about her so very much. She found a family, something Padma hadn't had in a long time.

In all the years, her family had made her forget the pain she'd gone through, the loneliness she'd lived in, the hopelessness she'd felt. The things that defined Padma Bansal, were but a few distant memories for Padma Gupta. And, she loved that. She loved her new life, with her family, with happiness, with love. She'd never ever imagined, in her wildest of dreams, that one day, so many years later, her past would collide with her. And in such a way.

Padma wanted to hate Shilpa, she really did. But, she still couldn't. Because, what Armaan had said was right. It wasn't Shilpa's fault. Nothing was. However, knowing the truth, all Shilpa reminded her of was the betrayal she'd suffered so long ago. A betrayal she thought she'd moved on from, but was only now realizing she hadn't. Maybe, she never would. And, of course, how could she, after her trust was shattered so brutally? She should have realized earlier that she'd have to live with this hatred and anger for the rest of her life. But, she'd so expertly locked it all away, over such a long period of time, she herself didn't understand she was doing it.