'Til I Fall For You

CHAPTER 30

CHAPTER 30

For the past few years, I must say that I became genuinely happy. Everything went well. I enjoyed every single day of my life.

Pero may kasabihan ngang hindi palagi Pasko. Hindi sa lahat ng oras puro saya. At hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon ay makikiayon sa'yo ang panahon.

After that talk to JB, everything has changed. He completely vanished in my life.

I lost my first ever boy bestfriend. And until now, I can't absorb and accept that fact.

And that's not the only problem that I faced for the past year.

One year had past but there were a lot of things happened.

I lost my bestfriend.

I lost my boyfriend.

I almost lost my father.

I almost lost myself.

Remembering those miseries, I feel like, for once, my whole life fucked up.
But despite of the bad things that happened in my life, I never questioned Him. I won't ever do that.

Because I believe that everything happens for a reason.

God has a purpose for letting us experience those things.

Hindi para tayo'y pahirapan o parusahan. Kundi para patatagin at hayaan tayong matutong lumaban sa lahat ng hamon sa buhay.

Sa ngayon ay masasabi kong okey na ako. Noon kasi, kapag tatanungin ako ng pinsan ko o mga kaibigan ko, tanging malungkot na ngiti lang ang sinasagot ko.

Nakakatuwa lang isipin na kahit alam ko namang alam nila na hindi ako okey noong mga panahon na 'yon ay tinatanong pa rin nila ako kung kumusta na ba ako. Patunay lang na nag-aalala ang mga kaibigan ko.

May mga bagay rin akong narealize nung mga panahong hindi ako okey. Isa na do'n yung hindi naman masama na for once maging aminado ka sa sarili mo na hindi ka talaga okey at ipakita mo yung totoong nararamdaman mo.

I salute those people who are suffering yet still manage to smile and pretend that they're okay.

Kasi ako, kahit anong tago ko sa nararamdaman ko, pakiramdam ko nahahalata pa rin 'yon ng mga taong nasa paligid ko. Kaya sa huli, imbes na magtago at kimkimin yung totoong nararamdaman ko, pinili ko yung makagagaan sa loob ko.

Showing to other people your weakness doesn't mean you're weak. It doesn't make you a less person. You just prove that you're brave enough to show off you're true feelings. And it's better that way than pretend that you are strong but deep inside, you are already breaking.

JD and I broke-up a month after my Mom's birthday last year. And I just realized that God is really amazing for giving us woman an instinct.

Totoo talaga ang woman's instinct. Hindi 'yun simpleng guni-guni o hinala dahil ako mismo ang nakapagpatunay no'n.

My instinct saved me for hurting  and completely messed up.

I remember that day before my Mom's birthday, nagduda na 'ko kay JD lalo na ng maging lie-low siya sa relasyon namin at alam kong may kakaiba doon. Palagi niyang nirarason ang pagiging busy niya. Inintindi ko lahat ng 'yon. Hanggang sa mismong birthday ni Mom na binigyan niya na naman ako ng rason para maparanoid. Pero dahil naging honest siya sa akin noon, binawalela ko na naman ang naiisip ko.

Aminado akong naging kampante ako sa relasyon namin sa mahigit dalawang taon na 'yon. Binigay at sinagad ko lahat ng tiwala ko. Kaya ng araw na may natuklasan ako, pakiramdam ko sinampal ako ng katotohanan.