Summer

Lone

I wasn't sure what to feel. Because I didn't know if he was really gone, or if he had just left for a second so I didn't want to freak out. Instead what I decided to do was lay back down on the hard plastic seat. I'd wait here for a little while just in case he came back despite the sinking feeling I had that told me the truth. But I ignored that feeling and pushed it away, not wanting to think about it. I closed my eyes as tight as I could to silence the thoughts running through my head.

For a while I just laid there, my thoughts drifting off to a few hours before. To when me and Ace had been on this boat as close as two people could get. I wasn't talking about the sex, but after when we sat close together as everything felt really open and real. Almost as if we had seen each other for who we truly were. But now, my head was twisted and I wasn't sure what was happening.

I growled at myself, and threw my head back only to bump my head on the side of the boat. "Ow...fuck." I cursed and rubbed my head. I decided that it was time to leave, to go look for Ace and see if he was waiting outside. I stood up holding the sides of the boat before carefully moving forward so I didn't end up falling in the water. I used my foot to feel the outside, to see where it was safe. Once I knew where I had to step I hoisted myself to the other side. After I knew I was safe from falling in the water, I let out a sigh of relief.

As I went to walk out of the tunnel to go outside, I found myself looking back at the seat I had just been laying in. And my heart clenched in my chest thinking about what I had just shared with someone I had wanted so much. It seemed like a simple moment, such a small thing I had just given away but in reality what I had given him was so much more than sex. And I knew he knew that the moment it was over. That look I had seen in his eyes was something I couldn't seem to shake. Before I could think about any further, I took a deep breath and clenched my fists before walking out.

And there was nothing but air as I stepped away, and moved through the empty amusement park alone. No sounds. No people. Just me with the sound of my footsteps against the concrete. My body trembled as I walked past the space with bench, where I had stood and hugged him tightly as he told me about his father. But I wouldn't let myself go there. He could be waiting in the car, I told myself, so just fucking stop. My head started to fill up with all the things that he could be doing and I knew I had to stop it somehow.

So without knowing what I was doing, I started to run. I ran as fast as I could away from the all stupid fucking things I kept thinking back to. And I didn't stop, I kept going faster and faster as I heard myself wheeze. But anything was better than the thoughts that were currently trying to sneak in. I pushed myself faster, harder as the memories of him running his hands over my body came in. And that's when I crashed.

I fell down hard, scraping my knee along the sidewalk. I knew I was bleeding but I couldn't feel it. Mostly because I was breathing so hard I couldn't feel anything. Also it was because I felt numb on the inside, like there was this disbelief that I was hiding from. To keep my head from screaming once more I stood up and starting walking again. I tried to run but my knee made me hiss out in pain, so I just moved slowly this time.  I ignored the blood dripping from the knee and the pathway it was making on the sidewalk behind me.

And then finally, finally I reached my car. It was still there, and it was also empty. No one was inside. I didn't let myself think about it as I moved towards the vehicle, opening the door so that that I could sit down. It was only when I sat that I started to think about something. Something really important that I hadn't thought about until now. "Fuck!" I cursed as I remembered what happened last night, and what we didn't do. "We didn't use a fucking condom." I yelled out loud even though there was no one around.

Fuck, fuck, fuck I kept thinking to myself. And what's more was that I also remembered I didn't have any money. If there was no Ace at the moment, I'd have to find some quick cash. Or maybe do the unthinkable and just call my dad to tell him I'm coming home. I was starting to panic, so I decided to look all around the car for any cash that might have been left behind. And just as I was about to give up, I decided to look in the glove compartment. And an envelope with a wad of cash fell out.