Summer

Lucky

Everything fell apart before I even opened my eyes.

Duke was right there, standing over me with tears in her eyes and her journal in her hand. And I knew I fucked up. That there was no coming back from this, I had lied to her for weeks and she probably thought I read it all. And in her mind, I pretended not to know, told her that she could talk to me when I was breaking into all her innermost thoughts. It was like the ultimate betrayal for Duke and I wanted to reach out. To tell her the truth, I read one page and nothing else but even that sounded bad.

"You're a bitch." She sputtered out, trying to hold back her tears it didn't look like she was angry but rather heartbroken, lonely, and most of all lost. Like she needed me as much as I needed her. Almost as if we could heal each other in some sort of way. But I had royally fucked up, and now I wasn't sure what to do next. Where to go next in all of this?

"Duke..." I was trying to come closer to her, but she was shaking her head and moving backward, toward the door and out of my life. But I couldn't, wouldn't let that happen. I had to salvage our fractured relationship somehow. I just had to. Because I knew something was going to happen if I let her walk out that door, I could feel it. There was too much going on with her to let her just run away. "Don't go, please." I sobbed as she pressed her back firmly against the door, breathing heavily and fast, her eyes red and watery as she looked over to the side. And it was because she had to look anywhere but at me.

"You shouldn't have..." She clamped her mouth shut, not wanting to say another word. And I wanted to beg her, to cry and scream at her to talk to me. That all I wanted to do was help her. I just didn't know how, and now it was all such a twisted and tangled mess. We were both spiraling, chopping each other to bits as we revealed ourselves for who were. And I had to watch her mind spin out of control, knowing it was me who pushed her. "Fuck you."

"I'm sorry," I whispered as I climbed off my bed, trying to come closer to where she was. Her eyes widened like a frightened cat, her back arched as if she was about to attack. "I didn't mean to lie to you. Please, please...just don't..." I tried to reach for her to help her understand that I wanted more than to help her. That we could help each other. But before I could she shoved me with a force I didn't know she had in her.

I couldn't breathe as I looked up at her, so tired and broken and done with everything, and I tried to say something, anything but there was no chance as she ran out the door. And then she was gone, and I was too stumbling, my vision blurry and unfocused as I tried to go after her. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

We were supposed to be past everything, forgetting about all the other people and becoming best friends again. What I didn't expect was for her to be so defensive, her stance rolling off with waves of intense anger that I didn't even know she had. But I should have known. We should have been closer. All this time she was next to me, fading away into the distance and I didn't know it until she was standing over me with that look in her eyes. And now she was gone, somewhere crying and hurting, where I couldn't get to her.

I reached the bottom of the stairs, and suddenly all the open space around me seemed too cold, too empty. And Duke was nowhere to be found. She was gone, I knew that. But I was determined to try to go after her. But I didn't get the chance, as Eleanor came into my view from the kitchen and she looked sour, like she was sucking on a lemon and everything was bitter, nothing would ever be good enough.

"Oh, it's you. I was looking for you." Eleanor pursed her lips together and sighed heavily. "I have a lot to get done today and I need you to help. I talked to your Father, he said that shouldn't be a problem." My whole body tensed up, and all I could do was nod at her. A slow smile spread across her face. "Good. Come with me."