Summer

Loyal

What does it mean to leave everything behind, to understand when it's time to go? Feeling the webs that weaved you, the things that made you begin to fall into a hollow place, where you can't seem to come back from. When you feel the stars and the moon start to fade away into the distance. That's when you know. When Everything starts drifting around you in that dark, damp space where nothing seems to matter. Thoughts feel empty and you wonder why, why even try to leave this place. And you just know. 

Hours, maybe even days passed me by and all I could do was accept the heavy, settling feeling that spiraled me further and further. I didn't know anything. Just that this place was where people went to die, all the girls who had come here never left. And I was accepting that I was going to become one of those girls. I couldn't seem to care where I was, and even if I did I couldn't seem to find the strength to get up.

What does it all mean, I had to wonder. What does it all even matter? Does it even matter anymore? What did I have left to fight for?

Laura was always glaring at me, those eyes burning into my soul over and over. Who was this girl? Where did she even come from, I had to wonder. I couldn't even find the energy to remember. All I could think was she was always there. She was always there. Watching us, planning her next move. Planning when to attack. And we all had no idea, thinking she was such a sweet girl who wanted more than to be popular. We were wrong.

"You're pathetic." Laura spat across the room, my eyes glanced over to her tearing papers off the walls angrily. Ripping and tearing through all those empty, sad girls who never had a chance. Just like me. "I hate you." She threw shredded paper my way, and laughed manically as I grimaced. "After all that attitude, looking like the top bitch and all you do is lay there. No fight. No words." Laura stopped what she was doing, and pieces of paper fluttered to the floor behind her as she came over to where I was. And then unexpectedly she kicked me. Hard. I winced. "Just like a fucking dog." She kicked me again. But I still didn't say anything. I couldn't.

It was like I couldn't feel anything, everything I wanted had washed away and now I felt so low, like I was someplace where nothing could touch me. Just pointless thinking about how much I wanted this to be over. I wanted everything to be over.  Everything felt so cold, the floor kept rubbing raw against my skin with every kick she gave me, and it should have made reminded me to fight, to not give up. But all it did was give me another reason to fall away. What was the point of fighting? Of even trying to say anything to her?

There was no point.

She scrunched her face in disgust and went over to sit on the floor beside me, petting me softly like I was a dog. But I could barely feel it as she continued talking. "I suppose you're wondering why I'm going to kill you." I wasn't. I wasn't wondering anything. I just wanted to close my eyes and forget about everything. "I wasn't lying when I said I had a twin sister. Her name was Lena." Laura ran her fingers over me, almost as if she was soothing me. But even in my worst thoughts, I knew better. "I had a twin, and she was beautiful. More beautiful than I ever was. And she was everything to me."

"But I was different. We both knew it." Laura sighed, gently petting me over and over like I was her pet and not someone she had taken. Like she didn't plan to end my life soon. "For instance, she liked to date boys, cheer, and be popular. Me on the other hand, I liked to kill." Suddenly she stopped petting me. "It started small. I would kill our pets, and the neighbor's pets, and Lena knew. She tried to hide it from everyone. But that didn't work when I killed my first person. It was exhilarating to watch him beg, cry, and to hear the pain in his last words." 

Laura grinned a devilish grin at me and started to pet me again, this time more aggressively. I wanted to pull away but everything felt too heavy and again I thought, what's the point? "It was Lena's first boyfriend, he tried to take her from me. Some jock asshole who thought he was better than everyone else." I winced as she dug her nails into my skin as hard as she could. "But that couldn't happen. She was mine. Not his. So I killed him."