𝗠𝘆 𝗦𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿⁵ // 𝘑𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘏𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘳

chapter 33

April 11th, 2041

JADEN'S P.O.V.

After a long time of talking, we were now just swinging while still hugging.

I just felt so bad about everything, even though she made sure to tell me that she never once blamed me for everything and made sure to make me feel like it's not my fault.

But it fucking is my fault.

"Hi parents." Josie approached us, dancing around a little. I smiled at her as I still played with Lexi's hair.

"Hi baby."
"I got A from historyy." She celebrated as she did her little dance.

It made me so happy to see her that way. After hearing all that Lexi told me, I don't think these moments happen too much.

"Period queen." Lexi said, making Josie burst into laughter.

"Someone got my genes." I said, making Lexi slap my chest.
"Stop bullying just because I couldn't learn history for fucks sake. I had A's from everything else." Josie laughed us, still standing there.

"You wanna swing with us?"
"Yes."
"You need to get on without stopping it from moving." Lexi said in a teasing tone with a smirk on her face.

Josie rolled her eyes, folding her arms over her chest. She looked at me, trying to tell me that my leg needs to stop the swing so she would get on.

"Jaden if you do it, I swear."
"Mommm c'monn, swing can start moving again when I sit."
"Wait, I need to fix my-" I said as I got up and pretended to fix my sweats as Josie managed to sit on the swing.
"Oh no." I faked as I sat back on the swing, giving Josie a high-five.

"Okay Jaden, I see how things are. I see you." She acted mad as I continued to move the swing with my legs.

"Don't be dramatic." I said as she rolled her eyes, before laying over my lap and setting her head in Josie's lap.

She pulled Josie down and kissed her cheek and hugged her.

"I'm proud of you. We are proud of you." Josie smiled as I interwined our hands.

"Thank you."
"Tell me, how much of your pills have you got left?"
"For like, two, maybe three days."
"M'kay."

We sat there in silence, just chilling.

I watched as Lee played around, before laying on the grass and looking at us.

"Why Lee?"
"Huh?"
"Why did you name him Lee? Who came up with the idea?"
"After Marley. It took like 5 seconds for them to come up with that." Lexi explained.

"We didn't want to replace Marley. So Lee was just great, meaning that we are not replacing Marley."
"That's cute."

We fell back into our comfortable silence. I was deep in my thoughts, as Josie pulled me out of it by touching my hair.

"I like your hair so much dad. It fits you so well."
"Yeah, he's hot." I smirked down at Lexi, making Josie fake gag.
"Mom, save me that please." Lexi and I laughed as Josie had disgusted look on her face.

"He styled it by himself with scissors Nick bought for us."
"Oh, I do it too dad. It feels so good to chop off your hair and make yourself feel like another person." Lexi glared at her, making her innocently smile.

"Yeah. It actually felt so good."
"And who bleached it?"
"Your momma. She could be a hairdresser. She has quite a lot of experience."
"How?"

"She had the times where I would go in office, literally in the house, and after hour I get back in the room and she had totally different hair. And managed not to make it fall out. So, in my opinion, she could be a hairdresser."
"Wait actually? All those different hairstyles you did by yourself?"
"Yeah. Well, mostly, few of them were not. But I, most of the time, didn't cut my hair because I couldn't make the back even. But that doesn't mean you can do that. You are too young, not even 13, and you're not allowed to dye your hair. Especially not to bleach it."
"Goddamn, I know. You told me that quite a few times."
"Oh so you remember? Then why you ask me that over and over again?"
"Well, maybe you changed your mind, you know."

Lexi shook her head at her, getting up from our laps.

"Okay," She calmed herself down before standing up, "I'm going to see what Amy is doing and pray that she will not piss me off." We laughed at her as she walked away.

"Was mom really that bad to her?"
"Well, kind of. I mean, I don't know. Most of the time she would just be mean to momma. For example, she literally threw a fuss over the detergent mom was using for clothes. Because it apparently took out the color of the clothes, when that was not even true. And would always get a little too much into mom's parenting. She'd act as if she is our mom and we don't have one. Though I kinda understand why she is mad. You, as her child, fell in love with a woman and now she isn't the first woman in your mind. And you literally fucking jumped in the fire for my mom. She lost you because you loved another woman. But then again, when you were alive, she could see you any time and spend as much time with you and mom wouldn't bother her much by being there. Now, mom is there and you are not, and in her eyes mom took you away. So you can't blame her that much, but again-"
"Again, your mom was not the one to blame for my actions."
"As much as- you know, you died- but like, I think it's just- I- I don't know."
"What? What are you trying to say?"
"I-I think it's really, like, I don't know, cute? that you'd actually jump in a fucking fire for mom."
"I would for any of you. And I would do for my mom too. And I don't know why is she that way towards Lex. It's not the way that I know her."
"Yeah, but, you know- how was she when your sister died? Wasn't she like twice younger?"

My heart started aching as Josie came across my mind and that day. Did Lexi tell them about my childhood?

"Yeah, but those times were different."
"What do you mean?" She looked at me, seeming very interested in it.

"Well, my childhood was- well, it was horrible at least. So it's a different topic about Josie dying."
"I wanna know about it."
"Maybe different time."

I don't know if I wanna open that chapter of my life right now. I don't know.

"Okay. It's just that mom never told us about your life before her. At least not that much."
"What did she tell you?"

I wouldn't get mad if Lexi told them. Or maybe I would. I don't know how'd I react. I don't want my kids knowing how I killed my own father. I mean, I never looked up at him as he was my father, but still. They don't know how much people I killed. I don't think they know that I killed anyone. Maybe they think about it but don't 100% sure know. And I'd like to keep it that way.

"Well, as far as I know, grandpa wasn't your biological father, nor auntie's. But you got into mafia, just so he could be with grandma, because you wanted her to be happy. That's all I know. A-and also, when I got diagnosed, I read on some papers that were on the table you have PTSD. That must've came from somewhere."

My heart started beating faster as she said that. Fucking hell.

"O-oh. Yeah, I do."
"It's fine if you're not comfortable talking to me. I was being nosy on desk that is not mine, but I want you to know I'm not judging you. Nor it changes you in my eyes. You're my dad and I love you always. And I don't know what you've been through."

What the fuck? My fucking 12 year old daughter is talking to me as if she is at least five years older. It's probably because those things were the most important ones for her to hear when she got her diagnoses. The most important thing for person with diagnosis is that they hear from their close ones that they don't think that they are crazy. And I know it from personal experience.

"T-thank you. That means a lot to me." I said as I pulled her in hug.
"I know it does."
"I love you baby."
"I love you too daddy."

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