Summer

Liar

I stayed with Ken for another day, we talked and baked together all day. I hadn't realized how much I actually missed cooking until I started cooking with Ken. The thought of cooking made me feel nostalgic, but also sad because of the way I had to learn. I didn't say this to him. The last thing I wanted at the moment was more comfort or pity from anyone. I'd had enough of that to last me a lifetime. It's also the reason why I decided not to stay a few more days with Ken. Everytime I turn around, I would see that look of concern and flinch. It was more than I could take.

So I took off, accepting his hugs and waving as I drove down the rode. But once I was out of his sight I breathed a sigh of relief. I was relieved to be alone, to be able to act how I wanted. At the same time I knew I would miss him and his comforting presence. I would need that in couple days because this time I wasn't running away, no this time I was going somewhere I didn't think I'd ever go back to. 

Home. My home, the one I had ran away from to get away from everything. And then I found some people who made me see things differently. I thought I'd stay forever, maybe stay with people who cared about me for a change. But then I did what I did best. I ran away and left them all behind. Just like I always did, and the thought of Natasha crying over me made my heart ache in the worst way possible. I didn't think that could happen. Not to me, and it almost made me want to turn the car around. But I didn't. I couldn't.

Because I knew it was time to go back. I was ready, I had to be. Even if I didn't feel like I was. I had been through so much this Summer, met so many people, saw and did so many things that I couldn't seem to forget. But now everything was over. It was all faded and put away into the past, where things couldn't reach me anymore.

So I drove for the last time, past roads I had sped by months ago. I stopped at gas stations, spending the last of the cash he left me. I didn't even check how much I spent. I just came out with bags full of snacks, stupid stuff I didn't even want. I just wanted the last reminder I had of him to be gone. The summer was over, whatever we had was over. A summer fling we'll call it. If it could even be called that. It was as if there was this heart-stopping second where he was there with me, but then I blinked and suddenly he was gone like flash of a lightning.

And I couldn't afford to let myself go back there, not when I was finally starting to be able to sleep again. I could let myself hope that whatever we had meant something to him to. That I wasn't just another one of his fucking conquests, but it would do me no good. None of that would help me. And so I decided that it was over. So I let it be over. Right now I vowed to do whatever I could, to keep it far away and out of my mind. Forever.

I chomped, chewed and sucked various snacks and candies to help with the stress of knowing I was getting closer and closer. I could feel it. My town sucking me in, welcoming me back to the last place I ever wanted to be. My body hummed along with the car and it was all I could do not to pull over to throw up. I rolled down my windows, breathing in the fresh sweet air of freedom for the last time.

And then there I was, right in front of the sign that welcomed back to Nava Valley. A semi small town in the middle of California. One that seemed all sweet and innocent on the outside, but once you got inside it was dark and sinster. Everyone had a part to play, everyone had to make sure everyone was in there place. And if you stepped out of line there would someone to help you fall into it. But no one had ever gone as far as to kill animals, to place them on peoples front porches. The thought of going back to that, to being forced to be stuck in a role I didn't want because something hated me that much terrified me.

But I couldn't sit here forever, I actually had to move out of the middle of the road. So I drove into my town feeling sicker and sicker the further I went. I could see the schools, the high school I had to go back to. The thought of seeing Brent again. After everything we went through the last time, and how mad I was at him. But I knew now I didn't love him. Not after this Summer, I wasn't sure if I could love anyone the same way again. But I didn't let myself reflect on that as my house came into view.