Summer

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Ace watched me across the room, his eyes were a storm that I wanted to bury myself in, and yet he didn't know how conflicted I was at the moment. The idea that Natasha had planted inside my head wouldn't stop playing and running through. Understanding that this would change everything, that I would get to dig out of this trapped image of myself and finally, maybe be able to feel like a person again. But then also understanding that I would have to leave him, that I'd cause my own heartbreak with the one person who understood me.

Sloane stood next to me, rubbing my arm as I felt my eyes start to water. I knew in her mind she thought I'd go. She most likely already had it planned out, where I'd stay, the friends we'd have together and all of that shit. But as much as she liked to think she knew me, the truth was that she would really never know half the shit I had done. And that I didn't know if I was strong enough to leave.

Not just because of him, but because of myself and the way I thought I deserved to be treated. I wasn't a good person. I hadn't done good things. And I didn't know if I could just pack up, move and change that quick. It wasn't that easy.

Eleanor spread out cake samples across the glossy dining table, inviting everyone to sit down as the caterers moved around, in and out of the kitchen. Ace sat down next to me and Sloane huffed and snorted as she sat on the other side. He was close enough that I could feel the heat from his body, making my skin prickle with goosebumps and all I wanted to do was kiss him in front of everybody. And with the way he kept glancing my way, I could tell he felt the same way but he didn't want to just kiss me.

"Summer, try this one." Sloane said, holding out a toothpick with cake out for me to try. I turned away from Ace and took the piece from her. It was hard to chew and swallow, feeling both of their stares on me. I knew they both watched me for different reasons and I couldn't breath thinking about either one. "Oh, try this one too." She grinned at me and handed me another piece.

And the whole time she kept handing me different samples, making me almost laugh when she didn't like a piece and spat it out in front of Eleanor. Her open look of disgust was almost enough to make me forget about why my head was spinning. But I knew my Father was nearby, so I refused to directly laugh at Sloane. It was always better to do what he wanted and not cause problems.

And without realizing it, I started imagining my life back with Natasha and Sloane. I could myself start to let go of the terrible things I had done. The terrible things people had done to me. Maybe I could feel that taste of freedom again, I knew it would never be like last summer, but a part of me hoped it could be better. That I could actually stop fucking hating myself. Be a better person than I had been.

But then I wondered if that was even possible, to let go of everything and think I could just pretend none of it happened. But I knew it did and that it'd always be there. Haunting me, telling me that I was responsible for what happened to her.

Natasha gave me a small smile from across the table, letting me know that I would always be safe with her. That she'd help me through whatever I was going through. But the thing was, she didn't know half the shit I was going through and I wasn't sure I could ever tell her. It wasn't that I didn't trust her. It was that I was scared, scared of what she'd say and the look on her face. After all the reason I left was because they thought I was bad news. Was that all I'd ever be to them?

Sloane was still talking, shoving cake towards me and I was nodding along when I felt a hand on sliding over my thigh. My heart stormed like lightening in my chest and I could feel the prickle of my skin where he was squeezing. It caused a warm effect that started to spread throughout my whole body and it became harder and harder to breathe. It was clear that he knew something was happening, and he wasn't fucking having it.