Little One ∞ George Russell

36 | Never before

♪
Sia - Elastic Heart:
'Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart but your blade—it might be too sharp. I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard. Yeah, I may snap and I move fast but you won't see me fall apart 'cause I've got an elastic heart'

'Why her?' It was all George had been able to think for the last few weeks since they found out about Fiona's condition. 'Why was this girl the one to be suffering from all of this while she did nothing but good to the world?' The drive from her house to the Williams factory was one he had taken a lot since she came home from the hospital and he could nearly get there with his eyes closed by now. Not that he would try, but driving the roads of Oxford this deep in thought was almost equivalent to that. Thinking about the last few days with his girlfriend, just enjoying each other and the time off they had together, made a small smile form on his face. He had loved taking care of her, making sure she was eating well and taking her medication and letting her be the one who was on the receiving end of affection for once.

He realised it was rather hard for her to come to terms with the fact that she had to live with a chronic illness from now on and he understood this even more so after she had told him about the potential issues she would run into in the future. He knew why she didn't tell him about it straight away, he had thought about this an awful lot. If this was the other way around and he had just found out that he might potentially not be able to have children, he wouldn't have had the strength to tell her immediately as well, he couldn't even imagine what it would feel like for a girl who dreamt of being a mother one day.

The conversation they had the day he came back from Spain was still fresh on his mind. "I read that endometriosis could cause.. i-infertility and the doctor confirmed that it might be more difficult or even impossible for me to conceive. I know we haven't been together long and we haven't even talked about having kids before because we are so young, but I want you to know that I completely understand if.." That sentence had hurt him more than he would ever be able to explain to her. The fact that she had implied she would understand if he wanted to pursue a future with someone else, made his heart shatter into a million pieces. 

The thought of leaving her because of this had never even crossed his mind. He wanted to do this together, be there for her every step of the way, if it involved kids or if it didn't. The things this girl made him feel, he had never experienced before. Of course, he had been in a few relationships and some even longer than his time with Fiona, but never, not even once, had his body reacted to someone like the way it did when he was with her. To this day, George's hands started trembling every time he saw her and he didn't trust his voice to be stable enough to speak to her for the first few minutes. The way his throat ran dry every time she entered the room he was in or the way his heartbeat rocketed when she looked into his eyes.

His thoughts ran back to their Saturday morning together, when he was making breakfast and knocked on the bathroom door to ask if she wanted some cereal. Fiona hadn't responded straight away and the way he felt his heart drop when he still didn't hear her voice after the second knock, was something he wished never to feel again. The fear crept up into his mind and the relief was so great when she finally opened the door after he called her for a third time, her eyes wide, probably realizing she had scared him or made him worry. He couldn't be mad at her though, seeing that look in her eyes told him that this was something they both still needed to get used to.

He had found comfort in the way she hugged him and it told him that she was okay. She looked beautiful, with her wet hair draped over her back, her face bare from makeup and the slight rosy tint to her cheeks from the heat of the shower. Even thinking about that image right now, made him almost turn the car around and head back to her apartment. The way she had stroked his back like she was the one who needed to comfort him even after the weeks they had just been through. The way she had told him it would be okay and that she was fine, her voice calmly in his ear. And eventually, the way she had grabbed his hand while saying she wanted to show him something, it was all running through his mind once again.