I Don't want to be alone.....

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I try to go back to my room but its just so quiet and I just want Josie to hold me. I just want to feel her warm skin against mine. Being next to her felt safe, it meant I wasn't alone with esther and I wasn't just alone.......... I just don't want to be by myself.

I walk out of my room similar to what I imagine a small child would do if they had a nightmare

I never really had that normal childhood experience where I was scared and found my mom. What I would do was cry in my bed or I would walk downstairs to find my Grandma Mary asleep on the couch, then I would get a warm glass of water and try to calm down. It's weird, I've always been able to take care of my self and I knew or at least I thought  I knew that I was the only one who was going to ever truly understand me...

Sure my Mom was around but she was so focused on bringing back my family that it felt selfish to bother her. I'm sure she would have a thing or two to say If she knew I thought about it like that. But she's dead........

I open the door to Josie and Lizzie's Room

"Hello Hope" Josie Moves over in bed

"Ugh Hope" Lizzie rubs her eye.

"Shut up Lizzie" Josie groans

"Get in" She reaches for my hand

I wrap my arms around her and slide in next to her

"Another bad dream" She kisses my forehead

"No" I mumble turning around

"What's the matter" She strokes my hair

"I couldn't sleep alone" I start to tear up

"Hey it's okay, you don't have to sleep alone" She wraps her warm arms around me "Is that better"

"Thank you"

"Thats gay" Lizzie laughs and roles over in her bed

"Shut up" I throw a pillow at her

"Lizzie get out" Josie yells

"Where do I go" Lizzie sighs

"Just go to my room" I yawn

"No It probably smells like dog"  Lizzie whines

"We both know that isn't how it works, but okay" I sigh and nuzzle into Josie's chest.

"Fine, " Lizzie grabs her covers and walks to my room.

"Are you ok" Josie strokes my hair "Honestly"

"Honestly I feel......Safe and ......before I felt cold and you weren't here and I felt alone....Does that make sense" I stutter.

"Perhaps" She rubs my arm

"C-Can you keep doing that, it feels nice.." I blush embarrassed how vulnerable I'm being "It makes me feel safe"

"Of course" She pulls me tighter rubbing my arms

"I love you, Josie" I whisper releasing the tension in my shoulders

"I love you, too" She whispers into my ear 

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Hey I'm sorry if I haven't updated as often as I usually do, I just haven't mentally been in a great place and I really don't want to fall back in to the rabbit hole that is depression. However I will try my hardest to stay on schedule. 




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