Monster's Daughter (Legacies Fanfic)

Addiction

TW

A chapter I should have made a while ago.......

Hope POV

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"Josie" I whisper

"Hope" She whispers "..Whats the matter"

"I want pills and I don't want them" I mumble ashamed and embarressed,I bury my head in my pillow.

"Can you talk about it" She rubs my shoulder in a soft tone.

"After my mom died and my life basiclly fell apart, I was upset...I felt robbed, like whose parents both die so close to each other when their kid is well...still a kid. I was really mad my whole life was different after that and I thought it was my fault" I gulp lifting my head from the pillow but still not facing Josie.

"Sometimes I still think it was my fault ,and I remember seeing the druggies and the potheads hanging out outside the gas station and I thought,well I thought they were so care free. And if I died who would care,sure my relatives would mourn....but life moves on with or without you" Josie continues to rub my shoulder.

"And one day I got up the courage to walk over there and they weren't judgemental....they listened, they didn't know who I was but it didn't matter, one gave me the number for their dealer, I remeber buying my first bottle and I walked around with it for a week until actually tried one....I just wanted to die or just not care about anything and I felt good for the first time since my dad died and I basiclly made my Uncle commit suicide......I kept buying more and if I didn't have the money I would threaten and steal. Sure, I loved feeling high and weightless but I'm still the same person when I look in the mirror, I'm still the same-monster." I blurt

"When I found out I was pregnant I tried everything spells and potions and when they failed I tried to surround myself with people at all times so I couldn't sneak off to get them and when I bought them I would convince myself I was buying them so people wouldn't know I was pregnant, but so many times I would put them in my mouth and desperately tried to convince myself I didn't need them or that it wasn't worth it. Then Esther started bothering me and I can tell you there is no better Rehab than your evil grandmother draining your lifeforce and will to live........ and now I them again and I know they will make everything worse spare me the whole D.A.R.E speech. But its like I want them so bad and I can get them"

I turn around to look at Josie who is attentively listening

"Its like I'm sitting a room and in front of me is a giant cookie jar and you tell me my whole life will fall apart if I eat one....and I am forced to sit in front of it and eat bland and disgusting foods. And you can't help but wish you were eating one because at least you would feel good for a minute. Does that make sense? I can't think of a better analogy at..four in the morning." I explain

"I think I understand, but we need to find you a habit to stay clean, I know I'm not an expert but you can join a group...and talk to cami ,and whenever you feel like you need drugs we can bake cookies, So c'mon get up because we are making cookies"She slides on her slippers

"You are crazy" I smile

"Yeah crazy about you" She smiles reaching out her hand

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I will try to update more often again, I'm finally in a better place. This chapter was long overdue it was mentioned in earlier sections but not brought up. Addiction is not a one and done thing and I would hate for my writting to reflect that in anyway. I hope my chapter was able give justice to what addiction really is.