Summer

Loquat

She wanted to talk more about my mom, more specifically my parents and how much they had fucked me up. I wasn't really sure I could list all the things they had done. All the things I had seen while they pushed me the side. And I didn't really want to talk about it, didn't want to think about how much they didn't care. What I did want was to leave. This seemed like a waste time knowing someone was out there trying, planning to kill me.

I thought it was serious before, but seeing my face plastered in that shed haunted and confirmed all my fears. That whoever this was had been watching me for a long time. Carefully calculating everything I had done and watching for an opening. There had been papers, things of mine thrown all over the floor and I didn't tell anyone but I went back to look. I wanted to see what they had on me and what secrets of mine they had.

But when I went back it was empty. All the pictures were gone. The things I had wanted to tear apart were gone. All that was left was one thing left in the middle of the floor. My picture marked in red, except my head was ripped out where it should have been.

Don't get me wrong, I was scared and wanted nothing more to forget about what was happening. But I couldn't. I almost never slept anymore and when I did my dreams were dark, vile always causing me to wake up in a sweat. For a while I had been sleeping better but that shed had given me a major setback. Now I was shoving a knife under my pillow and preparing myself for what was next.

I glanced up at Miss Young, who was watching me a smile. She seemed so easy and carefree. It made me wonder if that was how she actually was, or was there more to the story. What haunted her at night? She knew so much about me and yet I knew nothing about her. Maybe it was because I never asked, but I felt like it was unfair. I could only share so much with someone I didn't know.

"You know, I shared something heavy last week." She nodded, staring at me intently and waiting for what I'd say next. "But you never say anything about yourself." Her face flushed, clearly not expecting that. She tried to compose her as much as she could but I could see the effect my words had on her. "Exactly." And so I leaned back in my chair.

"I told you about my daughter." She tried to say. But that wasn't what I was talking about and she knew it.

"It's about her. Not you." I sighed, closing my eyes and trying to understand why it was so unfocused. "I know not one thing about you, and I shared my mother being a slut."

"I don't see why. We're hear to talk about you." I decided to ignore her for the rest of the time and block out whatever else she had to say.

"Whatever." I blinked, trying to return to the state I was in before and push all the thoughts trying to force their way out. I was ready to leave.

"I was in love once." I looked over at her, her glasses were off and she set them down. Her eyes were downcast and so I sat up to look up at her. "We were young, our last year of college. I was with this other guy and he was really sweet. But I never loved him, my friends did and we weren't exactly popular so it wasn't a lot, but it was something. Until I met this other guy." Her lips trembled, I watched her with curiousity. "He was a terrible person but I knew it was an act. No one liked him and yet I fell madly in love with him, giving up everything to be with him."

"Is this where you tell me that he was truly an asshole? That he wasn't worth it and we should never do that to ourselves." I guessed for her and she shook her head. That surprised me more than anything.

"No I truly loved him. He was more than they said he was and we grew so close, and I gave myself to him like I had with no one else, heart, mind and body. It was everything. I thought we'd be together forever." Her eyes were damp and glistening with tears, this had clearly hurt her and that was something I related to. Something I knew more than anyone else.