I Will Remember You

Getting Through

The doctor and parents walked in his office together, taking their respective seats, Spencer and Liv sitting on the same couch with some space between them while Dr. Spears got comfortable in his chair facing them. He made a mental note of the little bit of space created between the pair when they were sitting down. He crossed one leg over the other, pen and notebook in hand.

"Now, Spencer you've been in this position with me several times, so I know you're not nervous or anything, but Liv, I'm curious to know, how you're feeling about all of this" Her head turns to Spencer, and she's met with a gentle nod of approval for her to speak her peace.

"I don't know I...I guess I'm a little nervous, I've never done anything like this before and I just don't want to do it...wrong, does that make sense?" Dr. Spears and Spencer laughed lightly with Liv looking off at them a little confused.

"Is my nervousness amusing you both or something?"

"Not at all, Olivia, just what you said about not wanting to do this the wrong way, I've probably heard that line from almost every single one of my clients, but I want you to know something, there is no right way or formula to doing therapy so don't see it that way. You have a right to be nervous, it's not an easy process to go through but you've succeeded the hardest part already. You know what that part is?" She shook her head silently. He rested his elbows on his leg pushing his fingers together.

"You finally came, the next part is getting to, what's brought you here to begin with...."

"I wouldn't even know where to begin.... Dr. Spears" Liv said with her head down and eyes focused on her lap.

"We can start anywhere you'd like"

"I don't really know what I'm supposed to do here...."

"Okay, why don't we start here, tell me why you're here Olivia" She lets out a deep sigh letting her eyes wander towards Spencer who sets his hand on top of hers trying to calm the ball of nerves she was currently in.

"Well, I guess I'm here because I've been feeling a little overwhelmed...with everything around me and...maybe I just need someone to talk it out with" Dr. Spears slowly nods motioning her to continue.

"Go Liv, it's okay" Spencer encourages her. She takes another long, deep breath before continuing.

"About a week ago, I had a bit of a breakdown and...it's kinda a factor in what has brought me here today"

"I see, tell me more about this breakdown you had"

"I was cooking lunch for my daughter, and the tv was really loud so I asked her to turn it down, but she didn't hear me, so I turned the tv off, yelled at her, then sent her to her room in tears. Then, I broke a few things in my kitchen, out of anger, then that's when Spencer, found me on the floor crying"

"Were you angry at your daughter for not listening the first time?" Liv wiped a tear from her eye shaking her head several times in a row. Silence appeared in the room as Spencer and Dr. Spears waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts.

"No..." Her voice cracked a little.

"Tell us, why you were angry Olivia" Her eyes shuttered to the ceiling above as the tears fell from both sides of her face. Spencer brushed his thumb gently on one side clearing some of her tears.

"I was angry at myself, but I took it out on her because it was easy, especially with parts of my memory still being lost, her presence being part of that, and she was there for me to take my frustration out on. I feel like the worst mother in the world because I took it out on her, and she didn't deserve that from me. & I'm angry because...I have a beautiful child who I can feel loves me that I can't remember having, and even better man in my life who I can't remember being in love with or being with at all, but I want to remember so badly, but I can't right now, and I feel I should be able to.... remember"