Dallas Winston - 𝕀𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤/ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤

♡︎not coming home pt. 5

I paced the floor of the dark hospital for hours just praying that he pulls through. One of the doctors came walking down the hall and I ran to him.

"Doctor Rose- please- how's Dallas?" I pleaded and he sighed. "Go talk to him, I don't know if he's got much longer." He spoke truthfully. I fucking knew that there was something wrong with him, and I bet he was high when he hit me. I let out a sob and I nodded and walked to his room.

I quietly opened his door and he looked at me, he was very weak. I approached his bed slowly and I let a tear fall and he smiled at me. "There you are, I've been begging the doctors to let me see you." He said, his voice was shakey and scared and I kissed him. I sat down and held his hand and I heard him take a deep breath and I let another tear fall out.

"I'm not coming home." He whispered and I looked at him. "Baby, oh god don't say that!" I cried out and I cried into him. He shook his head and I looked back to him and he smiled at me again. "I've been fighting myself for years hun, it's ought time for me to go. I'll be damned if I leave without telling you that I love you so damn much and you, made my life 10 times better." He said and I let out a terrible sob and he put his arm around me.

"If I made your life so much better than why are you dying?" I asked and he sat up as best as he could. "Because I don't want to drag you into it." He said shortly and he put his hand on my cheek.

"Baby girl, stop crying, if you do I'm gonna cry and I don't want to do that." I grabbed his hand and shook my head. I kissed him softly. "You're really gonna leave me and we haven't had sex in a month?" I joked and he started to laugh. "We can always change that right now," He said and I started to laugh. I wiped my tears and smiled at him and looked at him.

I admired his reckless face. His eyes, which looked at me constantly with love, lust, anger, or fear, his nose that I'd kiss every time I was saying goodbye to him, his lips that mine have met hundreds of times before. His sweet smile, his seething expression. I remembered it all while looking at him in that very moment.

I heard the click of the door open and it startled me. I looked over and saw the doctor standing there. "I'm sorry y/n, he's gotta go get some more tests done." He said and I sniffled and nodded. I looked back at Dally who now look more miserable than usual and I put my hand on his face. I kissed the tip of his nose and smiled, "I love you."

I went to stand up and he grabbed my arm and I looked at him. "I love you so much." He said and I felt my stomach turn and I nodded. I left and I found Darry and I looked at him. "I gotta go." Is all I said for the rest of the night. I went back to Dally's house. I walked into the house and I went straight for his room and saw the five photos he had on his wall of us.

The first photo was a photo of us running away from the gang, hand-in-hand, we were laughing. Darry told us we weren't allowed to be sucking faces when with everybody, and so that's exactly what we did. Darry dropped what he was doing and Dally grabbed my hand and we started to run. It was two months ago. Photo number two, more sad. I had just found out about my brother's passing and I was sobbing into him. He held me and looked directly at the camera. I don't remember who took it, all I know is that I was thankful they did. Dally really never showed that side of him and to catch it on film, was damn lucky. Photo number three was of him and I when he picked me up from the train station. I had traveled to Arizona to see my parents and when I arrived home, I ran back to him and jumped on him and he kissed me like never before. He spun me around and the photo was captured by a nearby bystander and he told me that we reminded him of his daughter and her boyfriend. He gave us the photo and Dally kept it after a year. Photo four was more simple, it was us watching a movie at the drive in. He had his arm slung around me and I cuddled into him because that night was one of the coldest in Tulsa history. The last one was my favorite. It was a photo of me with my baby cousin when I was babysitting, and Dally was helping. He hated kids, but he had a soft spot for Wesley. I was holding him while he was holding Dally's finger and Dally was so awe-struck by him. Later that night, he told me he wanted kids with me when we were older. I wanted to sob remembering that, knowing that I'd never make it to our future we always talked about.

I started to sob pretty hard and I threw an empty bottle at the wall. I barely heard the shatter because of my gruesome scream of a cry, and I knew if he was here he would hold me down and whisper to me until I calmed down. But he wasn't here and he's the reason I was sobbing.

I stood up and went to the cabinets I had opened just this morning and I grabbed the closest bottle and I drank it until it was bone dry and I fell asleep immediately.

I woke up to the ear-piercing sound of his phone ringing and I struggled to get off the floor and I grabbed the phone and looked at my wrist watch. 10:20 am.

I picked it up and I heard Darry's voice. I tried to process what was happening. "Y/n? You there?" He asked and I cleared my throat and looked around. "Y- yeah Darrel." I replied and he cleared his too.

"So, Dr. Rose just called me. He told me that last night they ran some tests on Dallas." He began and I felt my heart race like a horse and I began to shake. "Is he okay?!" I asked and clutched the phone with any strength I had within me.

"He told me they brought him to the OR, b- but he never made it- he never made it out. I'm sorry." I felt my world crumbled beneath my feet and soon my head met the floor.

I didn't remember much from then but when I began to regain my consciousness, I felt Darry shaking me and I shot up and I looked around. I examined the room and I lightly pinched myself just in case I was dreaming. I looked at Darry and felt my vision come in and out of focus and I felt the hot tears fall down my cheeks.

"He's gone?" I asked, my voice shakey and weaker than before and he nodded. "He's gone." He repeated and I felt the air be drained from my lungs.

My screams ripped through the air like a predator to its prey, I finally knew he meant his dreadful words of "I'm not coming home."

I lay scream-sobbing on the floor while Darry struggled to keep me contained. Dally was really weak but he was also incredibly strong. I looked into the eyes of a stone-cold killer that night, I saw him the weakest and strongest and it scared me. I knew he was screaming on the inside not to lay a hand on me but his strength over powered him and he held me. I knew in his eyes his mind was screaming to let me go but his strength over powered and he slapped me. I knew he was screaming on the inside to apologize and cry but his strength over powered and he threatened me. I knew it, I knew he had no control and that his body was just doing what it did best, which was harm.

And I knew that when he threw me against that wall, it was really just him taking out the anger he had built for himself. He didn't want hurt me, he wanted to hurt himself. And I knew he took those damn pills because he regretted hurting me.

But now he was dead. And I fell asleep and I didn't save him. I could already feel it, I was never going to love somebody again, nor was I ever gonna forgive myself for being so vulnerable and not saving him. The only thing I will be grateful for is not leaving when I should've.