He Started It by Hitting on Me

First and Last Hangover

I guess I was awake, considering a headache was forming. My eyes were closed and from what I could feel, I was laying down. The place seemed soft. I tried to make out any kind of noise around me. There was nothing but a couple of birds chirping and cars zooming past. There was also a soft cool breeze hitting my burning, sweating neck. My throat tasted odd and it stung. My whole mouth felt weird.
I opened my eyes slowly. The first thing I was greeted by was a baby blue ceiling. I was in a house, obviously. I wasn't lying lifelessly outside. Someone actually took me in. My eyes averted from the ceiling to just a little below that. I saw a white door with a golden knob resting upon it. Blue ceiling, white door... this place seems familiar. Suddenly, I heard a page flip. My eyes turned towards the source. And then I saw him.
He was staring at a magazine with no interest as he scanned each page. There was a desk a few feet behind him and a laptop rested upon it. A stack of books and a couple of pictures hung around the desk. There was also a ceramic bowl with steam coming out from it. I looked back at the guy in front of me. He was sitting in a chair, his back hunched over. I kept staring at him, not bothering him. He must've felt he was being watched because his eyes looked right into mine. He closed the magazine.
"You're finally awake," he said, placing the magazine on the edge of the bed.
I blinked at him. I was unsure of what to say or what to do. Once I blinked, my head felt like it was stabbed. I suddenly felt dizzy and the whole world was circling around me. I put a hand to my head. Hell, that hurts. "It's going to hurt for a while; just relax so it can calm down," Jonghyun instructed. There was no emotion in his voice.
I stared at him. "How..." my voice cracked when I started to speak. "How did you find me?" I asked.
He stared at me, expressionless once again. "You don't need to know that. Just be glad I found you and you're safe," Jonghyun replied. I raised an eyebrow.
"How'd you take me home?" I asked, trying another question.
"Car."
"Did I barf?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"At the park."
"Park?"
Jonghyun furrowed his eyes slightly. He cocked his head to the side. "You don't remember anything?" he asked, his voice slightly amused. I shook my head slowly. Another pang of dizziness struck me. Jonghyun raised his eyebrows. Suddenly, he scoffed. He looked away. "Wow," he muttered, "People really don't remember when they're drunk."
I nodded. Suddenly, my eyes widened. "Your test!" I exclaimed, remembering why I tutor him every week. He has a test today, yet he's here with me. My head circled before me. Jonghyun saw me in my surprised and dizzy state and raised a hand up to tell me to calm down.
"I rescheduled it next week- don't worry. I knew you'd get mad if I didn't take the test. Just relax," Jonghyun shushed.
I slowly leaned back calmly against the pillow. Oh. That was smart of him to do. I looked down. I was still wearing the dark hoodie from yesterday. I took in a deep breath. A foul stench hung around my nostrils. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "It stinks," I mumbled, turning my face away from the strong odor.
"It's your fault for drinking in the first place," Jonghyun told me.
"Yeah. I realize that," I muttered.
"Hmm... as long as you realize. Now, get up. I have to feed you," Jonghyun instructed.
I shook my head. "I'm not hungry," I stated. Jonghyun stood up from his chair and went towards his desk to get the bowl of food.
"It doesn't matter if you're hungry or not; you're going to get fed either way," Jonghyun notified, coming back to his seat. He brought the chair closer to where I was and set it down. He sat back on the chair and mixed whatever was in the bowl with the spoon. I folded my arms.
"I'm not eating it," I told him.
He kept mixing the substance. "I don't care- you're still going to eat it. I'll shove it down your throat if I have to," he said, sounding serious. I think he was serious. He scooped some of the stuff from the bowl and held it out in front of my face. He was staring at me solemnly. Damn, he's being serious.
I slowly looked down to the spoon. It turned out to be haejangguk- a hangover cure soup in Korea. I leaned back in bed a little. "I said I'm not hungry," I enunciated.
"And I said I don't care- you're still going to eat," Jonghyun retorted, not disturbing his uninterested gaze from mine. The spoon still hung in between us. I gave out a silent breath of exasperation. This guy is as stubborn as I am.
I leaned forward and opened my mouth slightly. The spoon in front of me did not budge.
"Open your mouth wide so the spoon can actually go in."
I rolled my eyes and opened my mouth wider, giving entrance to the spoon full of soup. The familiar taste of Napa cabbage dances on my tongue. The thick broth warmed my mouth and soothed the stinging dryness. I opened my mouth for a couple of more spoonfuls and it actually helped. My headache calmed down in a while and I was feeling much better. It's amazing what soup can do. In between spoonfuls, I glanced at Jonghyun to see his expression.
He was looking at the spoon most of time. Other times, he would be looking at the bowl or floor. He didn't look at me.
It was a long time of absolute silence. Only nature and fossil fuels from outside proved the world was still alive. Finally, I decided to speak up.
"I'm never going to drink again," I spoke, promising myself. Drinking leads to so much pain, man. And you don't even remember what you do. I know this is what happens after a long night of drinking, but I did it anyways. What Jonghyun said next was unexpected to me.
"Damn right you're not. With me in your life, there will be no alcohol present to you. Not now, not tomorrow. Not ever," Jonghyun committed. I widened my eyes. I wasn't able to speak because I had no words to say his promise. He seemed to be stern about this. His forehead was creased in lines with not worry, but something else. He didn't seem to be so much of a moron now. He still kept on going.
"Do you know how many brain cells you lost? Do you know how any seconds of your life have just gone by because of drinking? How are you ever smart for not knowing this kind of logic? You could have suffered from alcohol poisoning if you kept on drinking!
"This is your first and last time drinking. Not one drop of alcohol is going to touch you. If you honestly think I'll just let bygones be bygones, then you're wrong. If I see you with any kind of alcohol, I swear, I will monitor you every freaking day for the rest of your life until you or I die," Jonghyun threatened. His tone seemed to definitely fit his sudden threat. It certainly startled me. I stared at him, wide-eyed, as he dug the spoon in the bowl. He wasn't done just yet.
"You were really drunk," Jonghyun muttered, mixing the soup in the bowl.
I furrowed my eyes slightly. Was he back to normal? "Was I really?" I asked slowly.
"Yes."
"Oh... how did I act like?" I asked, curious.
Jonghyun stopped mixing the soup. He stared down at it, a blank expression written out on his face. When I saw his expression, I thought I'd done something awful. Did I hurt someone? Did someone hurt me? Where was I? What had happened? Questions bounced around in my mind, leaving me more curious by the minute. Suddenly, Jonghyun's head shot up. I looked at him. He stared back at me. He shrugged.
"You acted like your opposite,'' he replied simply.
My eyes lowered dumbly and I gave him a look of disappointment and annoyance. "That helps so much," I snidely thanked. He nodded in response. He picked the spoon up again and put it in my mouth.
After eating, Jonghyun took the bowl and set it aside on his nightstand. He stared at me.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yeah. The soup actually helped," I responded.
Jonghyun let out a sigh of relief. "Good," he mumbled. I raised my eyebrows slightly in agreement and nodded as well. I looked down to the white comforter on top of me. "Hey..."
I looked up. "Yeah?" I asked.
Jonghyun was staring at the floor when I looked up to view him. His hands were enveloped together and his body was hunched over. His hands rubbed against each other uncomfortably. "Um... so, you don't have any idea what happened yesterday at all?" he asked quietly. I shook my head to his question. He bit his lower lip. I frowned in my mind. Has he ever done that before? It seems like this is the first time I've seen him do it. His lips are actually rosy and tinted with a bit of a salmon color around the frame.
I slapped myself with immense force in my thoughts. What the hell were you saying just then? What the hell was that? You know what, you've been spending too much time with him. You should stop and leave right now. Now. Now. Now.
I'm too lazy.
Do it.
I don't want to.
Why not?
I said I'm lazy. Didn't you hear me?
But you're thinking too much when you're around this bastard. Don't you just want to leave?
No.
Aish. you.
Stupid thoughts; they mess with my mind. I stop paying attention to my thoughts and return my attention to the boy in front of me. He was wondering about what to ask next. Suddenly, his lips parted slightly. "What do you think of me?" he asked.
I raised an eyebrow. "In what way?" I asked slowly.
"What do you think of my looks?" he explained specifically.
I took no hesitation in answering this question, even though I questioned his sudden thought for this. "You're ugly," I replied honestly.
At first, Jonghyun looked surprised. His widened his eyes a bit and he was taken aback at this. A few seconds later, I see a small twitch at the corners of his mouth. This twitch turned to a teensy snigger. I guess it wasn't supposed to be heard because he was unsuccessfully hiding his face away from my sight. However, he was too weak in his own amusement or laughter or whatever he was doing or feeling right now and I've caught more than a glimpse at his snicker.
I frowned. Why is he laughing quietly? Did I do something? Did I say something? What happened to the once serious Jonghyun? Why the hell did he ask that question? What is with this day? I become drunk and things become confusing. Is this normal for hangover days? He looked back up, a lingering smirk hanging on his face. "Right," he chuckled.
I questioned his weird attitude, but shrugged it off. "What should we do now?" I asked.
"You should go take a shower."
"Huh?" I asked, taken aback at his sudden order. Jonghyun's eyes flickered from the floor to my face.
"You should take a shower. You don't want to have that odor following you, right?" he queried.
I nodded slowly. "Yes, but-,"
"Then I suggest you use the bathroom. I'll even help you up," Jonghyun got up from his seat and held his hand out in front of me. I stared blankly at his outstretched hand. I didn't move a muscle.
"It's not like I'm going to molest you or something. Take my hand," Jonghyun instructed. I looked up at him. He was staring back, his impassive look shooting me in the face. I frowned inside my head. How long has he been looking like that? Was he even the real Kim Jonghyun? Actually, the real Kim Jonghyun would do this.
His extended arm still stood in front of my eyes. Knowing I had no other choice, I took a hold of his hand and I was instantly brought up to my feet. I was a couple of inches away from Jonghyun. His warm breath was circling around my collarbone. I backed away a little, yet my hand was still in his. Honestly, his hand was warm and bigger than mine.
I looked down to the floor to avoid his blank gaze. For some reason, I didn't feel like looking up at him. I felt him tugging on my hand as he walked out the door out of his room. As we were walking towards the bathroom, I looked around his hallway. It was big and filled with wall pictures of him and his family. One that caught my eye was Jonghyun and this younger girl at the beach. The girl was on his shoulders and was smiling like there was no tomorrow. She looked cute. I kind of wonder who that is. Jonghyun was smiling in the picture as well and had given a peace sign in the picture. He seemed to look younger.
That picture was away from my sight when we were in front of a white door. He turned the doorknob and opened the door. The door swung open and I saw a toilet, a tub and a sink. And a couple of other things, but this is how an ordinary bathroom looks like.
The walls were blue, which kind of lightened the whiteness of the whole bathroom. Sunshine was streaming out of the window by the far left and it brightened the room. I raised my eyebrows slightly. What a nice bathroom.
Suddenly, the cold air surrounded my once warm hand. I turned my head to the right.
"Go in," Jonghyun urged me, gesturing to the bathroom.
"But... what about clothes and my breath?" I asked. Jonghyun stared at me.
"I'll get clothes for you. As for your concern about your breath, you can use a spare toothbrush in the cabinet. See? Problems solved. Now, go and take a shower," Jonghyun pushed me in the bathroom lightly and closed the door behind him. I stood in the middle of the bathroom, not knowing what to do first. I was actually lost and confused with what was happening.
I took in a deep breath. I got drunk, Jonghyun took me in, he fed me a hangover cure soup, he gave me the offer to take a shower, he's getting me clothes and I'm able to brush my teeth. Lots of things are happening in just a short amount of time. Now, I think I should brush my teeth and get on with the shower I'm dying to take.
I walk towards the bathroom sink and opened the mirror cabinet. Indeed, there was a spare toothbrush. I grabbed it and looked for the toothpaste. After spotting it in the corner, I squeezed some paste on the bristles and put it in my mouth. As I brushed my teeth, I thought about what had happened yesterday.
What had happened to make me come to that drinking decision? That whole drinking night was all hazy to me. I cannot remember anything after getting the liquor from my mother's locked cabinet.
My mother. In the mirror, I can see my face grimacing at the thought of her status to me. Lee Eun Byul, that woman, was my mother. She was better suited as 'that woman'. She wasn't my mother. She surely did not take action to be like one. I was mad after the fight we had yesterday. We've never fought like this before. Even if we weren't on good terms for a long time, we have never really argued. One of us would say something, but the other would keep quiet. Most of the time, it would be me who's keeping quiet.
I thought she deserved whatever I said to her. I was so angry and stressed with what happened over the past few days, my anger got the best of me and it shot at my mother. No, not my mother. That woman. Of course, my mother would just leave me there without saying anything back. She seemed like she had better things to do. She always does this; it was nothing new. Maybe she didn't even feel bad about what I said. I was surely not going to take my words back. Yet I felt scared.
I spit into the sink. I rinse my mouth with water and splash water onto my face. I take a deep breath and take a good look at myself in the mirror. I looked the same. Same red hair, same eyes like my appa, and same cold glare. It never changed. It never will.
I stepped back from sink and looked back at the door. There was no knock to inform me my clothes arrived. I sighed. I might as well take a shower while I'm waiting. I started to take off my hoodie off me. While I was taking it off, I could already smell the foul odor on my clothing. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Does alcohol really smell like this? Or is it other things combined? What did I eat yesterday? It smells so damn revolting.
I placed my hoodie on one of the bathroom hangers beside me. I stripped my tank top off of me and placed it on top of my hoodie as well. As soon as I started to unhook my bra, a knock came at the door. I turned my head towards the door.
"I got your clothes," he called out.
"Okay," I replied.
"Are you decent?" Jonghyun asked over the closed door.
"Um... not really," I called back.
Awkward silence took over the next few minutes. I shifted in my position by the bathroom hangers. Suddenly, the door slowly creaked open. I thought I was going to kick the door back closed right in Jonghyun's face, because he was being such a . It turns out the door opened a quarter of an inch as clothing peeked out of the opening. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Wear these clothes after you take a shower. I'll be by the door if you need anything else," Jonghyun proffered.
I blinked once. Twice. Three times until I knew what I had seen. The kid didn't even come in. He's Jonghyun! He's a damned . He always has been. Why is he a gent today? I never knew a could be such a gentleman sometimes.
I kept my numerous thoughts to myself and walked towards the extended arm. I took a hold of the clothes and Jonghyun's hand swiftly pulled out of the opening. Before I could close the door, he closes it and tells me to lock it. Still in the state of surprise, I lock the door and head back to the tub. I place the clothes Jonghyun offered on another hanger and began to strip of all clothing. After doing so, I stepped into the bathtub.
I turned the knobs and there was an immediate cold and wet sensation hitting my body. At first, I jumped up to the sudden cold but the water got warm after a few seconds. My shoulders relaxed as it got sprayed with water. I never knew water could help your body loosen up. There were so many muscles tangled up inside of me that once water touched my bare body, the muscles and nerves stated to unravel.
I closed my eyes for a brief moment as the water trickled down my spine. The water was so refreshing to my body as well as the atmosphere. Since it was cool water I was showering with, the humidity was nowhere in sight. The cold bathroom wall was a bonus. I thought more about yesterday.
Before my mother and I fought, there was that stupid teacher. Oh yes, I remember. That damned teacher had no clue Hea Won was dead. That fact stung me hard in the heart. Yes, my best friend. She's not here anymore. Oh, how could I ever forget? This whole thing started because of her dying. The effect of her dying caused me to suffer craziness. I was going crazy. I knew I was going crazy. I was in my own state of depression. How I wished it would stop, but it wouldn't. It affected me a bit too much.
I softly hit my head against the cold wall. It sent shivers down my back as my body touched the wall. I bit the inside of my mouth. I should honestly stop thinking about things. If I keep thinking, my grades will go down and I'll upset my mother again-
Wait. Why did I even bring her into this? I don't care about her. She's not my mother. No, she's not. She's that woman. That's all she'll ever be: that woman. She doesn't need me. She only needs herself. So why is my heart trying to tell me otherwise?
I shake my head to shake all thoughts away and focus on the blissful shower now. Damn. Having a shower after a hangover sure does you good. After massaging my head with shampoo, (which was cool against my scalp) and scrubbing myself with soap, I turned off the water. Two towels were both offered to me: blue and white. Huh. The towels go along with the walls of the bathroom too? Color-coordinated family, I see. I raise an eyebrow at which towel I should wrap myself with: the brighter one that had color; or the one that's plain yet looks comforting?
I rolled my tongue around my teeth. I shrugged. Guess it'll be white. I grabbed the towel off the rack and started to dry myself with it. After taking the excess water off me, I wrapped the towel around my body and stepped out of the bathtub. Once again, cold air greeted me as I got out. I gave out a sharp breath of annoyance. Cold air/water/anything is pissing me off right now. I've had enough, thanks.
I took the towel and dried my wet legs and more of my spine, which kept getting wet from the water that trickled from my hair. I took the towel up to my head and rubbed it against my scalp, getting rid of the water. The small window by my far left was still gushing sunshine in the bathroom. I heard a knock on the door. "Are you done?" he asked.
"No. I have to put the clothes on," I replied, walking towards the clothes set out for me.
"Okay. I'll be here."
"O-kay," I answered awkwardly, scratching my head after. I took the first thing on top of the bathroom hanger, which turned out to be the shirt. I looked at it. It amazed me how it was a girl's, not a guy's. The shirt was blue and had a V-neckline. It felt thin and was made of cotton. Small gray words were stitched on it.
"There is always a friend with you," it read.
I tilted my head to the side. Where did he get this? I shrugged to myself and put it back on the hanger. I took my bra and put it on myself. After that, I took the shirt he got for me and put it on. After putting it on, I examined how much I could fit it. Surprisingly, it fit me perfectly. I wanted to know how he got the perfect size but decided to ask him after I wasn't half-. I grabbed the pants he gave me. They were jeans, but they looked much smaller compared to the ones I wear. I slowly set it down on the hanger. Maybe it's better if I wear my own jeans.
After wearing my jeans, I ran a hand through my wet hair and headed for the door. Once I opened it, I found the same boy from a while ago standing by the door. He was leaning against the wall with his arms folded. He raised his eyebrows. "Done?" he asked.
Well, obviously, dumbass. However, I don't say anything and just nod my head. "What about my clothes-,"
"I'll take care of it later. I just want to know if you still feel bad or worse," Jonghyun interrupted.
"I feel fine." I wasn't lying about it.
"You sure? Don't act tough with me now- I honestly wanna know if you're okay."
"Yes, I'm okay," I sighed. It surprised me a little to see Jonghyun so... caring. He's always been caring. It's just that, I've never really noticed much until now. I notice the worry or anxiety clouded in his dark orbs. I notice the deep creases when he's frustrated. I notice several things. I smack myself mentally. Why are you noticing him now, huh? Shut up.
Jonghyun nodded. "All right. I guess it's time for us to go out now," he informed me, unfolding his arms.
I shook my head almost too quickly. "I don't want to go home," I admitted sheepishly.
His expressionless face didn't seem to faze. "I wasn't going to take you home. It's only 12 PM. We're going somewhere else," Jonghyun announced. I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Where?" I wanted to know.
"Someone's place. I think it's best if you come and see them," Jonghyun answered. He led me towards the stairs down and out the door. We were quiet the whole time as we exited his house. I didn't open my mouth for that time. We were even quieter when we got into his car. I sat next to him in the front as we drove to wherever he was taking me. I stay silent in my seat with my arms folded across my chest. The cool air from the window keeps my skin cool and occupied. Jonghyun was busy driving to do anything.
As I look out the window, I can't help but wanting Jonghyun to talk to me. The awkward silence was too overbearing for me. You could only hear the engine and other cars outside. Do you know how dull that is to me?
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. The silence keeps on going. And going and going and going...
"So. Where are we going?" I asked, breaking the silence. Jonghyun's eyes were fixed on the road.
"Someone's place."
"Does it hurt to be more specific?"
"Hold on, we'll be there."
"Why can't you just tell me now?"
"I don't wanna ruin the surprise."
I furrowed my eyes. "Surprise? What surprise?" I asked.
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore," Jonghyun used that typical line.
"You already told me it was a surprise; what difference does it make if you told me where we were going?" I pointed out.
This shut his mouth sealed tight after our light conversation. I knew I should have felt proud for stumping him, but right now I really didn't. I had a bit of an eager spot for wanting to know where we were going. However, I knew he wasn't going to tell me anything until we got there. It took a few minutes from his house to getting to the place.
I look out the window and was immediately welcomed by the sight of a familiar house. The house was bigger than most houses around the block. It was a modern Victorian house with a couple of glass doors from here to there. The front lawn was green and healthy and trees created shadows over patches of grass.
I stared blankly at the stupendous, enormous house in front of me. My mouth had no words to say as Jonghyun parked the car in front of the house. My mouth remained silent as we walked towards the front door. Jonghyun rang the doorbell a few seconds later.
A stout woman answered the door. Her eyes were rimmed with worry and distress. She had bags under her feline eyes. I stared at her intently yet blankly. When she saw us, her eyes instantly lit up. "Oh my, Mi Young and Jonghyun! What a surprise to see you guys after such a long time!" she exclaimed softly, staring at us in awe. I felt a sudden movement next to me and glanced in that direction, only to see Jonghyun bowing down. Knowing what I forgot at the moment, I quickly bowed down as well.
The woman's mouth was still shaped in an 'o'. "Mi Young, you've grown so, so much. From looking at you, I feel as if you've matured into a young, proper woman," she commented. I want to look down sheepishly, for what she said was nowhere near precise, but I keep my intent gaze on her stressed face.
Her attention turns to Jonghyun. "And Jonghyun- why, you're so broad! And so handsome! You're taking care of yourself, yes?" she nods to herself. Jonghyun smiled a bit at her. I could tell he noticed the weariness in her features too.
"Yes, I am. Sorry if we're interrupting anything Mrs. Kim, but is Key home?"
Mrs. Kim's enthusiastic attitude slowly faded as Jonghyun asked his question. "Yes, he's home. He's in his room."
"Is it okay if we see him?" Jonghyun asked, his eyes eager to see him. They look more determined than eager.
Mrs. Kim hesitantly nodded. "But he's not in the greatest disposition right now. Actually, he's been stuck in his room for three days." Mrs. Kim's eyes dreaded with more worry. "He never came out once and he told us to not bother him. After getting from work, I always ask Kibum if he wants to eat, but he always says no. It disheartens me to see my poor Kibum like that," Mrs. Kim sniffed. Mrs. Kim and Mr. Kim are the only ones who say Key's real name; they never liked the name he preferred.
Jonghyun almost took a step forward. "We only just want to see him. Please, Mrs. Kim. We need to see him," Jonghyun practically begged, if only if hadn't been for that purposeful look in his eye. Needless to say, Mrs. Kim gave in to his plead and let us in. We thanked her, more like Jonghyun thanked her, while I stayed silent. Their staircase was long, as was their hallway. Key's room was all in the center of the hallway. Of course he'd be the one wanting the bedroom that's the center of all. That's Key for you.
Before either Jonghyun or I could open the door, we heard small muffled noises behind the closed door. At first, I couldn't tell what the sound was. It was too distinct for me to make it out.
But then Jonghyun put his leg up.
I snapped my head towards his direction and slapped his leg down. "What the are you doing?" I hissed at him. He looked at me.
"What does it look like I'm doing- I'm gonna break the door down," he replied. He sounded as if this was the most idiotic thing I've ever asked.
I raised an eyebrow. "Why?" I asked.
"His door is closed. I have no other choice but to break it down." He put his leg up again. A determined look flashed across his face. "Even if my leg breaks, it's all for Key."
I stared at him with a look of blunt disappointment written all over my face. He didn't see it, for he was getting ready to kick the door down. He steadied himself and balanced his leg in front of him. It took him a moment until getting ready. And his leg shot towards the door. As he was halfway through to kicking the door, I turned the doorknob and the door swung open. Jonghyun immediately fell in the room, his body stumbling a few inches forward. I shook my head slightly as I entered the room myself.
Jonghyun shot his head towards me to glare at me for an extended second. I merely shrugged. I looked around the room. The room was still big as ever and in good shape. I bet if anyone tried to take a cleanliness test on this room, Key would definitely pass without an objection.
Little sniffles were heard after we set foot in the room. My eyes turned towards the limp figure in bed. He was wrapped in his comforter and his back was turned towards us. His shoulders were trembling slightly under the covers. I stared at Key's shielded body.
"Key..." I trailed off, my voice in a whisper. Key suddenly jumped to the sound of my voice and his head turned towards me. I was taken by disbelief when I noticed his face. There were bags under his hollow eyes. Those once playful and teasing black sparkles were hollow and dead of expression. They were red and watery. His whole face was pale- paler than his usual color. He was a creamy shade but now, he's just the color of a white crayon. His chestnut locks of hair were messy and tangled- or so they appeared to be.
He was a horrible mess. The sight of Key being like this immediately shot venom of pain down my arteries. My face fell at the sight of his weak state. "Key..." I whispered again, moving towards his bed. When I sat down on the edge, he moved away.
"No. Don't come closer. L-leave me alone," he croaked weakly. I slightly parted my mouth.
"Key, don't be like this," I said quietly.
His ragged breathing became louder. "W-why s-shouldn't I? I have e-every right t-to be like t-this," he stuttered. Every time a tear falls down from his eye, a small part of me wants to cry along with him. I understand exactly how he feels. I was in this kind of state, too, not so long ago. But I can't cry. No, I can't. Not in front of Key. He needs the comfort. I need to give him the comfort. I wasn't able to give him comfort for a long time now, because he had a girlfriend.
Right. He had a girlfriend. Past tense. She's no longer here. She'll never be here. The fact tightens my heart. I sigh and try to shake that feeling away, focusing on the broken individual in front of me. Key was still trembling under the covers. His head was buried in there. I silently sighed. "Key. You can't cry all day-"
"Yes, I can. I've been doing it for three day already."
I scowled slightly. "You need fresh air," I told him.
"My window's open," he grumbled.
"You need to walk."
"I go to the bathroom from time to time."
"Key."
"What?" he snapped. It sounded more like a whine.
"You have to understand she's not coming back. You need to get up and move on with your life," I admitted to him.
He stayed silent for a moment. Suddenly, he jerked to the opposite side of where I was sitting. "You're as worse as me," he pointed out behind the comforter. Okay, yes, he was absolutely right. I'm still not over this shocking sudden loss of my best friend, but who would be? It's only been a couple of days. I am utterly lost. I don't know what to do. I have no idea on how to handle my life anymore. Without one person in my life and I'm talking as if I've done something horrible.
I gave out a prolonged sigh. "I want you to listen to me, Kibum." He twitched at his birth name. "There's a reason why Hea Won loves you. I don't know if you've ever known about this, but she loves you because of your strength to go on. You know that, right? Whenever you've had a problem in your hands, you solved it. And then you moved on with your life. Now you may think it's because of Hea Won you're so strong, but it's not. You know it's because of you. You know that, don't you?" I asked.
I got no response from him. That didn't stop me from speaking on. "She was the closest person to your heart, I know. But even if she's gone-" my voice stopped shortly, getting the courage to speak again. "- You should still be strong. Key, it's not that hard."
"Yes it is. It's always hard. I can't get over it. It's too difficult. It's too difficult," Key's sobs made its way out of his mouth. His deep, heavy sobs seemed like depressing music to my ears. The feeling of wanting to cry with him came back. I shrugged that feeling away easily.
"Please listen," I almost pleaded. I don't think I've ever said the word 'please'.
"She's gone. What can I do now? My life is over. I have nothing else anymore. I should go die along with her," Key mumbled softly.
"No, you don't need to do that," I sighed.
"She left me and I'm all alone now. I have nothing anymore. My life sucks. I should go die in a hole," Key muttered.
Okay. I am officially pissed off.
I yanked the comforter off of Key and threw it on the floor. I know how much he hates untidiness. He suddenly sat up. "Yah!" he exclaimed.
"You better stop acting like a kid because you are not one anymore. You have to face the hard truth because this is what you'll be living with from now on. You can't change the past, but you can always hope for the future. You better get your act straight or you'll be facing my hard fists in your face. Got that?" I asked, my anger slowly bubbling in my stomach.
At first, Key was speechless as he blinked multiple times at me. His mouth was slightly parted as he tried to get out some words from his mouth, but nothing came. I sat there, staring back at him. Suddenly, tears began to overflow his face again. His mouth trembled as he sobbed once again. He put his head on my shoulder and buried it. "But it hurts," he wept. I placed my hand against his back, softly rubbing in comfort.
"I know it hurts. It's going to hurt for a while, but we'll get over it. Eventually, things will settle down," I encouraged him.
"I don't t-think I'll get o-over it..." Key trembled.
"You do know Hea Won would have ed at you for not being strong? She would have wanted you to move on. Even if it meant finding another girl."
Key suddenly pulled his head up from my shoulder. He shook his head frantically as a couple of tears fell down his cheek. "No. I will never find a girl like Hea Won. I'm never going to date or marry in my lifetime. I only want my Hea Won," Key stubbornly desired.
My shoulders slumped slightly. "Key... You know she's-"
"I know she's dead." A flash of hurt struck his helpless orbs. "I know she's not here. I'm not stupid. But I want her." Key's back hunched over to a certain extent.
"She only wants you to be happy," I tried.
"I'm never going to be happy without her," he mumbled.
"You have to try," I snapped.
He jumped a bit to my unexpected bark. I sighed softly as I closed my eyes for a brief moment. "You have to try. You have to get along without her. If you don't want another girl, then fine. Just as long as you're happy, she'll be happy," I explained. He stared at the bed, avoiding my stare. I sighed once again.
"Your happiness means a lot to her. You were always happy with her. But now you have to be happy without her. You have to at least try, okay? I'm sure you'll do fine," I tried to motivate his spirits.
Key stared down at the bed sheets; his eyes rimmed with tear stains. His blank stare never moved from its position. "I don't think I can do it," he whispered.
I shrugged. "You could always try," I whispered back.
He gave out a quivering sigh. "It's going to take a long time," he pointed out.
I patted his shoulder reassuringly. "We have enough time," I inspirited.
Key's head was slowly brought up to look me in the eyes. His eyes were still watery, but they resembled hurt and sorrow. Before I could do anything, Key threw his arms around me and squeezed me into a hug. My eyes almost popped out of my skull when his thin arms made a firm hold around my shoulders. His bawls started to come out right after he suffocated me into his hug. He buried his head in my shoulder and shed salty tears of all the emotions he's been feeling these past few days.
I could feel his chest heaving up and down against my own slightly. Hesitating, I patted his back but this created a tighter squeeze. I wanted to laugh, but it came out as a cough. His crying went on and on for what seemed like years but I let him. I let him cry on my shoulder and blabber incoherent words to me. I nod to his words and agree with whatever he intends to say. He curled his hands into little fists and it lightly smacked my back. He was still wailing.
"I'll d-d-do it for m-my H-hea Won," he choked out. After getting his agreement to move on, a surge of relief went over me. He was going to go along with it. Once he came to a decision, he stuck through it. Most of the time. I'm pretty sure this will be one of those times where he does go through it.
As he cried, I kept rubbing his back and gave him the most comfort I could. He took advantage of this and cried as much as he wanted. And I let him.
"M-mi Young."
"Hm?" I asked.
"Y-your shirt."
"What about it?"
"It's too bright for you," Key wailed in my shoulder. I grinned sincerely. I patted his back again.
"I know," I replied.
"And Mi Young?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you pick up my comforter?"
I laughed breathlessly. "Once I leave," I assured him. His voice shook as he sighed in relief.
He kept on crying on my shoulder, the shirt now soaked in tears and probably snot. However, I don't think Key has the nerve to do that. He wouldn't be too nasty. After all, he is the Almighty Key. The Almighty Key. My best guy friend Key. He'll do well in the future. I know he will. He'll be better before we know it. And I'll be waiting for his return.
I glanced to my right to the door. I found Jonghyun leaning against the doorframe, with his arms folded. Seeing him there, I realized I forgot he was even there from the beginning. He had his head tilted to the side with a wide eye smile spread across his face. I almost jumped up in surprise from his expression. It was more like something inside of me wanted to jump up. He was smiling directly at me from what I could see. His eyes were telling me something. His whole expression was telling me something. I'm not sure how to describe it, but it was like a look of... thanks. He was thanking me. For what? For this? For helping Key? Is that what he's silently thanking me for?
I could feel myself still gazing at Jonghyun, unable to tear away from his own gaze. It scared me why I couldn't look away. It's as if I was supposed to look at him. Or maybe some other reason.
And then I found myself looking into his eyes. There it was again: that look. Those looks of loneliness. Those looks of pure sorrow that's been torturing me every time I'd look straight into his eyes. And there it came again: the feeling of pity. I pitied the boy once again.
What really puzzles me is why I was feeling this sort of feeling when he clearly looks normal. He doesn't look mentally scarred for life, so why this instant feeling of pity? Why do I pity Jonghyun?
As more and more confusion struck me, the more I couldn't think. My thoughts suddenly became jumbled up together and became known as incoherent gibberish.
After a moment of staring at Jonghyun, I quickly looked away. I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore.
I don't want to feel this feeling of pity. It makes me sick to my stomach just knowing his lonely orbs were pleading for something. I hate this feeling of pity.
Right, because that's exactly what this feeling is.