Summer

Little

It was clear whatever we had, whatever we were was now over.

I watched the door every night since that day, waiting for him to come and curl underneath my sheets. My heart cried out with every creak and soft rustle near my room. I wasn't ready for this, wasn't prepared for how it felt to actually lose him. I knew that eventually I'd have to end it and take back everything I felt. But I never realized what it would mean, my head on the pillow and my heart on the line as I waited for what could never happen again.

I turned away from the door. I had to stop, I really had to stop. It was becoming too consuming and all I ever thought about. I needed to focus on the wedding, the role my father wanted me to play and the perfect role I'd have to play to get him agree to let me leave. Without Ace I had no reason to stay. Not that he was even a real reason before, it was just one of the reasons I didn't want to leave. Now everything was different. Now that...my fists bunched as I had to catch my breath, thinking about everything that had to happen next.

Of how it'd feel to see him again, my heart always crying out for him. I didn't want to think about us becoming family and being nothing else ever again. Didn't want to wrap my head around losing our long nights, never seeing those wolf eyes glimmer and making me lose all of my senses, over and over again. Fuck, why the fuck did I have to fall in love. I knew it would never end well.

I closed my eyes, screwed them tight to stop my thoughts from bubbling over and spilling into my nerves, but it was hard to shake. My thoughts clung to my head like velcro. I didn't want to think about him, wanted it all stop as I struggled to breathe. He had been gone since that day, storming out and causing Eleanor to cry to my father over the phone about how Ace left. Some part of me was relieved he was gone, while the other part still craved him. I probably always would. I loved him and that wasn't going away anytime soon.

Sloane was still pissed, she refused to talk to me after stomping away from the bathroom and I didn't blame her. I was being a terrible person and an even worse friend. I was just glad she didn't tell Natasha yet. And I knew she hadn't because Natasha had asked me if I knew what was going on with Sloane a few times. It made me feel relieved that she still cared for me that much. But at the same time I also felt guilty, for lying to her, for doing exactly what she warned me against. I didn't mean to betray her trust and I wished I could take it back. I wished that I didn't love someone so clearly wrong for me, but I did and he made me a mess everytime he came around.

But I wanted to try to be better than that, especially since I would be living with her soon, hopefully. I just didn't know how. And I was so tired, of being tired and not sleeping. Staring at the dark, midnight sky every night and my endless thoughts that were too much. Watching the ceiling every night and letting my mind spiral until all I was was a pool of anxiety, spreading around my invasive thoughts like butter.

It was why I wasn't surprised when the sun started to come up, and my eyes hadn't closed once. Another night without sleeping was the new normal for me. I sat up, huddling and resting my head on my knees to create the distance from me and the sun. It was too much. Too soon, I wished the night would stretch on and on to give time to fall asleep. But before I could even think too far ahead, someone knocking on my door made me glance toward it. I was too tired to even get up.

"Come in." I softly called, knowing it wasn't Ace because he never knocked once, just always came right in like a dream. I briefly wondered if it was Sloane and if she finally wanted to talk. But it wasn't who I expected. It was Laura, Brent's perfect little girlfriend. I hadn't seen her in a while and even if we had hung out a few times, I didn't really consider us friends. Also I had been avoiding Brent, my friends and that whole group for a while now. And until recently I was having sex, a lot of sex. But now I wasn't going to be having sex for a while. Maybe ever, my heart clenched at the thought of being with anyone else.