Heretics

Chapter 29: Dinner and Revelation

"What did you talk to Bagrah about when you came to the hut today?" The question seemed to have caught him off guard. He was putting his pants on as he didn't want random servants seeing him fully naked on this day.

      "Why do you want to know?" He looked into the full length mirror in the bedroom and fixed his bed head hair as I answered him.

      "Just curious. Should I get dressed or do you prefer this?" I smirked at him and knew what I was doing was going to make him crazy but at the moment I didn't care.

     I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head against his back. I felt the muscles tense and relax when he realized it was just me. He was always on guard at most times. It wasn't something new to me.

      "I prefer you this way but at least a robe or a nightgown so the servants don't faint when they see your beauty." He smirked into the mirror and turned around so I was looking up at him now. "I was asking her about you. I wanted to know how you were doing. Considering every time I came you were sleeping."

      "And what did she have to say about me?" I removed myself from his and opened the wardrobe and pulled out a beautiful grayish blue nightgown and slipped it on.

     "She said you needed time and space to figure things out on your own. She said what had happened wasn't something wasyily forgotten and I don't think today with me had made it easier and I want you to know I'm here Milaya."

     He had been talking so fast it took me a moment to catch up. He was being sheepish about caring for me and I thought it was very cute. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed his nose and laughed. "Anything else?"

     "Nothing of importance why?" He glanced at me curiously as a few knocks were sounded on the door. Food was rolled in a few moments later and my stomach growled in response to it. The smells made my mouth water but eating was the last thing I wanted to do.

     I hadn't exactly had an appetite since the incident almost a week ago. At first I couldn't keep anything down. Breads and soups being mainly all I ate and I pretty much only ate breakfast when Bagrah would wake me up yelling about another stupid grisha who didn't know how to use their power.

I walked over and looked down at the food Aleksander was placing on the little coffee table. There was some bread and we were having pasta. Something that wasn't often seen being eaten in villages. I tried to smile but it sort of turned into a frown.

"What's wrong Milaya?" I hadn't realized Aleksander had stopped placing down food and was now turned to look at me. He looked concerned.

"Nothing. I'm just not sure if I'm going to be able to keep all that food down," I trailed off and looked to the window to my right side. I started rubbing my arm like a little nervous habit.

He sighed and pulled me into his chest. "It's alright if you can't but I want you to try and eat something. Your pale my love." I wrapped my arms around him and took a deep breath. Inhaling his scent made me somewhat calmer.

"I'll try." I fell into the seat behind me and I heard him chuckle a little because I basically flopped down into it. He then went over and sat in his own seat. He poured us water even though wine had come with the meal. The bottle was still closed so I planned on saving it. I don't think I could stomach wine at the moment and it definitely isn't good for the baby.

The baby, I had to tell Aleksander but I was so scared. Instead I bit off a piece of bread and smiled shyly at the man who had just seen me naked only moments ago.

I rested a hand against my stomach and reached for my water. Aleksander noticed this but brushed it off as my stomach not feeling the best. I took a sip and then I decided I was going to try the pasta.

It looked delicious but it made my stomach turn into knots when I thought about eating it. I shouldn't be sitting here enjoying a romantic dinner with Aleksander when I just killed a little boy. I should be, I don't know, being punished or something. I mean I killed him!

His face appeared next to Aleksander's when I tried to blink away the tears that had formed in my eyes. "You did this." He pointed to his throat and I let a sob escape. I place my hands against my ears and pulled my legs to my chest as the little boy continued to shout at me over and over again. "You did this."

      Aleksander was by me in seconds. His hands found my face and he held me tightly against his chest. I took deep uneven breaths and tried to calm myself down. He pulled me into his lap on the floor and we rocked for a little. Until I calmed down.

     I noticed it was dark outside when I had finally stood to go onto the balcony. I need fresh air. Not the air that was full of lust and love. I pushed open the doors while Aleksander cleaned up the plates and glasses.

      I took a deep breath and looked to the lake across from us. It was so dark outside that the lake almost looked black against the night sky. The dock was a dark brown color and the usual green grass was shady and foggy. I breathed in the scent of recent rain and closed my eyes.

     My hand found it's way to my stomach again and I left it there. Tracing along in different patterns letting the baby know that I was here and that I was sorry. I felt Aleksander's arms wrapped around me from behind and he buried his face into my neck. His left hand found mine against the railing and his right placed itself on the hand against my stomach.

      "Why do you keep placing your hand here? You've been doing it all day." I couldn't lie to him. He would know if I was lying almost immediately after I would say something. So I answered truthfully in a whisper so I made sure only he could hear me.

     "I'm pregnant." The wind took my words from me as I whispered them into Aleksander's ear. I felt him freeze for a moment and then look me directly in the eyes before picking me up by my waist and spinning me around yelling with joy.

      "I'm going to be a father?" He looked so over joyed at the news that I couldn't do anything to him at the moment. I couldn't tell him about the crows now. It had to be later. So I looked at him and I smiled because his happiness was radio active.

     "And I'm going to be a mother."