Summer

Leak

"Are you okay?" Young blinked at me as I flipped through the school magazine she left on her desk. I know she was waiting for me to say something, anything about the incident that happened a few weeks ago. But I couldn't bring myself to admit to her that these days it was all I thought about. Even when some things were really great, I couldn't blink and not feel her blood all over my body. It was a nightmare to sleep without Ace and I found myself drifting to his room more times than I could count. Except sometimes he wasn't there, and I was left on my own.

Just like now, I was swimming in my head and someone was waiting for words I couldn't say. How could I tell her that I secretly wished it was me. That even if she was a person who tortured me, and tried to kill me, I felt like I was exhausted. I couldn't play this game anymore. And that's why I pretended not to hear her.

"Summer, why don't we try something else today?" Young took off her glasses, sighing and gently taking the magazine out of my hands. I wanted to protest but I was so tired I didn't have it in me. I wasn't sure where he was, but Ace hadn't been home in few days and I was sure it had to do with my houseguests. And as much as I needed him to sleep, I missed him even more. He hadn't answered my texts and I was left wondering what I did wrong. Again. "First, answer me this. Have you been sleeping?"

I shook my head, and thats when she sighed again. "This is no good. You need to sleep." Young said to me, but I was too out of it to listen. "I know that a lot is going on in your head, that talking seems pointless and a waste of time. But its not. And someday you're going to have to fucking accept that." My head snapped up at the sound of a curse slipping from her lips and before I could stop myself, I let out a giggle. And then before long that giggle turned into full blown laughter. Until I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe.

And all the while she sat there, watching me with a small smile on her face. It felt so good to just laugh. I couldn't the last time I had felt that free to let myself just be. I knew it couldn't last, and all good things had to end, but I let myself enjoy this moment. To believe that I could one day be that happy, and thats when I stopped.

My body shriveled back into itself, as if we had done enough for one day and I laid back on the squeaky couch. Young was still trying to smile and keep the moment going but it was over. We both knew it. 

"We've talked about family, a little about you. But what about friends? We've never talked about what you're friends are like." Young tried to coax me, buttering me up with laughter and slamming me down with the cold hard truth of friendship. She had no fucking idea what my friends were like. They were either a golden path to everything you thought you wanted, or a downright fucking nightmare that could chew you up and spit you out.

"I don't know if you want to hear about them." Young gave me a knowing smile, telling without words that whatever I shared would be safe here. That I could talk and talk and everything would feel fucking better. Would it, or would I always be this way, feeling like I was about to be shoved off a cliff at any moment. And they would the ones to do it too. "But okay, where do you want me to start?" I couldn't believe I was fucking agreeing to this. It was probably because I was too tired to fight.

"How about what they're like? Are they supportive? How they understand you?" Young gave me a few tips and I had to scoff at her suggestions. Supportive? Understanding? Did she know any of the kids at this school, because if she did those would be last things she would try to suggest.

"Yeah, no. You aren't that dumb, are you? You do walk around this school and you have to had heard things. Things about me. About my so called friends. And don't tell me you haven't because I still remember how we met." I searched her eyes, testing her like she tried to test me that first time. Her cheeks flushed as she looked away uncomfortably and I knew she remembered.