Monster's Daughter (Legacies Fanfic)

Regret

I burry my head in my hands trying to continue my work without crying all over my work. It was stupid...It made me so angry it made me want to tear up my papers and run out of here and hold my daughter. Thinking of her made me tear up. 

"One day at a time" I mumble to myself picking up my pencil. I try to focus but my mind wanders like a lost sheep. I spring up and start pacing same as I did the night before. I grab at my hair scrunching and pulling it trying to find any comfort. I release my hands from my hair dragging them down my face. I pace faster with a paralyzing anxiety. I try to breathe deeply but everything is sucked out of me. I cling to the bed post.I look back to see the paper from my desk flying around the room breezing around me,niking my body leaving small cuts. I try to cover my self with my cardigan ducking to the ground clinging to the bed post in fear. I kept trying to calm down but it seemed impossible with all the things running through my head.

There is a knock on my door

"Not right now"I yell through the storm of paper and emotions

"It's Caroline, I'm here about your room, may I come in"

I shut my eyes whispering trying to calm myself down

"Hope" She says in a calmer tone "Are you ok"

I don't answer, tears freely fall from my face, I choke on my tears and the storm in my mind dies down

"Hope" She knocks harder with urgency in her voice "I coming in" 

She throws open the door "Hope" 

She looks at my tearstained face aged by sleepless nights and grief.

I hold my necklace trying to hold back more tears.

Caroline sits down next to me and holds me tight.

"I told myself I wasn't going to cry" I try to compose myself only making me cry more

I just wanted my mom

That thought made me burst out crying,choking on my previous tears I cluch her arms 

I try to stop but I can't they keep coming, my brain whirls with memories of long forgotten words and memories

My mothers smile, her laugh that made even the coldest souls smile,and how she would sit in the living room and draw with me, how she would carry me upstairs when I pretended to fall asleep, and how she would hold my hand when I felt lonely

Without her I felt broken, she was my best friend, she's the only person I wasn't guilty to share my feelings with, and she died because I wanted to meet a man who hadn't bothered to show up or talk to me in years, I was selfish

I've been selfish whether it was kidnaping my mother or sending Josie away it killed me, it broke me, I was arrogant and prideful

"Its my fault I was selfish and arrogant" I choke out

"Hope, you've never been selfish or arrogant, you've always tried to do the right thing" she holds me letting my cry on her shoulder